Discussion with Dad

I explained to Dad, "Dad, while I obviously love Alya, I am not too thrilled by the notion of having children right now." and he listened to me attentively, and then he suggested, "Did you try telling Alya this?" and I affirmed. We have had this talk a few times, and almost every time she gets angry with me, and we do not go anywhere.

"Sam, does this mean that you are intentionally not performing in.... oh what the hell, sex?" He asked me a very pointed question which only had an objective answer and I answered him honestly, "Dad, while I am not thrilled by the idea of having kids, I am still trying to keep Alya's heart but I think I am just able to do it. I am trying extremely hard but it is just not getting anywhere." and then he suggested the thing that I was sure, will come in the discussion, "Did you ask Alya, if she is comfortable with adoption?"

And I affirmed again and told him that we have discussed this multiple times, but Alya does not want a stranger's child; the child should come from her womb. And then there was just silence for a couple of minutes.

"Sam, I regret to inform you, but I am sorry, son, I don't have a solution for your troubles here." Dad said this to me, and while I had some expectations from him, I was not angry. This was an issue that was inherently personal, and hearing our worries was more than enough for both Alya and me, and I let him know that.

And then we started heading towards the living room again, but suddenly, Dad stopped in his tracks and turned back. There were a bunch of emotions on his face; there was pain, humiliation, shyness, and a whole bunch of others. The only thing I was confident in was that he was ashamed of whatever he was about to say.

"Sam, on a second thought, I might have a solution for your problem." Dad began, and that was music to my ears, but why would he be ashamed of this? I was not sure, but I did not question him and just let him continue, "Sam, you know our older one, he was not born the usual way."

And this statement threw me into a spiral. Kind of baffling even. "What are you talking about, Dad?" and then he shot me his angry eyes, and this was my signal to stop speaking and start listening even more attentively. Then he continued, "I hired a futa to impregnate my wife, and she was the one who gave Connor (Alya's brother) birth."

This was the kind of bombshell I was not expecting at a Thanksgiving dinner, but alas, here we are. And then he continued, "Sam, I am giving you a number of an agency, and you can decide whether to use them or not." And then near my bedside lamp, there was a notebook, and my ball wrote a number quickly on it and closed it. I was surprised he remembered a number he used that long ago.

And I did not say anything; there were so many questions; there was so much that was stuck in the back of my throat, but I did not let it out. I knew that the man in front of me was ashamed of whatever this number is associated with. He understood it, I think, and then we both moved towards the living room.

We all regrouped and chatted for a little bit, and thus ended our Thanksgiving dinner. After Dad and Connie left, I asked Alya, "So what did your mother do to you?" and then Alya told me that it was all some generic crap and she did not think that it would be helpful to us. I told her not to worry, but then she did ask me the same question, and I lied, "Dad has some experience, but he reassured me that it will happen sooner rather than later, so we should keep trying."

There was a look of disappointment on Alya's face for sure, but it is better to not disclose what her father told him as of yet. We will give it a couple more tries, and I really want to keep this relationship simple and not introduce such a wild card this early.