The Secrets of the Night

“Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth.” ― Albert Camus

We all have thoughts. Fantasies. Deep set desires that reside in our innermost selves. They manifest due to many reasons, but the strongest, the most profound and the most impactful, stems from our fears. The yearning to control that fear runs strong or, occasionally, the urge to embrace it in all of its madness and folly. To seize it and ride the tempest of pure hedonistic pleasure that ensues. I love Juliana, she is my best friend, my lover, my one and only and we have a great life together. I was there as she stumbled through her teen years, then her early twenties, and with every year watched her growing in her innate appeal and confidence. Her charisma. Her beauty. I loved and cherished her dearly.

But sometimes, just sometimes, in the quiet hours of night when I sit at my computer, I let my mind drift and my fears manifest. And my lust. You see, the one thing I fear the most is loosing Julie. Yet, however paradoxically, the one thing I both dread and secretly fantasize about is finding that Juliana is hiding something. A wilder side, an inner minx, a wanton slut deep inside her that I cannot awaken, but under the right circumstances would come roaring out of her as she looses all control. That behind that sweet surface is a dark desire lurking within. Its silly, I know, and not a little emotionally masochistic. But sometimes I think about what it would be like if she wasn't making love to me, but rather was being fucked by someone else. And I mean fucked, devoid of emotion or anything more complex than base animal instincts and carnal desires. I imagine her kneeling between the knees of an unknown man, the back of her head bobbing up and down as her ass jiggles with the movement, her pussy drooling a stream down her leg. I imagine her being bent over, leaning against a wall with her panties around her ankles, her skirt hiked, and her pussy being pummeled relentlessly by some thick, meaty cock as she moans like whore. I'm ashamed of these fantasies, but I also never come so hard as when these scenarios play in my head.

Lately though, these thoughts come unbidden to my mind even while we have sex. As I take her from behind I suddenly imagine her deepthroating a huge cock, her pussy tightening around my girth as the cock invades her mouth and slides deep inside of her. She loves sucking cock, and she loves taking it doggy-style, so the very possibility of this scenario taking place, no matter how unlikely, drives me to exciting climaxes. Afterwards I reason with myself that, after 14 years, its nice to add a little spice to our sessions. Not that I would ever tell her about it. Yet as the lust has grown in me, so to has the fear. The fear that one day the impossible could happen, and that our lives would be changed unequivocally.

As I sat there in my living room, unable to control the situation or even gain information, my fear began to take hold. And with it, my lust.