Endless times of the same

“So, this is what I’m thinking…..” I try to keep talking as my mind finishing processing what I’m about to offer. “What if…. What if you always get this?”

The boys both look at me, lost.

“What if, I’m always available to you? I mean, you both have made me feel amazing, and I want to feel it again. So what if – you ask I answer? I mean, my body still hurts, but this is what I want – BOTH of you.”

It’s hours later, finally home, showered and thinking back on my weekend so far. Not only my actions, but my offer. Both Josh and Pete were hesitant when I put my number in their phones. Hopefully they will call, but only time will tell.

Unfortunately, time is also what is ticking away until my test next week. College – classes only stopping me from trying to living my best life. But it is what I signed up for. As I look over my notes, no matter how scattered and mostly incoherent they are, I hear a knock at my door.

“Harper, you home?” comes the voice of Jenna.

“Yeah, just studying, come in.”

“Oh, what class? I didn’t think we had a test coming up.”

“Poly-sci. Not one we share, or else I would have better notes to study from,” a slight chuckle as I motion to the chicken scratch in front of me.

“Oh damn, but do you reallllllllllly want to study? I need a wingman tonight.”

“Surfer bar-boy didn’t pan out? He looked cute. But sure, you know how much I love a good distraction.”

“Oh god, he was sooooo shallow. Sure, you smoke, we get it. But holy fuck, do something else. And fucking keep it up. I mean, you saw what I was wearing – he couldn’t even keep it up. How’s a girl supposed to have a good time with a softy?”

After that it was more bashing her guy from last night and giving me the details for tonight – house party at one of the guys from another of her classes places. Kinda small group, she’s only thinking 10ish people, but she didn’t want to come alone. And more than that, definitely didn’t want to bring someone who she felt would outshine her. A lovely normal backhanded insult – and luckily even my fucked up body knew that was an insult, leaving my mind to return to what it was doing before once Jenna leaves.

But, after talking a bit more, I get the full story. Jenna went backto surfer boys house and he passed out before she could do anything. Pissed she left last night and has sworn to ‘fix her luck’ tonight. However, even with me coming home in the afternoon, Brooklynn still hasn’t returned – so I guess I qualified as last resort to help her correct her path. Damn, from a no one to the best wingman there is.

Anyways, we set plans to head out in a couple hours – giving me just enough time to study – hopefully. I mean, I came to school to study, right?

Maybe an evening of sitting in the background could help my mind come to grips with all the changes going on and help me refocus on my future. But before that – Poly-Sci. No one wants to fuck an idiot – at least no one I’d want to be with. So back to my notes I go as the clock counts down. I mean, I need to be fuckable, right? Afterall, that’s every girl’s purpose…