Like a nightmare

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Message from the author: The most important thing to read this chapter well is to use quotation marks.

"This means real language."

'This means something is happening in a dream or a medium that cannot be influenced by language. Like a cell phone.'

This is my first attempt at this method and I don't think the result is bad, even if it can be a bit difficult to read. I'll leave the judgment up to you.

Now, please enjoy...

Chapter 30

What a day.

An intimidating day.

But that's every day of my life and I wish it were different.

But today was a good day too.

"Eat some more Lisa honey." My father leans over the table with his bulging stomach pressing against the edge. But that doesn't stop him and he grabs my plate and shovels some more mashed potatoes onto it. "Here. Eat."

"Thanks dad." I feel comfortable with my father and he looks after me so well that I don't want for anything. "Did you have a nice day?" he asks me and then remembers one of the many magazines he has read. I see them lying around the house. 'Single parenting my daughter'. He really tries very hard. "Tell me about it." He smiles at me encouragingly, knowing that I have suffered a lot recently. This time, however, his eyebrows go up when he sees me smiling.

"Finn is back," I tell him, and his overwhelming reaction reflects exactly my inner joy.

"That's fantastic, honey," he says happily. "I was wondering why he had withdrawn." He looks at me a little more intently and I avoid his gaze. "I just hope he's better now. I don't like it when he hurts my little girl." I'm 19, I think to myself but don't say anything. Dad just wants to protect me and since Mom... He tries so hard and he knows how much I like Finn... He would never say anything against my best friend, and I like him even more because he tries so hard to be a good father to me.

"He had a really bad time, Dad," I explain. "His family, you understand?" He nods understandingly.

"I always liked the boy. He doesn't have a father, but he still turned out to be a good man. I like seeing you with him. I trust him.” Dad smiles warmly at me, his thick blond beard and lumberjack shirt make him look like a chubby teddy bear. A teddy bear who protects his family, just like the people who are important to them. “You know that he is always welcome here if he gets into trouble.”

“Yes.” I don’t say anything more. We both know that Finn would never ask my father for help. He is too proud for that and even if I don’t dare tell Dad, I am sure he understands this character trait of my best friend. Men and stuff. I try to stay out of it and am just glad that Finn is back

Although I would really like it if he slept here for a night. Or several nights?

But that won’t work. Not that Dad hasn’t offered him to live here for a while at least if things get too hot in the family. He earns a lot from his work as a construction manager on the big construction sites in New York. But Finn wouldn’t leave his sister, that’s what I like so much about him. He takes good care of the people he values. Including me.

Like he did today.

"Honey? Is everything OK?"

"Hm?" I look up from my plate.

"You haven't even touched your mashed potatoes yet."

"It's OK, Dad," I smile and eat something from my plate. "I'm really fine." The mashed potatoes taste fantastic. "Very good, actually."

---

Alone in my room, I prepare for the night. It's warm and cozy and I feel good. I always feel best alone, I found that out in kindergarten. I wasn't even mocked, I just didn't want the company of other people. Maybe that makes me weird, but the thought of being around lots of unknown people is worse than knowing I'm alone. Being alone is the lesser evil and I can often come to terms with it. It's rare that I miss someone and that's okay for me.

But I missed Finn.

I don't know what it is but with him, it's as if it's okay to be weak. I don't like being weak but Finn doesn't see my social phobia as a weakness and that allows me to overcome my fears sometimes.

Ryan is a good friend. He's funny, polite, sometimes a bit too loud but he makes me laugh a lot.

But Finn is something else, I noticed that early on and I hope we fit well together. He tells me that again and again, today he gave me the same feeling, and yet he never judges me when I fail to respond appropriately to a joke or a question. He doesn't know such terms either, accepts me as I am and only expects me to do well in life.

That's very relaxing.

Most of the time.

Because I often wish I could give Finn back some of the positive energy he always radiates. Sofie is someone who is capable of that and... It's not that I don't like her. She's a nice person but... I would also like to be able to laugh out loud at his jokes, which are really good. I would also like to be able to engage with him freely and carefree in public. Just as he deserves.

But I can't and even though I had a nice day today... The insecurity and distance between me and the world never go away.

Yes, sometimes it does.

Sometimes I feel like I'm part of the culture I live in.

Whenever I'm with Finn.

---

Sigh... It doesn't help. I have these thoughts every day and I know that they come back every night to greet me every morning. And then I see Finn and the day is good.

My room is decorated in bright colors and Dad has spared no effort and spent a lot of money to make me as comfortable as possible here. And I am very grateful to him for that. The large mirror on my wall is often unused. I don't need much to make myself 'pretty', as far as that goes for someone like me, but now I'm standing in front of it and looking at my body.

Objectively, I don't look bad. A four, maybe a five on good days. Finn would disagree with me. But I never put much effort into my appearance.

But he said he likes my outgoing attitude...

I don't know what he means by that but...

It certainly doesn't help but if he likes it...

Lisa Moreau +2 (PS -78)

I hesitantly look at myself in the mirror and look at my body.

