Sarah and Sadie redefine their relationship

Sarah’s and my mutual orgasm seems to last a long time, going and going and going on forever and ever. Even when it’s done, I can feel my whole-body shaking underneath Sarah. It makes it hard to be sure, but I’m fairly sure that Sarah is having a similar reaction. Eventually though, whether it be a minute or an hour later I have no idea, Sarah pulls back until the ‘Louis’ dildo pulls out of my rear with an audible plop. I can feel myself gape for a few seconds but quickly retain control as Sarah pulls the strap on from around her and then moves to gently undress me until I’m as naked as her. With a soft guiding touch, she gets me up into bed with her and under the covers where we hug and hold each other.

Love. I rack my brain, trying to remember if we’ve ever declared love for each other. We’ve done it before in a girly fun way, like at the mall saying ‘Love ya’ when we part ways or ‘Nothing but love’ when we each head to bed for the night. But ‘I Love You’? I think that’s a first for both of us. I barely get my mouth open to ask Sarah what it means when her finger comes up to press into my lips in her bossy hushing motion. “Shh. We’ll talk about it in the morning. Right now, I just want to snuggle with my girl and get some sleep.”

Snuggle and sleep is exactly what we do.

When I wake up Sarah has already left the bedroom, leaving me hugging her pillow close to my body. After a good stretch and a quick cleanup in the bathroom… I’m really going to have to remember to clean up any cum that squirts out of my chastity cage before it dries… I head into the kitchen and see Sarah sitting with a cup of coffee, a bagel, and her tablet. I don’t see what she’s specifically writing while I pour my own cup of coffee and toast my egg bagel, but I see that she is making one of her famous lists. By the time I have buttered and added some cream cheese… today will just be a cheat day on my normal diet… I sit across from her at the table and wait for her to initiate speaking.

As I watch her swipe and tap at the tablet, watch her take the occasional sip of her coffee, and watch her take the occasional bite of her plain untoasted bagel, I feel a deep warmth in my chest. I realize that the declaration that I made last night as we made love wasn’t something that was momentary or fleeting. I felt a new love for Sarah. I can only hope that she shared a little of the same feeling or can at least respect my feelings enough to not simply crush them under her stylish shoe.

By the time Sarah is satisfied with her list I’ve finished off my bagel and am bringing the carafe over to top off both our cups of coffee. As I sit she sets the tablet down and smiles at me. “Sadie, last night was amazing. I want you to know that that was big for me. You’re obviously the most feminine, um, guy I’ve ever been with. Hell, your feminine enough that it wasn’t hard to look at you as a girl all last night.”

While I’m pleased with what she’s saying, I’m a little taken aback by the fact that Sarah is starting to blush. “I never in a million years would have thought of myself as a lesbian or as bisexual. But my God Sadie, making love to you as a girl was the best, most amazing, most loving, sexual experience I’ve ever had.”

Sarah reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers. As she rubs her thumb comfortingly across the back of my hand, she continues, “When we got you going on this path, when you really started to come out as Sadie and were able to play as Princess BabyDoll, I expected there to be some major bumps. I expected you to break down and cry more about it, to want to fight against the feminization of every aspect of your life. I thought we’d end up in my more traditional relationships. Hell Sadie, I was kind of looking forward to having you be my cute little sissy ****, camming exactly as I told you to. But I can’t deny any longer that I really respect the strength you’ve shown. And for the past couple weeks in general and last night in particular, I think I see you as a woman now more than a man. It’s hard for me to picture you as Nick.”

Sarah looks down at our clasped hands and bites at her lip for a moment before moving forward, “Look, if you’re still seeing this as me forcing you into this, if you’re just biting at the bit to make enough money so that you can return to your ‘real life’ as the normal everyday boy Nick, then you need to tell me. You need to tell me because while I like the idea of being friends with Nick, I think I’m falling in genuine love with Sadie. So, if Sadie is a fake person to you, I need to know, or it will break my heart.”

