And a morning.

"What time is it?" Brad mumbled, shielding his face from the sunlight. Something was on his chest... arms? He looked down and saw feminine fingers tracing soft circles on his ribs. Boobs pressed into his back...

"D?" he asked, and spun to see Monica smiling gently. "It's 11:07, and no. My name is Monica."

"Gross," a voice from the other room said, and D appeared at the side of the bed. "I'm not gonna cuddle you, dude. That would be weird."

"Uh, didn't I stick my dick in you yesterday?" Brad asked. D grinned and held up a hand.

"Hell yeah, you did!" she said, her tits reverberating from Brad's enthusiastic high five.. "We gotta do that again! Still, I'm not gonna fuckin' cuddle you in your sleep. That's what the comfort script is for. Right, Monica?"

Monica nuzzled into his neck and nodded. She was warm and soft like a freshly-laundered blanket, and Brad felt like he was on a cloud-

"Wait a minute," he said. "I'm not hungover."

"Golem magic," Monica whispered into his ear with a giggle.

"Half right," D said. She sat in his computer's swivel chair and lounged slowly back and forth. She was only wearing boxers and Brad couldn't keep his eyes from her chest. "One of the perks of being a golem is instant sobriety when you want it. We ubered back to your car and I drove you home."

"Ok," Brad said, his eyes still glued to D's tits. She shifted back and forth experimentally and watched his eyes track them. "That doesn't explain why I don't have a hangover."

Monica nodded to the corner of the room. Brad reluctantly glanced over to see an intravenous drip bag.

"What the fuck?" he asked. "Did you **** me?"

"Is purified water a ****?" she asked. "We got you home, I fed you a protein-rich slurry nutritionist Monica cooked up, and we gave you fluids. I'm guessing you don't get drunk this often?"

"Never," Brad said. Hangover or not, he still had the mental blurriness of someone who'd overslept by hours. He rubbed his eyes and frowned.

"That's what I figured. Young guy, doesn't get drunk very often - add some proper nutrition and the embrace of a beautiful woman..."

"Aww," Monica said. She blew D a kiss. D swatted it away like a mosquito.

"I don't remember you feeding me a protein slurry," Brad said.

"Yeah, you... don't remember a lot. At that point you couldn't even stand up."

"Jesus," Brad said. He sat up and Monica shifted so that she sitting behind him, gently massaging his back. "What the hell happened?"

D held up Brad's phone and grinned. "I took the liberty of picking your phone up as we were leaving the bar and charging it overnight. It's got a couple of new numbers in it."

"Mel?" he asked hazily. "From the bar? And her friend, what was her name?"

"Gabby," D said. "They were eating out of your hand. They would have had a threesome and bought you breakfast."

"Really?" Memories were slowly slotting back into place. "There was... did you eat a glass bottle?"

"You're remembering the wrong part!" D said, throwing up her arms. "Dude, I was the perfect wingwoman! Plus, you had fun even before we starting talking to those girls."

"Did I really get their numbers?" Brad asked. "I've never done that before."

"So let's review the facts," D said. She shifted in her seat, jiggling her breasts, and Brad's attention was focused again. "We went out and you had one of the most fun nights you've ever had, then you hooked up with the hottest girl in the bar."

"I did?" he asked, his eyes still lost underneath her chin.

"Not really, but you know you could have. I mean, you were this close to getting some pretty good pussy. Next time you should tone down the drinking. Then I get you home safe and sound, set the little windup doll to 'flu patient' mode, and give you fluids. Next day, no hangover!"

"So... you were making some point that you're not just sexbots, right? But all you showed me was that you can help me have sex with real woman. No offense, Monica."

"None taken," she said softly.

"No, that was just showing off," she said. "If you wanted a real hookup, I'd spend hours researching hookup spots, current events and references, and group dynamics. You wouldn't be getting tossed out of a strip mall bar with a couple of sixes."

"I thought they were cute," Brad protested, his eyes still locked on her chest. D scoffed. She snapped her fingers in front of her face to no avail. She covered up her breasts with her hands and he finally looked up at her angrily.

"Do I need to put on a shirt?" she said. "I thought we could just chill in our boxers but you're making it weird."

"Sorry," he said apologetically. "Wait, I can modify your behavior and opinions on the fly, right?"

"Oh, yeah!" D said, her face brightening. "Want me to not feel weird about being constantly ogled by my best friend?"

Brad nodded and she relaxed back into the chair. "Thanks, man, that's better. I don't care if you stare anymore. In fact, I kinda like it."

"Good," Brad said to her sternum.

"And those girls last night were cute, but Kirby is cute. Kirby isn't gonna give you the best blowjob of your life."

Brad's arm hair stood on end as Monica's hot breath tickled his neck. "He probably could," she said pleasantly.