Maybe a six? What did Finn say? Outgoing? Maybe...

I smile at myself in the mirror, but am frightened by my grimace. I don't have much practice with it and... Yes. I have practice with it. I just can't think about myself but...

This time it's already working better. And it doesn't surprise me.

Thinking about Finn always makes me smile. And now it does too.

And that's actually it. There's nothing more to see here. Lisa smiling, because of Finn.

But I don't turn away from the mirror, I keep looking at myself. My brow furrows as I look at my body. I don't like looking so grim. I prefer to smile and luckily I know exactly how to make myself smile.

"Wow..." I haven't felt this good in front of the mirror for a long time.

Maybe a seven after all? No. Don't be so fussy, Lisa. You're not that beautiful.

The smile disappears again when I think about the fact that I might actually be ugly. But I don't want to think like that. Finn tried so hard to make sure I was okay and since he's been back I've been smiling and laughing and grinning all the time.

And now I'm doing it again.

Okay. Maybe not a seven. But not a five either. I don't know... Maybe...

And then my stomach fills with poor energy that fills my whole body.

"Oh!" I quickly turn away from the mirror, search through my school things and find my cell phone... I can ask him if...

What if he doesn't like it? What if he's busy and I disturb him? What...

Dejected, I put the cell phone down and feel the stab in my stomach. I would have liked to take a photo for him, a photo of me smiling and thanking him. But I don't dare.

---

"Good night, sweetie," Dad says and pulls his head out of the room through the door.

"Night Dad," I whisper and snuggle up in my duvet. My father's worried looks follow me and I owe it to him that his daughter has a good night.

I do what I always do when I have bad thoughts. I roll onto my side, curl up, the blanket in a soft, warm mountain above me... And there he is.

'I'm glad you had a nice evening,' I hear his voice in my head and imagine his body in the bed next to mine.

"It was because of you," I whisper. I would die if my father found out that I was imagining Finn lying next to me and...

'Let me caress your cheek. Like that. Peace. Quiet. You don't have to be ashamed of anything and you know I'm happy to be there for you. In your imagination and in real life.'

"I wanted to be nicer to Sofia today but I didn't dare."

'That's okay. We know you're a good person. Sofia knows that too.'

"I'm always so scared. Can't you always be there for me?"

'Oh my sweet Lisa. I would love to. But you never ask me. And I understand why you do that. You also want to protect me, give me something back and I respect you for that.'

"For real?"

'For real. And now go to sleep. My real self wants to see you again tomorrow and see that you are well.'

"Can you..." Even in the privacy of my room, I am embarrassed to ask. But Finn, my Finn, exactly the Finn who also exists in the real world, just smiles happily.

'Of course I can. Now lie down, close your eyes and breathe calmly.'

"Okay... thank you..."

'We are in a large, empty ballroom. It is warm, the sun is shining and the light is casting white stripes across the golden room. You are wearing a beautiful dress, white, long, almost transparent. I can see your skin underneath, just the idea of ​​it. You have flowers in your hair and you look beautiful.'

"What are you wearing, Finn?"

'Your favorite outfit for me. Black velvet that goes so well with your eyes. Your movements are so fluid and beautiful. Do you dare to let a few spectators watch our dance, my dear?'

"Yes... but just a few... okay?"

'Good. I'm so proud of you. This is your dream and one day it will come true.'

"Finn... Finn... I..."

'Finn, you are so wonderful.'

'I know, my dear. You make me do it and...'

'Finn... what... What are all the people doing here? The light, it's getting dark and grey and... Finn, I'm scared. It's so crowded... Hundreds of people... they're dancing so close to me... Finn, make them go away... Finn!'

'Everything is fine, my dear... Just look at me... listen to my voice and hold tight on me.'

'You feel so good, your hands on my face. You are so warm and...'

'Look around, my dear. Dare. Do you see it?'

'People are still here... They are so close and...'

'Don't be afraid, my dear. I won't leave you. Remember your wish. Dance with me. Yes, that's good. Very slowly and carefully. Do you see? People can't hurt you. I am with you. And just look. The light is getting brighter, it is getting warm again.'

'It is you. You make it bright and warm.'

'It is us, my dear Lisa. Yes, it is me, but you too. Look around. People don't care about you. And I am here for you.'

'Yes... You feel so good.'

'I like it when you lean against me, Lisa.'

'I like it when you stroke my back in that ridiculous romantic dress.'

'Your dreams and wishes are not ridiculous, Lisa. I like them. And do you know what else I like?'

'Finn! No! Hahaha No! Don't make me dance so fast. Haha. Stop twirling me around! Finn!'

'Yes. Look! People make room for us. Some look angry but others are happy for you. They are happy for you because you are happy.'

'You make me happy Finn. You make me so happy! Thank you! THANK YOU!'

'Scream it Lisa! Let it all out! Be happy! Take your place! Show the world that it belongs to you! Show everyone!'

'I am so happy! So happy! Finn I am so happy! I want to tell you!'

