Falling

The moon and the Pleiades have set,
it is midnight,
time is passing,
but I sleep alone.

Midnight poem - Sappho

I’m at the trailhead. A large brown wooden sign with distinctive yellow letters reads, “Island Loop - 25 Miles” in angular bold yellow letters. The damp warm air of the canopy in front of me is the final barrier to starting my journey, my forehead used to temperate climates beads sweat into my eye in protest. I wipe my brow and step forward, by the time my eyes are clear I’m already past the sign.

New boots, untested tactical gear, and pale skin — yeah, not exactly the picture of a seasoned adventurer. But twenty-five miles seemed like a good starting point. I regularly lifted at the gym but rarely did any actual hiking. I was an outdoors person at heart, though. Right?

Like most hikes the beginning is anticlimactic, the trail dips from the raised parking lot into undergrowth. The forest is different here, conifers are rare and the ground cover of the trail is not what I’m used to. The canvas bag traps heat against my back as I move, in the cold weather back home I was often grateful for this… less so here. In hindsight, tactical hiking gear may have been overkill, but I don’t know these woods. I didn’t exactly plan this hike after all. My employer laid me off for my 26th birthday and I needed to be anywhere other than home.

Five years at the same company in the middle of nowhere, putting in the hours, traveling frequently to support clients, and they laid me off. Five years… I gave them five years of my youth when I could have been chasing girls or exploring the world. Instead, my personality was monetized by shmoozing client reps at least ten years my senior on zoom calls or at business dinners at the cheapest acceptable chain restaurants. My father stressed the importance of building a stable life, working for a large corporation and climbing the ladder. Well, it certainly worked well for him! He was married by my age though, and I’ve… I’ve been single for a while.

The trail begins to become more challenging, my internal thoughts punctuated by deep breaths as I push myself. Eventually, I see a break in the canopy in front of me and see area of flat ground free from roots to setup camp for the night. The sky has turned a beautiful shade of pink; it’s the only pleasant consolation as the insects become more active in the twilight hours. Bugs I’m not familiar with trying to bite at my hands while I set up and stake my tent. I anoint myself in copious quantities of DEET as I rush the setup and hurry into my shelter.

My body feels relief as I peel off my layers and settle in for the night. New boots may have been a mistake. I see the blisters on my feet as I disrobe and pile my clothes into a makeshift pillow. As I lie in my sleeping bag, I see my phone has no signal. I... hadn't thought about that earlier in the day. I had, but the way you think about something without believing it yet. It's been a long time since I hadn’t had music or internet before bed to drown out my thoughts. Trying desperately to fall asleep, my mind wanders.

I’ve spent five years fading into the background of people’s lives. The group chats I was a part of in school have slowly become less active. Dating apps have been very mixed, the dating pool isn’t very wide where I live.

It doesn't help that my ex got engaged last month to a guy who seemed perfect from her engagement post. A photograph of the light catching the large gem on her finger, the warm filter and summer dress the epitome of delicate feminine grace. Her fiancé is the type of man featured in ads for cologne. He had the job, face and balls to ask a question I had spent two years not asking. They were living their dream, and I lost my job.

I pull out and start reading my abridged copy of Robinson Crusoe. I've owned it since I was a kid. I know some parts of it didn't age well, but the core concept of being in the wilderness, surviving on my own, having an adventure — it spoke to me. I've loved the survival genre ever since. I think... I think that's why I booked flights to the island. A return to one of my first passions.

I'll settle for tomorrow going better than today.

It doesn't start out any better, my blisters have swollen large by the time I wake up and my body protests as I dress and pack up the tent. I’m too young for back pain like this and I angle my feet as I stand to avoid the blisters. Shit, this will be slow going.

A monkey hollers heralding my departure and announcing I’m not welcome. But fuck him, I'm not one to give up. The cozy comfort of my couch seems far preferable to "touching grass" at this moment. The views from the trail, well they almost make the misery worth it. I slowly gain elevation as I hike. The trail hugs one of the valleys cliffs and I occasionally see streams or rivers far below me on the valley floor.

The sun is strong today. I cast my gaze downwards as I curse myself for not packing sunglasses. And... that's how I miss it. The trail in front of me is washed out.

I take a fateful step forward. Then I am off the path falling into a ravine. My bag catches on a branch on the way down, the tugging motion is jarring and rips my pack from me. I try to reach for the bag but it’s already out of reach as my body plummets. I can hear the waiting water rush over rocks at the bottom. I flail desperately trying to avoid them then feel and explosion of pain in my leg as I hit the bottom. The water doesn’t wait for me to process what’s happened and I’m immediately slammed against rocks by the current. I gasp for air and get half a mouth full of water. Air. I just need air. What way is air?

I feel my consciousness fading. I’m desperately pulling at the rocks; the cold water numbs both the pain in my leg and my fingers. I feel my grip slipping as I claw numb hands at the rocks. I can’t feel the surface. The cold water feels like its closing in on me when I feel something grab me from behind.

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Author's Note: I've been actively rewriting everything into a single merged higher quality narrative mostly based on the Gender route where the protagonist stays with Nadya. I plan on pulling in the best aspects/parts of other branches. Might create a new branch for these chapters.