Chapter 23 - Suzy’s surprise survey

“So, if that’s what having sex as a woman with a woman is like, then I’m on board. Don’t get me wrong, I still prefer having sex as a MAN, but this will help me get by while I have to live like this...” I gesture at my curvy body while I share a cup of coffee with Grace on Saturday morning.

We’ve shared details of dates before. Sometimes to brag, sometimes to pepper each other with questions, sometimes just to pass the time. But this time I just had to share the experience with someone as it was eye opening and new and amazing. And with the way that Trixie reacted, it sounded like it was something I could expect a repeat performance of even though she was in a relationship with her mysterious boyfriend.

I can tell that something is off with Grace, but I can’t put my finger on it. I mean, sure we’re both into women and she’s even admitted that she was attracted to Trixie, but she seemed more than just turned on by my descriptions of Trixie’s soft naked body. And with the way that Grace likes to be in control, I’m not sure she’d like the way that Trixie dominated the whole date.

Grace’s question takes me a little bit by surprise as it shows she not only was listening but was paying attention to the details. “So, are you going to do what she asked? Avoid cumming like a man?”

I sit back in my seat and spread my hands wide, not quite sure how to answer. “Well, I’m not sure. Normally it would be an easy no. I mean, I liked the experience and all, but I don’t want my orgasms limited to when I’m with her. When I get horny, I like to be able to rip a quick one off, if you know what I mean. But…” I look down at my robe covered waist and recall the first time I tried jacking off after I’d fully transformed into Paris “…it’s not exactly like I’m normal now. It’s weird seeing my hand with these long nails down there doing my business. Even if I’m not looking, I can still feel the nails. And speaking of feeling, keeping myself hairless down there isn’t helping. Everything is, I don’t know, more sensitive? I’m not talking about little Paris necessarily but just rubbing my legs together feels so different. Lying on the bed and feeling the sheets against my hairless body feels different. It’s hard to get into my normal head space when everything is reminding me that I’m not in my normal physical space, ya know?”

It’s clear that Grace doesn’t fully comprehend what I’m saying but she at least understands that jacking off isn’t the same as it was before since she’s nodding along with what I’m saying. “So, if its going to be different anyway, I might as well give it a try. I at least answered the question of the gaff being strong enough to hold me tight down there. Random hardons aren’t going to be a problem. And if that makes Trixie happy and keeping up with sex like that, it’s a small price to pay.”

When Grace asked if there was anything I didn’t like last night I go over what I expect she’s hinting at. “Well, yeah. It’s fun to play and experience this side of sex and all but I’d rather be a man when having sex with Trixie. But it’s not like that was an option. It was either sex like a girl or no sex at all. So, if I take that out… no? It was weird being the girl in it. I don’t just mean dressing and acting this way, I mean having her be the aggressive one. I’ve never been pushed up against a door and then just kissed like that. It made me feel weak but at the same time it was, I don’t know, powerful? Powerful to just let go and let her take control?”

I shift a bit in my seat as I feel my cock start to grow with the memory. Being a weekend home alone I don’t have my gaff or panties on even though I’m wearing my bra under my robe. “Oh, well there is one thing. For Trixie to be so excited about showing me all about having sex with women, she believes I’m sexually experience with men. That’s the lie I laid out when we were trying to frame Mr. Orpheus and it doesn’t make sense to change it up now, but she’s leaning into it hard with always comparing how I…” I put my manicured hands in air quotes “…love my men.”

I really want a cigarette and wonder if these new patches aren’t as strong as my old ones. Sure, they’re supposed to be safe with the hormones, but they don’t really stop the urges. After a moments consideration I decide to try and hold out without a cig and keep talking, “Anyway, I have to sit there and nod as she compares licking her out to sucking off a guy. I don’t know what sucking a guy off is like and have no desire to know what it’s like, but I have to act like I not only know, I have to act like I enjoy it. After we were all done and just snuggled up together in her bed, she mentioned that she might want to invite her boyfriend in for a threesome because, as she said…” I again put up air quotes as I mimic Trixie’s higher pitched voice “…like you’d love being with him and he loves blow jobs and I could, like, play with you while you go down on him!”

I lean back in my chair, shaking my head. “If I was in her head, hearing the story I was telling, it would make sense. Of course I don’t want that to happen, so I made up something on the spot about not wanting to be with a man until my transition is more fully along. I even said I was embarrassed by the fake breasts and didn’t want any more men to see me with a flat chest or fake tits. It seemed to hit home and she got it. Anyway, she went on about…”

A firm knock at the door catches both Grace and I off guard. Grace immediately looked down between my legs which drew my eyes down to see my penis peeking out from my robe. “Shit! Uh… you get the door, I’ll get this taken care of!”

I jump out of the chair and scamper back to my room, wondering who would be coming by before noon on a Saturday. As I close the door and start going through some clothes to slip into, I hear Grace answer the door. Everything is hushed and mumbled to quiet for me to hear exactly who it is until Grace raises her voice, almost shouting, “I don’t know Dr. Martin, I think Paris is up. She hasn’t come out of her room yet this morning.”

Dr. Martin? FUCK, WHAT IS SUZY DOING HERE!?

I quickly slip out of my robe and into my loose sweatpants and a sweatshirt, tucking myself back so I at least don’t have a bulge in my pants. I have to cinch the sweatpants tight as without my faja on there’s no ass back there to fill them out and they want to fall off my thin frame. At the same time, my sweatshirt swells with my still glued on breasts. Whipping my hair up into a quick ponytail I look around the room. My eyes immediately fall on the boxes at the bottom of my closet. The ones with my male clothes in them. While I’d boxed everything up to be stored away, it wasn’t a neat job, and I didn’t use the best boxes. They were overstuffed and clothes were hanging out of them. I can hear Suzy and Grace coming closer to my bedroom as I recall telling Suzy that I’d been wearing female clothes exclusively for over a year now and had donated all of my male clothes to charity months ago.

