A day that began like all others

I woke up in my bed, the thin sheets I was given was unable to completely keep me warm, like always. I got up and chose my outfit today. The usual gym short shorts that I always felt the most comfortable in and a jersey with the sides absent, which showed skin that no one wanted to touch. I knew that was the case as I saw other girls wear more than this and yet they were made to wear even more, saying that they looked indecent. I knew intellectually that I looked good and nothing was wrong, nothing was wrong, nothing... I snapped out of the spiral, I won't break, not today. I knew that I looked good. I worked out enough to lose any unsightly fat, and had everything needed for nice skin and hair, one of the few things that mother and father actually provides. I might sound vain, yet I looked better than most girls, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

I got dressed, used the restroom and did all the other morning rituals. The fact that the restroom I used was only mine as everyone else used the larger and better one down the hall, was something I tried not to fixate on as well. I was given the 'privilege' of my own space, only so that others wouldn't have to touch what I touched. I also ignored what had happened when I tried to use the second restroom. When I was ready, I braced myself for the day ahead and made my way downstairs. I saw as Paul left his room fully dressed. The giant handsome man that was my brother terrified me as usual and yet also made me feel safe, a paradoxical experience that I always had around him. His features were more exotic than any one I saw and made him seem otherworldly, and he must be. I wasn't the only one intimidated by him either, as I have seen almost every guy except father, shy away from him and turn meek in his presence. When I was being picked on by any male, just the mere sight of Paul stopped them in their tracks. It made me wish that Paul was the exception to the disgust that I suffered from everybody. Reality stomped on my wish as when Paul saw me, a familiar look of distain appeared on his face, and he walked down the stairs in a huff.

I heard the twins stir awake and the noise of them leaving their room caused me to bolt to the stairs. I didn't want trouble too early in the day.

I sat at my table in the corner, facing the wall, and sat down. No too much later, mother set my plate down, and like always, commanded me to only touch the plastic fork she gave me. I knew she would shatter any plate I touched and make me throw it away and then punish me for wasting plates. She always knew when I did, even when there was no way for her to know. I picked up my fork and began to eat. Stale buttered bread, bacon, and reheated scrambled eggs that was from two days ago. I was shocked that I was given something so fresh but than realized that mother threw a lot of leftovers away yesterday as they were starting to take up too much space. While eating, I notice Paul looking at me. His face was an impossibility, as instead of the ever present disgust, it was interest. I never saw such a look directed at me, and have only seen it when people looked at others that they want. I blushed and didn't know what to do, and then I felt an impulse over take me, an impulse I could never control that always fucked up my entire day. I turned to Paul with a scowl, and ran my mouth like an idiot.

"What are you looking at, loser?" SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!! I want to die!! I didn't even had time to show fear before I heard mother yell.

"ASHLEY LILLIAN HERVEY!! You apologize to your brother right now!" I never felt such fear as I did now. I gulped and tried to look at Paul and plead for forgiveness, yet that same damnable impulse **** me to merely look at my food and mumble.

"Sorry, Paul." I heard her foot steps like the ringing of a bell, and wasn't shocked when my food was taken from me. She turned that stare that promised a world of regret. I was never touched, too disgusting in their eyes, yet they have used gloves before to destroy my phone and take what little entertainment I have away. Alternatively, it required no touching or energy to merely not feed me. The impulse always caused this reaction, as the impulse only acted against my parents favorite child, Paul.

"You will look him in the eyes properly and mean it, or no breakfast." I heard what was not said. That any prolonged hesitation would mean no dinner either. I almost feared that the impulse would make this situation even worse somehow, yet the universe showed mercy. I rushed quickly to stand before him and looked into those beautiful, exotic eyes. I tried not to cry, to retain some dignity that I was allowed to have. I also wondered what to do, I thought to kneel yet I didn't know if touching the floor was not allowed, and I can't take a risk.

"P-please, B-brother. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I won't do it again, I-I swear. You can look as long as you want, Please f-forgive me." I meant it too, as I actually like the... appreciation in his eyes, even if such a look was foreign to me. I notice something that my initial terror had missed. He bore no hatred for what I said or disgust for my being there. I saw pity and shock, and didn't know why. I mean, I knew why the shock was there, as how dare I talk so rudely to him, and that only made the pity more mysterious. I flinched and stepped back as he got up, but didn't dare move anymore. There was still pity and I believe that he wouldn't touch me without a glove, yet if we accidentally touched and I defiled my brother, then I knew that mother might actually starve me for a year with nothing but school to do.

"Please throw those leftovers away, and make Amber fresh food. I need to talk to her alone in the pantry." I couldn't stop my mouth from gaping, even if I had the willpower of the gods. I never was given fresh food, that was just how things were, and that was how my parents liked it. Yet they liked my brother just as much, could-could I actually taste what fresh food taste like.

"B-but I always only get the leftovers." I had to hear his words again, to make sure they were real, and yet before he spoke, our mother said her piece.

"Yes, like it should be, its what you deserve." Mother said with the expected voice of derision and the disdainful face plastered on her otherwise beautiful face, before looking at Paul with the usual look of adoration. "Please dear, I don't think-" Her sentence were cut off for the first time in my life, as my brother claimed her lips. I have seen him dominate many girls, some at school and some he brought home, and I have never seen him be so gentle as he was with my mother. I was always jealous of those girls that had my brother with them, on them, and for the truly lucky, in them. Now I was jealous of my mother even more than everyone else ever. I saw as over time, mother grew to accept the kiss, and realize that she was technically cheating on father. Served that asshole right to have his wife be stolen, even if just a little. Just because I accepted that my lot in life was to be isolated, doesn't mean that I didn't feel negative emotions and thoughts towards those who made my life worse.

"Do what I say, mommy, and I can... make it up to you." I saw as mother actually blush, like, really blush, and I couldn't help but be even more confused. I saw him look towards me and I froze. I almost forgot that the impulse made me try to command him. I saw his head made a nod towards the pantry and I knew he wanted me alone. I hesitated in fear, yet I knew that disobeying would make things worse. I moved into the pantry and felt him behind me. He turned on the lights and when I heard the lock being used, I turned around. He turned to me and marched towards me, which **** a tremble from me and I rapidly backtrack, stuttering out a plea.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry b-brother, please, forgive me. I-I will never be rude again, I swear. I never mean to be rude, it-it just comes out and I can't control it and-" I backed up all the way until I felt the wall, when I realized I couldn't move farther away I panicked, yet all I could do was turn my head and shut my eyes, I felt the trembling become worse. "P-p-please, I'll learn, I'll learn, I'll-" I stopped as I felt a weird sensation at my chin and something was turning my head. My eyes popped wide open, and I jerked my head in surprise. I felt the trembling stop and I think my heart and breath as well. I was too stunned to think anything, because I-I think this feeling was when someone else touches you. My hand slowly raised up and touched a hand not my own, and what I suspect was Paul's and then I felt where his hand was touching my chin to double check, and I knew that somehow, this was real. "Y-you." I paused and pulled his hand, thinkind that maybe my mind has left me from the constant stress and fear. Yet my eyes became wider when the pull of his hand also pulled her chin. "You are touch... I..." I became overwhelmed and darkness appeared at the edge of my vision. The world was spinning, yet it was worth it. As even though I fell, a person still was touching me, I was no longer a hideous and grotesque thing to someone. I fell and my last thought was...