Chapter 17

Jake eased his Mustang to a slow stop in front of the Tri-Sigma sorority house, the headlights catching the white columns and wide porch steps before he set the vehicle in park. While not a conscious thought, he hadn’t cut the engine, as he had no intention to stay.

The sudden stillness left the sound of the muscle car, the chirp of crickets and the distant hum of traffic. Tim blinked blearily at the house, recognition dawning with a jolt of unease. His stomach twisted, from stress and all the **** he had drunk on an empty stomach. He hadn’t thought about coming back to this place. Somewhere in his drunken haze he had imagined the night ending and everything just going back to the way it was and the bridge between those things had never crossed his mind. Instead, the glowing windows and familiar silhouette of the sorority loomed like a reminder of the previous evening when he had snuck into the house, the trespass that had started everything.

Jake shifted in his seat, putting one arm behind the passenger seat, his hand resting on the headrest as he glanced at his date. “Here we are, babe,” he said, his tone final.

Staring at the house, the exhausted nineteen year old's mind swam. In movies, in shows, a date ended with a kiss in front of the girl's house. Something sweet, but he wasn’t a girl, yet the date had gone so well. His chest tightened with the certainty that Jake expected the proper goodbye, the so called goodnight kiss. His hazel eyes flicked to the door, and panic spiked at the thought of Jake walking him up to it. He couldn’t go back in there, couldn’t face the girls again, not that he would be welcome, not like this, not ever really. ‘Do it here, yeah, then he won't walk me up to the door, its just a kiss, we have done… we kissed earlier, it’s just one last… one last kiss.’

Moistening his lips nervously, Tim turned slightly in his seat, and leaned toward Jake, his date… Tammy’s date, eyes half-lidded, mouth parted to end the evening he was ready. Yet no kiss came, Jake not only hadn’t leaned in, he had leant away the steady smirk that was often on his face wasn’t present as the taller young man shook his head.

“I enjoy kissing you, babe, truly,” Jake said, voice even, the smiling coming back to him, though it looked more awkward than normal. “But right now… you got some cock breath.”

The words dropped like a stone in Tim’s stomach. He froze, lips still half-puckered, heat flooding his face. A thousand excuses screamed through his mind, but none made it past his throat. Shame came harder through him than the wine ever could, sharper than any of his many humiliations. ‘Why did I try to kiss him? I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t want a kiss from a guy! Cock breath… because I… of course he doesn’t want to kiss me. Oh God! I just, we just, oh, oh, fuck.’ The suddenly distraught Tim’s mind babbled as his eyes started to well up with tears that made him feel so stupid for even happening.

“Right… yeah,” Tim muttered, fumbling for the door handle and grabbed the red heels from the floorboard, clutching them in one hand as he rapidly stepped out into the night. The cool press of concrete seeped through the thin nylon of his aching feet, a small mercy against the throbbing soreness. He staggered once, catching himself with the car door before shutting it a little harder than intended.

Inside, Jake watched her go, running a hand through his hair with a low sigh. “Think I upset her… maybe next time she’ll have mouthwash or something. No guy wants to taste leftover cum, on a girl’s lips or not.” He shifted the car into gear, the Mustang purring before easing away from the curb, leaving his date alone in the wash of the porch light.

Tim stood on the sidewalk, heels dangling from his fingers, tears blurring the glow of the porch lights. Jake’s words still echoed in his head, the cruel comment being said so casually. ‘Cock breath, my mouth smells like his…’

Stomach lurching as he thought of it again, his gaze fell to the little purse that had hardly left his arm all evening. With fumbling fingers, one of the heels fell to the concrete sidewalk when he pulled it open for the first time. “Fuck!” he exclaimed, bending down in an unladylike fashion before fumbling to get inside the bag. The contents alone felt like a judgment upon him, it was a quiet judgment, but it was still there. Two crisp twenty dollar bills, more cash than he ever remembered carrying in his own wallet the night before, a compact mirror he dared not open, lipstick present to repair what was more than likely beyond such things after all the kissings and other things he had done, making him sure it was smeared beyond repair, a small roll of condoms that made his cheeks burn high enough that he felt it in his ears, and finally, the thing he sought. A travel size bottle of mouthwash.

Twisting it open, Tim let the cap fall to the ground, in his drunken haze he failed to use it as directed. Instead it was tipped back and swallowed. The searing burn slid down his throat and made him cough and splutter, but it did not wash anything away. He could still taste the cum. Worse, he could still feel it coating his tongue, the back of his teeth. ‘I have cock breath…’ Sniffling, he wiped at his face with the back of his hand, smearing more of the makeup as Tim told himself how stupid he was. ‘You are not some love sick girl pining for a kiss. You are a man!’

