Gotta spend some money

I stand there, looking after Anna. I am in total disbelief AND in heaven at the same time.

I find it absolutely incredible that Anna -- who rumor has it isn't shy about parting her thighs -- would want to go to the Prom with me, a geek, a nerd, a nobody, who has never kissed a girl, never 'shook it wild' in the four years of available school dances, and never caused wild talk with PDAs in the school hallways.

But I am in heaven because ... if I'm going to the Prom -- the last dance of the school year -- with the school slut, doesn't that mean that at long last I am going to lose my virginity?

I don't even wait for the school day to end before I begin preparing for the big night, skipping out of my last two classes to buy Prom tickets at the school office and then head directly for the mall. I spend the next five hours finding and renting a tux, reserving a stretch limo, conning my older brother into buying me four bottles of wildly different liquor -- just in case Anna is a drinker -- and, just in case I DO get lucky, renting a room at the Downtown Regent using my father's credit card.

Three days pass by and the night is here. I show up at Anna' door dressed like a penguin and holding the most God awful excuse of a corsage...