Lunch with Hana… and someone else!

We arrived at a cheap-looking Chinese buffet. Before I could make a joke about eating Chinese and not Japanese, Hana told me to ‘shut up’. I needed to work on my predicability.

As Hana had promised, I payed for our meals. Just a quick note: fuck Chinese buffets, they’re insanely expensive! What the hell?! Not to mention the food being… subpar. It’s a buffet, so they’re constantly pumping out food to refill areas running light. I like Chinese, but we all need to have a conversation over these prices. I rant about this to you since I didn’t want to complain to Hana about the meal I just paid for.

Anyway, as Hana and I ate our overly pricey, underwhelmingly tasty food, I heard the familiar voice of the last person I wanted to hear.

“Michael you slimy mother fucker, what the hell are you doing here?!” Rich slapped me on the shoulder a bit harder than necessary. “And who is this fine piece of a-“

Hana smiled devilishly as her presence silenced Rich. “Hey there, Rich.”

“Uh… hey, Hana.” He replied sheepishly. This was the first time I’d ever heard him talk at a normal volume level. “I was just going.”

“No, no; sit with us! I’m sure Michael won’t mind, right?” Hana gave me a sly wink.

“I mean… sure.” I shrugged. While I didn’t really want to spend any of a day off with my superior, I also found it exciting to see him squirm.

Rich seemed like he was thinking of any way he could possibly get out of the situation. After not finding any, he sighed and put his plate down, sliding next to me in the booth we were sitting at.

“So, are you two… you know….” Rich asked, pointing a chopstick between Hana and I.

“No, Michael was just helping me with some schoolwork today.”

“Also, I have a girlfriend.” I pointed out. “You helped me text her, remember?”

“What?! You had fucking Rich help you text a girl?!” Hana actually dropped her sticks in shock. “Are you stupid?!”

“Okay, ‘helped’ is a strong word-“

Rich interrupted, peeved by Hana’s words. “Hey! What the hell is that supposed to fucking mean? I get mad pussy!”

Hana laughed. Loud. Like, that fake laugh where it’s funny, but you’re annoyed so it’s just an exaggerated “HA!” noise. “You? Listen, buddy; you’re terrible with women. You’re just rich.”

“I know I am. That’s my name, bitch.”

“No, you fucking moron; you’re wealthy. You think women actually like you?” Hana gave Rich a sarcastic look with her eyebrows raised.

“Of course! Show her what I sent, Michael. Then this hoe will know I got that charm.” He smiled, like the message would actually prove his worth.

“Uh… okay, one sec.” I scrolled through my phone and loaded the message. I showed her my phone once I got it.

Hana squinted as she read the message. She struggled some from the awful writing style. “‘Heyyy… babygirl. Now I know you… been yearning for… the big M’s bigger d… and now it’s open for the public, hoe…. If you’re lucky, you can be the first rider…. Grand opening, bitch.’”

She pressed her fingers to her forehead in frustration.

“See?” Rich smiled cockily.

“Yes, I see, Rich; I see the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life. I would genuinely file a sexual harassment complaint to HR if you ever sent that to me. I… I can’t believe you were able to salvage that, Michael.”

I put my phone away. Rich looked baffled.

“Oh, shut the fuck up. It only didn’t work on you because you’re a lesbo.” Rich huffed.

“I’m bi, dipshit. I just have a brain.” Hana scoffed.

“What?! That’s never not worked for me! It’s great on every fucking level! Says your dick is big, adds a sense of fucking urgency, and gives the whore a feeling of importance. Trifecta of pussy-leakage!” Rich explained.

“You sound like a professor of misogyny!” Hana said. “Have you ever sent that to a woman who didn’t already know you were well-off?!”

Rich shrugged. “What, am I supposed to take the ‘Rollie’ off before I talk to a bitch?”

“You are an enigma, Rich.”

The two bickered more as I ate, watching the spectacle unfold. Rich lost more and more of his confidence as it went on until he began slowly chewing on his honey chicken to avoid responding. He would point to his mouth when it was his turn to speak. The added time to think on comebacks didn’t help him very much.

“Okay, okay, agree to disagree, eh?” Rich offered.

Hana laughed. “Yeah, sure.” She rolled her eyes.

“So, how did you two even meet? Don’t you work for the fucking big dudes upstairs?” Rich asked. I wondered if he cared, or if he just wanted to escape from the sights of dissection.

“One of my roommates is a friend of Hana’s.” I explained.

Hana nodded. “One of four women he lives with.”

Rich’s jaw dropped. “What?!” He turned to me. “How many of them have you tapped?!”

“None!” Kinda, anyway; Hana was talking about the living girls, and I’d only fooled around with the dead one.

Rich gasped. “You live with four bitches and haven’t boned one?! You are full of wasted potential, bro.”

“Uh… sorry?”

“It’s okay, you’ll learn.” Rich patted my back, seemingly feeling genuinely bad for me. I looked at Hana, and she giggled.

Conversation became less heated from then on. Hana teased Rich some, but that’s about it. Rich gave me a noogie before we parted ways. Hana laughed at my pain.

“Today’s concert night. We could leave for it now and get there a little early, maybe see some pre-show acts. You cool with wearing that, or do you want to get dressed in something more fitting.” Hana asked as we left.

“Concert night?”

“Yeah. They didn’t tell you? It’s kind of like movie night.”

“Oh yeah, Ava’s thing. I didn’t know that was today.” I envisioned my bag of clothes at home, and saw nothing worth wearing. “Uh… these will be fine. Do you go to those too?”

Hana nodded. “Yeah, The Fuck is awesome. Every week they have a local band play. I think this week’s header is some emo-rock dudes? Not my favorite, but still cool.”

“‘The Fuck’?”

“Yeah, the bar we usually go to. It’s called The Fuck.”

“Uh… okay.” I suddenly had an idea. “Hey, you think it’d be cool if I invited Cait? I was trying to think of a second date spot.”

Hana shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

I pulled my phone out and texted Cait. After getting the time for the show from Hana, Cait gladly said she’d come.

Hell yeah. Everything’s coming up Michael!

**-

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