I squeeze Sarah’s hand, momentarily trying to clear the tears from my eyes before they spill down my cheek. I’ve never heard Sarah speak so genuinely and lovingly before. I’ve never seen her speak so vulnerably before. It makes me feel a little bad as I don’t have a clear answer for her. Instead of trying to answer it in my head before speaking, I just start laying out how I feel. “Uhh, yes and no. I’ve pushed the thoughts of ‘Nick’ into the back of my head but I haven’t ever considered not returning to be him. But… but… I’m not sure I could ever be the same Nick again. I’m a good Sadie. I feel good as Sadie. In a lot of ways, I think I’m a better Sadie than I was ever a good Nick. But I don’t know what that means for my future. Does that make me trans gendered? Does that make me Queer?”

I look deep into Sarah’s eyes as I know this will be full on truth speaking. “I can say that I thought I loved you when I was Nick, but that was just an infatuation. I love you now and I love you as Sadie. I know that I want to keep being Sadie for the foreseeable future. I want to be this new me for the rest of this semester and all of next semester. I’m not sure if I want to return to being Nick during the summer break, as I imagine it will take weeks or even months to transition back, or if I even want to stay as Sadie for longer. But I know that I want to continue to grow and mature as myself. As Sadie. For now.”

Sarah’s face slowly blooms from a nervous concern over what I’m going to say to a genuine look of contentment and happiness. When she pats my hand it’s like she’s accepted what I’ve said and is ready to move on to this new reality. “Okay. Then things are going to have to change. I was finding it harder and harder to play mistress for you over this past month. My only respite in it was that I had to be that mistress because you needed a firm hand to **** you into this body, this mindset, this role. Now that you don’t need that push though, and now that I’d like to maybe explore a more genuine relationship with you, we need to ditch that dynamic. We’re friends. Maybe one day we’ll be lovers too, but we both need to explore that side of ourselves. I’m not sure that I’m fully attracted to women, and you need to see if you’re genuinely attracted to men.”

Sarah spins her tablet around so that I can see her list. “First thing we need to do is talk about your chastity. I’m not going to **** that upon you anymore. But that being said, I still think it’s a good thing for you. I mean, yeah, you’re good at playing sexy and playful Sadie but a big part of that is that pent up sexual energy. I think if you just went free balling around after only a couple months of being Sadie, you’d lose a lot of steam. Maybe it’d be good for you to have a more normal sex drive, but it wouldn’t be good for Princess BabyDoll.”

While talking Sarah reaches over to my phone and pulls it to her. “I’m going to give you the app to control your own cage. That way you can decide when to come out. It’s going to be your choice from…”

I reach across and pull my phone from Sarah’s hands, shaking my head at her even though I’m smiling. “No. I can easily say that I’d love nothing more than to have that damned cage off and to be able to take care of my own sexual desires. But I know that I wouldn’t be able to control it. I wouldn’t exactly whip it off in the middle of a stream, but I’m almost positive that I’d pull it off after a stream to jack off. I’d probably even pull it off before a stream and that would be bad as it’d take away all of that straining **** energy that gets me through those streams.”

I can see that Sarah is torn. Admittedly, the research I’d done on chastity cages was more on ways to break out of it, I still did a lot of research and knew a lot of the terminology, “I need you to continue to be my key holder. We can set up some rules if you’d like, but basically our relationship on this would stay ninety percent the same. You’re stopping me from getting off. The ten percent difference is that you’re doing it with my blessing and that if I truly madly need to get the cage off and… you know… take care of business… I’ll tell you that, and you’ll unlock it. It will just be easier for me to have that extra bump between locked and freedom. Does that make sense?”

Sarah pulls my fingers up to her lips and gives them a kiss, saying, “Of course it does. I’ve had my whole life to get my sexual desires under control and even with all that experience I don’t do a good job of it all the time. You’ve only had a couple months to get your new sexual desires under control. I’d be proud to be your keyholder and to help you out.”

