First Decision

Samira stood behind the door for several minutes, staring at the dark veneer after the technician had left the apartment. How she had dreaded this appointment! She had been raised to be a devout believer. Being alone with a male stranger, without the supervision of a relative, had been unthinkable for her until now. She had no pattern or guidance on how to behave in such a situation.

But even more important was her duty to her husband. She had to obey him. Unconditionally. All she wanted was to be a good wife to him and, God willing, give him many children. She hoped that she would soon be blessed with the privilege. Even though her husband was away most days of the week and had to work so much on the weekends and was under so much stress that he could hardly spare any time or attention for her. She couldn't complain about that. Her job was to take care of the household, support her husband to the best of her ability, and make him as comfortable as possible.

This duty was the only reason she had brought herself to invite the stranger in. And now, in retrospect? It hadn't been so bad after all. He was polite and reserved. Even really nice, as far as she could tell. In any case, he had given her more attention in a short time than her husband had in many weeks.

Meanwhile, she could even smile about the fact that he had touched her without permission. She, the wife of another man. He couldn't have known that this was absolutely forbidden, she excused him in her mind. He was an unbeliever, after all. The strict rules she lived by must be foreign to him.

And yet, no one must ever find out about this. He had promised to maintain confidentiality. She could only hope that he would keep his promise. She herself would never discuss it with anyone.

She tore herself away from her thoughts. There was no time for idleness. She had to clean the apartment. The technician hadn't left any visible dirt behind. Nevertheless, she wanted to vacuum the carpets to erase all traces of his presence. When she came into the living room with the vacuum cleaner and bent down to plug the cord into the outlet, her gaze fell on the computer. She paused in her movement.

The stranger—no, David, she corrected herself; she knew his name, he was no longer a stranger. David had shown her how to turn on and operate the device. She didn't think she had mastered it yet. But she had understood the basics. Actually, it wasn't difficult or complicated. Just new to her.

New things had always fascinated her. She had absorbed everything she could learn, everything she was allowed to learn, like a sponge. Unfortunately, her life as an obedient wife seemed limited and predetermined, so that the opportunities to discover the unknown and expand her wealth of experience were few and far between. And now?

Unexpectedly, a window to an undiscovered, almost magical world had opened. Should she ignore it?

Her fingers were itching.

It was her husband's computer, and she wasn't supposed to use it. He hadn't expressly forbidden her to do so, no. He probably couldn't imagine that she would want to use an electronic device. Of course, she could ask him if he would allow her to use it. In fact, she ought to ask his permission.

She pursed her lips and shook her head slightly. If she asked that question, she would also have to reveal why she wanted to do it. And how she knew how to use the computer, who had taught her.

That would be no option.

She struggled with the inner conflict between her desire to be a righteous, devoted wife and her unquenchable curiosity. The need to learn and have new experiences was as vital to her as eating and drinking. She could suppress it for a while, but she couldn't ignore it forever.

And she made a decision. Her first decision of her own since she had been married.