'They are all looking at you dear Lisa. Look at the people. You are not afraid of them. It is bright and warm and everyone is happy for you. You are part of this world. You can say it. You are finally happy.'

'Because of you Finn! Because of you! I... I...'

'Say it dear Lisa. Tell me. Shout it out to the world.'

"I LOVE YOU! Finn I..."

The sun is blinding me and it's almost as if someone is hitting me in the face with a pillow, I'm so startled out of my dream. It's like a nightmare... only... good. Panting and breathing heavily, I sit upright in bed, my eyes wide and swaying slightly as I slowly realize that I'm not dreaming anymore.

"Wow..." I run my hands through my hair with shaking fingers. I've never had a real dream like this before and I can remember every detail. About myself, about the people... And about Finn.

"Oh my god..."

I've admitted my feelings to myself! That can't be! No! That...

I've fought against my feelings many times before, but this time... It feels wrong thinking so baldy. The dream... Finn wouldn't want me to suffer like that, I understand that now. No matter how scared I am of people, of the world... And of the certainty that I love a boy who deserves to live with someone better.

But...

I don't feel like that anymore. Finn from my dream was right. So real to the Finn I'll be seeing in a few hours...

"Oh no! What time..." But it's early. The sun is just rising over the city and I even woke up before my alarm clock... And completely rested. And at peace.

Yes. I have to admit my feelings to myself. And I have to admit that if I want someone like Finn, I want Finn, I have to prove myself to him. I have to prove to him that I'm no longer afraid of my feelings. And I know that he will protect me. From people and from myself. The people I can show myself to. And from myself, to whom I can prove that I can control my fear.

I don't know everything yet. But this dream... I know that I'm fine. Thanks to him.

And that only leaves one feeling in me.

One more look at the alarm clock next to my bed... More than enough time.

---

I look between my spread legs. God, I wish I knew what I was doing. Because unlike my dreams with Finn, the sky blue hairbrush is not able to depict the boy, his skills above all, which I need.

But I have never been as sweaty as I am now. I need release.

"Oh Finn," I whisper and allow myself to imagine for the first time that it is him kneeling between my legs. "Please make love to me and..." That's all I know. I once tried watching dirty videos on the Internet, but that was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Now, with the sky blue brush between my shaking legs, a little more knowledge would come in handy. All I know is...

"Oh... oh yes..." In and out, that's the most important thing. And as always when I can't take it anymore, after weeks of fantasy, or this incredibly intense dream, it doesn't take long before my vagina to contract around the handle of the brush. "Thank you Finn... Oh thank you..." I whisper as the world around me is filled with light, as it always does when he's near me. "You're so good to me..."

Of course I know what an orgasm is and whenever I think of Finn, which happens every time I can't take it anymore, about every three weeks, it's over after several glorious seconds. I have no idea how long an orgasm lasts, with Finn it would certainly be better, but the seconds in which I come with the thought of him are always the ones in which I am weakest.

Just not today. Today, even after the orgasm, I have no pangs of conscience. I'm not afraid, neither of people nor of my feelings. I am free.

Free enough to thank him.

I quickly pull my legs up to me, put on my panties and hurry out of the room. First I shower, then get dressed and...

---

Finally I'm standing in my room, clean and smelling good, and try to find a way to do what I want to do for Finn. It's not that I don't dare, the dream was too good for that. I just have to... There's the shirt, actually an undershirt... I don't have a dress. I giggle. It would be too obvious, even for me. But I have a skirt, much too short, never worn before.

And I have a headband.

Plus long socks that I rarely wear... God, just seeing the things lying on the bed... But I feel good when I get naked and put them on. Then the hair...

"Oh... well..." I don't want to touch the hairbrush for now, lying dirty and messy on my bed between the dents my feed dug during my Lisa-Time. But it's fine. The sun shines into the room, fills the room with light and Finn fills me with warmth. There's my cell phone. I look around the room carefully. I've never done anything like this before. But there's always a first time and I want to take advantage of the good feeling that Finn has created.

So... The handy is positioned here... I will be there... Timer... And...

'Hey Finn? How do I look?'

Lisa Moreau +12 (PS -66)

---

Message from the author: I actually didn't intend to make the chapter so cheesy. But I love cheese and somehow it felt wrong to let Lisa play around with herself. So I made her a bit... well, pretty inexperienced. But I have to say it feels right to do her like that. This should make it clear that it's a good thing to help her with the MCD and I hope I was able to make the transition from her dream world to the dream that Finn wanted for her clear. And it's also important, as I indicated in the last chapter, that Finn didn't directly control this dream. Lisa decided to dream of him in this way and the MCD used her dream to take away her fear of people through her path and to make her trust in Finn clear.

I wish you a happy, festive and peaceful Christmas and look forward to guiding you through the preparations for New Year's Eve with my stories. So thank you again for everything. Stay safe and optimistic. Look after those you care for most. And remember.

Fly safe.

Finn 0815

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA49DDZ13LA