She leaves before she gives in to temptation

​Rikki pulled her coat tighter around herself, keeping her head down as she navigated the sidewalk, putting as much distance between herself and the frat house as possible. Every step sent a jolt of nausea through her stomach.

​Lawrence. She felt a wave of physical revulsion so strong she almost retched into a trash can. It wasn’t just that he was an arrogant, shallow frat bro. It was that he was nothing. He meant nothing.

​She thought about Finn. He was terrified for her, and how had she repaid that concern? By tumbling into bed with a stranger because she couldn't control her own impulses yet again.

What is wrong with me? ​I promised myself after Devin that I was done. I was going to be better. I was going to be honest.

​But last night... last night hadn't felt like a choice. It had felt like a fever. She remembered the heat rising under her skin, the ****, clawing need that had nothing to do with love and everything to do with quieting the urges in her body. Even now, walking home, she didn't feel entirely satisfied. She felt buzzed, electric, even tempted to go back and see Lawrence

No.

She rubbed her temples, trying to massage away the feeling. ​She made it to her apartment building, fumbling with her keys. Her hands were shaking. She practically fell through the door, locking it behind her and leaning her back against the wood, sliding down until she hit the floor.

​She needed a shower. She needed to scrub Lawrence’s cheap cologne and the smell of stale beer off her skin. She needed to scrub until she felt like Rikki Drakeson again.

​Her phone buzzed in her pocket. ​Rikki flinched like it was a gunshot. Her heart hammered against her ribs. Finn? If it was Finn, what would she say?

‘I'm sorry I didn't come over, I was too busy cheating on you again?’

​She pulled the phone out with trembling fingers.

​Devin: Why did you msg me last night?

​Rikki stared at the screen, her breath hitching. She barely remembered messaging him. She couldn’t tell if his message was angry. But if she were to guess she would say It was just... confused. And that was worse. It was a reminder that while she was trying to cut ties and be professional, she was the one dragging him back in. She had assigned him a new PO to protect him, to do the right thing, and then she had texted him like a messy ex.

​She sat on the floor of her entryway, the phone heavy in her hand.

A part of her wanted to tell him the truth. That something was wrong and she was out of control. That maybe the superhero life had become to much for her and she was having a mental breakdown. ​She imagined Devin reading that. She imagined the look on his face, the mix of concern and hope. He would reply instantly. He would tell her it was okay. He might even come over.

​And then what? She would use him again? Drag him back into more mess. She had already compromised his parole. She had already taken advantage of the power dynamic between them. If she let him in now, she wasn’t just a cheater; she was a predator.

​He needs to hate me, she realized, the thought landing with the heavy thud of a gavel. If he hates me, he stays away.

​She swallowed the bile in her throat and let her thumb hit the glass. She didn't let herself think. She just typed, letting the cruelty flow out before she could second-guess it.

​Rikki: I was drunk. It was a mistake. Ignore it.

​She watched the message deliver. The 'Read' receipt appeared almost instantly. Three little dots appeared, dancing, indicating he was typing. Rikki felt a surge of panic. If he argued, if he asked if she was okay, she might crumble. She needed to sever the limb before the infection spread.

​She typed again, faster this time, her fingers shaking.

​Rikki: Sorry it won't happen again. We can't be talking.

​The three dancing dots vanished. He stopped typing. She had just confirmed everything he probably feared, that he was just a mistake, a lapse in judgment, something to be regretted.

​"Good," she whispered to the empty apartment, her voice cracking. "Good."