With a tap to the tablet that strikes out a portion of her list, Sarah evidently moves on to the next item up for discussion. “Okay, then that will probably lead into this as well. Your devotionals. I think that most of the work I wanted from them is done. You don’t need them as much as you did in the beginning. That being said, I believe you still benefit from them. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but you’re friskier after a sexual devotional the night before. You’re girlier after one of your affirmational devotionals. So how about this, we continue the devotionals with some tweaks. You can choose, without having to give any reason to me, between an affirmational or sexual devotional. But you have to have at least one sexual devotional each week. We don’t want that sexual energy to diminish over time. And you can even refuse to have a devotional at all, so long as you at least have one affirmational and one sexual devotional each week. You get more choice, you still get the benefits, and I’m not pushing you entirely against your will.”

I nod as I think about what Sarah is proposing. I’d gotten so used to the devotionals that they became almost background noise. They were rarely causing me despair, but I also knew that they were ****. That I didn’t have a choice in them. This would change that. After sighing I respond, “I think that will work with one little change. If I refuse, I’ll owe you an explanation. Even if it’s just that I was tired and wanted to go straight to sleep. I think having to own up to why I didn’t do it will keep me more accountable. They do help and I don’t want to give up on their help until I know I can go without, but I appreciate that I’m more in control of them. There have been plenty of nights that I was just dead to the world and could barely keep my eyes open while sucking on… well, you know.”

Sarah giggles at my internal filter asserting itself and strikes out that entry on her list. “That’s more than fair Sadie. Now another big thing. I don’t think this will be much of a change, but I want it to be more clearly defined. I think it’s important that you continue to explore with both Louis and Marley. I was thinking of that in personal terms before I fell asleep last night. I swear to God, I didn’t know I could be attracted to someone as feminine as you. I thought my attraction stopped at little effeminate girly boys. And now, I feel like I’ve been denying a side of myself for years and years. I wonder if I’d have found a girlfriend or long term lover if I’d been open to it earlier. I’d just shut it out and hadn’t considered it, even though it now seems so obvious. I don’t want you to experience that same grief. Maybe you’ll find out that you are… that Sadie is… a lesbian and is only really attracted to women. But I’ve seen you thinking about and talking about both the physical side with Marley and the emotional side with Louis and I don’t think it will be that black and white. Maybe you won’t have any strong attraction to men after we experiment, but we won’t know that unless we try. If we knew we had years to explore, I’d say we could go slower… but if we consider that this all might be done when spring goes into summer, I think you owe it to yourself to explore it.”

I feel my arms unconsciously cross under my breasts as I lean back in the chair and try to hear what Sarah is saying. But it’s hard with the flashes of memory flying in front of my eyes. When I realize she hasn’t been talking for several minutes and is waiting for my response I let out a little huff of air and **** myself to speak. “Let’s… let’s put a pin in that for now. I know you’re right. I can even remember just a couple weeks ago when I’d have completely agreed with you and been happy to explore that side of me. But…”

I look away, losing the battle to keep the tear from rolling down my cheek. Before I know it, Sarah is sitting right next to me, pulling my face down to her chest as she wraps her arms around me. “God Sadie, I didn’t even think of that. Todd. Of course, what he did to you is going to color your experience with men. It’ll affect you now and it will likely affect you forever. A part of me hated Marley for ruining that part of your life but I especially hate Todd, knowing he killed a piece of your innocence that can never come back. Of course we’ll put a pin in that. If you want to explore more there then I know Marley and Louis will help you. But if you don’t, I also know that they’d understand. We’ll get through this.”

Sarah and I talked for another hour or so about how our lives are going to change, but most of the big changes were the chastity cage and the devotionals. Most of the big changes were switching from Sarah being in command of me to me being in command of me.