In a rush, not wanting my lie to be pulled apart this easily, I pull out the first box and head to the window. Pushing the window open I hit the screen to knock it out of its frame and into the alley below before tossing the box after it. Three quick trips later and all the boxes of my clothes are spread across the alley, probably ruined. I barely get the window closed as the door opens and Grace peeks her head in, “Paris, you decent? Your doc is here to visit with you.”

It turns out that Suzy not only planned on dropping by unannounced, she was going to be doing so again for as long as I was under her care. As she put it, it was important to establish I was living as I said I was and that couldn’t be proved with planned visits. As is, she seemed impressed with our apartment, noting only that my bedroom was a little spartan and that I might enjoy making it more feminine. “Go overboard with it. That way you’ll wake up every morning surrounded by your femininity and go to bed every evening assured that you’re doing the right thing!”

I did my best to keep my smile on for her entire stay but when I heard the garbage truck come up in the alley I grew even more nervous and agitated. Thankfully Grace recognized it and helped by distracting Suzy and answering her questions about who cooked and did the chores and cleaning and laundry and such. Overall, Suzy stayed for nearly two hours and even stayed for a quick lunch before finally leaving. As soon as I peeked out the window and saw her drive away, I rushed into my shoes and coat and practically ran downstairs, outside, and into the alley.

As I feared, the alley was cleaned out. All the dumpsters were open and empty. There were no traces of the boxes I’d thrown down or any of the clothes that had been spread over the ground. Everything was gone, probably to the landfill.

When I head back upstairs Grace seems confused as to why I’m so upset. Plopping down into my seat again I look up at her and sigh, “When I packed up my guy clothes, I just put all my guy stuff into those boxes. To cover it up, I tossed them all out the window and now it’s all been picked up and taken to the garbage dump. That’s not just my clothes, I had my laptop, my phone, my photos, even my old IDs and things with my Jamie or PJ name on it.”

Grace and I talked about it for a bit, but for once she wasn’t able to make me feel better. Even if I were able to get the boxes back, it’s not like I could keep them here. With Suzy stopping by randomly and unannounced, we just didn’t have a place to hide that much stuff. It meant I was truly stuck living as Paris even at home.

My next visit with Suzy was beyond awkward as the first thing she did was ask about me decorating my bedroom. When I hemmed and hawed about it, she finally nailed me down and I admitted that I hadn’t even thought about doing anything. She was right of course in realizing that my hesitancy was a vestige of my masculinity. Of not wanting that private area to be feminine. But when she said we’d work through that hesitancy together it wasn’t like I could push back. After all, I was seeing my gender therapist to HELP me become more feminine. Much of that afternoon, sitting in Suzy’s office in my skirt, heels, and blouse, was spent online designing up a room that any girl would have dreamed about.

It started with a new bed. I’d always just been happy with my mattress in a box just sitting on the floor but Suzy insisted we could do better. We found a cheap four poster bed in an online shop that not only would deliver but would install it at minimal cost. The canopy was wispy and gauzy but not feminine enough for Suzy. Out went the white canopy and it was replaced with pinks and reds. We found a new matching blanket and bedspread set as well as a couple sets of sheets. While I had always been happy with one pillow, Suzy convinced me to get a full set. Two sleeping pillows, two decoration pillows, and four throw pillows. Just making the bed with its fitted sheet, top sheet, blanket, comforter, duvet, and pile of pillows was going to take so much extra time in the morning.

While the bed was the centerpiece of the new room, it was just the beginning of the process. We found a nice plush pale pink rug to cover nearly all the wall-to-wall hardwood flooring. We found matching paints in pinks and something called mauve with red highlights to color the walls and ceiling. We replaced my single light with a shallow chandelier with very realistic crystals. The broken-down dresser I’d found behind my studio several years back was replaced with something she called a chiffonier that included a large mirror on top and had plenty of space for photographs and knick knacks. Opposite that would sit a new shorter chest of drawers that would specifically be for my special lingerie.

My closet received an upgrade with several organizing tools to help separate out my clothes in categories I’d never considered before, from ‘everyday’ and ‘everyday office’ to ‘nice’ and ‘nice office’ and ‘nice going out’ to ‘special’… and even included a shoe rack that would take up one entire wall of the small walk in closet. The last new piece of furniture was a sit-down vanity with a classic Hollywood style lit mirror. It had plenty of space for makeup and hair styling tools. Suzy actually wanted to add a ‘sitting bench’ at the end of my bed but thankfully with the vanity and its stool there just wasn’t enough room.

The art on the walls took it over the edge. I had previously thought having an Einstein poster on one wall and an Optimus Prime poster on the other was kind of excessive, but Suzy and I ended up with no less than a dozen pieces of framed art. The four biggest would surround my bed, making sure I saw them every night. They all matched in their pink shades with line drawings of beautiful women. Underneath were words on each one. On one side of my bed two of them said “Be a girl with a mind” and “Be a woman with attitude” while on the other they said, “Be a gal with style” and “Be a lady with class”

Suzy was such an organizer and wanted to help as much as possible, that she set up all the deliveries and then hired a service to come in and change my room next Friday. That morning I’d go to work with my plain bedroom and return to a feminine boudoir.