The thought crumbled as quickly as it came. ‘A man would not be standing here in pantyhose and a dress after **** down another guy’s cock. A man would not be left at the door of a sorority like he belonged there… and I don’t. Not like I can go back to the frat… not looking this way, not after failing the raid, not after betraying the mission…’

Taking in a deep breath the drunk and exhausted young man felt like he was about to sob even as his mind went on. ‘Dressed like a girl so I can’t go back to my frat, one I didn’t even really get it, not yet… ever… Not a girl so I can’t go in here and… and… Maybe I can just call home. Dad won't be happy, but it doesn’t matter… I’m not a real man, not a woman, I’m nothing to myself… let alone anyone.’

Unknown to Tim, like most of the night so wrapped up in his own thoughts to pay attention to much else the sorority door opened with a soft creak, spilling light across the steps. Tim flinched, from the light, but instead of paying attention to it, he only turned his body so it wasn’t in his eyes. He didn’t want anyone to see him for a number of reasons. The light itself was like being caught in place like a thief, but unknown to him it was only Sarah stepping out onto the porch. Her blinking into the dark, gaze finding Tammy.

The sight of the dress, the stricken face, the wet shimmer on her cheeks made Sarah move without hesitation. She came down the steps and wrapped her arms around her… around him, around Tim.

The hug broke something loose in him. For a moment Tim stood frozen, shocked, to find himself being embraced by the shorter girl but with hesitation his own arms rose to hug her back, clinging to her desperately, like he had been waiting all night for someone to hold him.

Sarah leaned close, her voice soft at his ear. “Come in. I’ll make you some tea. Maybe a hot shower too.” she said in what Sarah hoped was a comforting voice at the clearly upset person. Her own heart lurched at the outpouring of emotion she saw from them, feeling a terrible wave of guilt for being one of those responsible. She didn’t let go when she pulled back enough to look at him. Her hands slid down, catching his own and holding on. With one hand she pulled the shoes from him, to hold onto them as she held onto his other hand with a firm grip.

The warmth of Sarah’s small fingers felt steady, at least compared to his own, her grounding him in a sense even as he still felt a tremble in himself. Between the street light outside the sorority house and light shining out from the still open door he could see her small smile. He could feel emotion from it, worry for him, something he didn’t deserve. Then there was a gentle tug, her pulling him as she turned toward the open door, intending to bring him inside.

Tim stumbled forward a step before halting, his grip tightening. Panic flared through the haze. “I… I can’t go in there. I’m not…”

Before he could finish, Sarah moved back in hugging him once more, tighter this time. Her voice was soft and low with a small bit of firmness as she spoke against his ear. “You are welcome here. Tammy is welcome here. If you want to stay… I would like that. I would really like it if you did.”

He stiffened, blinking down at her, still the pretty girl went on, him able to see her cheeks pink in the porchlight, but not grasping the reasoning behind it.

“It is silly, I know. But I thought maybe you could even move in. Be part of this place. Maybe even a sister…” Her face then moved into more of a pinched expression as she shook her head, her brunette hair spilling about. “It's stupid, I know I can be stupid sometimes, I just…” She took in a large breath before letting it out. “You can still come in if you like.”

The **** boy, standing there in a dress, barefoot and unable to keep themselves from swaying, lips parting, unable to respond to her right away even as she went on past what he wanted to answer to. His thoughts scattered like loose leaves in the wind, a truth cut through so much insanity. “I am very drunk,” he admitted, voice slurred. “But you are not stupid, Sarah. I would never call you that.”

Sarah’s eyes softened. Her own shy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, relief loosening the guilt in her chest. “You are sweet,” she whispered. “I mean it. After everything you have been through, what we, I mean, what I put you through and here you are trying to make me feel better. I really do want us to be friends.”

That single word, friends, eased something inside him that had been coiled tight since the night began. His throat bobbed as he nodded weakly. “Tea sounds good. And…” Tim looked over his shoulder in the direction Jake drove off too, towards the frat house where he had been staying before looking back. He had been dubbed Tammy to go out on a date, but no matter what he was called he was Timothy Thompson, even if pretending to be Tammy had awoken something in him he wasn’t able to fully understand. “I could really use a friend right now.”

Sarah gave his hand a squeeze, firm and certain, this time when she pulled him toward the door, she didn’t feel any resistance as she led them closer to the door and into the waiting light.