Surprisingly well.

Erica looked up from her monitor as two of her students walked into her office. "Hey, guys. Here for office hours?"

Now that they were here, Ross was starting to have doubts. The plan was straightforward - he distracts her while Andrew surreptitiously sits behind him and performs the incantation. Andrew had practiced it for hours and could recite it from heart, but unfortunately it took about a minute and had to be uninterrupted. Ross cleared his throat.

"Yeah, uh, we were going over chapter seven and we're really struggling with polynomial modulos..."

Erica smiled sympathetically. "That's definitely the hardest part of this class. I'm glad you came to see me instead of bashing your head against it. Let's start with something simple."

As she got up and turned to the whiteboard behind her, Andrew's phone went off. He had set an alarm with his ringtone as part of their plan, and he pulled out the phone and grimaced.

"Ugh, it's my mom. She's probably locked out of her computer again. You guys can get started, I just need to take this quick."

"Sure," the professor said distractedly as she wrote out an equation on the board. "Just be quick, we'll catch you up."

He hastily thanked her and sat on the small couch opposite her desk, pretending to answer his phone. As planned, Ross positioned himself between them and kept listening. As Erica walked him through a very basic modulo operation, Andrew quietly slipped the piece of clay out of his backpack and put a trembling hand on it. He whispered the words into his phone while Ross tried to keep Erica occupied.

"...now let's introduce a second variable. Andrew, are you almost done with your call?" She glanced over and noticed the tablet. "Oh, cool! Is that some kind of ancient-"

She stopped midsentence and her eyes widened in a shocked expression that would have been comical in other circumstances. For a moment, no one in the room moved. Ross thought his heart would stop.

Then Erica's jaw shot downward and a scrap of paper fluttered out. Neither student made an effort to catch it; they were mesmerized by Erica's transformation. Her eyes turned milky white and she collapsed, banging her head hard on the desk.

Andrew leapt up and closed the door, and Ross rushed to his teacher's side. "Oh fuck," Ross said quietly. All of her limbs seemed somehow loose, like she was a ragdoll. Her mouth stayed open and her eyes were sightless pearls. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck-"

"Quiet!" Andrew hissed. "We need to deal with this now."

"It worked," Ross said. His voice was high and thin and his trembling hands were hovering over the golem's limp frame. "It worked, dude, she's a fucking golem, she's-"

"I said quiet!" Andrew grabbed the small script off of the floor. It was a little bigger than a credit card and one side had a strange, rough texture.

"Shit, man, this is her script," he whispered. "She isn't real. Professor Levinson isn't a real fucking person, dude! We've been learning number theory from a goddamn golem!"

"What do we do now?" Ross asked, his voice sharp with panic.

"We stand her back up, put the script back, and walk away," Andrew said. "It's her office hours, man. Someone could show up at any time." He put his arms under the golem's and lifted it. "Grab the chair! Damn, she's lighter than I would have thought."

Ross hurried around her desk and grabbed her chair, positioning it behind her. Even limp and unresponsive, he took a moment to appreciate her incredible ass before Andrew slid her into the chair. Her head lolled limply to the side; with her mouth open, eyes cloudy, and head at an unnatural angle, she looked like a zombie.

Andrew put the script on her tongue and touched her forehead. Before he could speak, Ross stopped him.

"Wait! What if she wakes up and knows we deactivated her or whatever? What if she calls the cops or something?"

"Don't worry," Andrew told him. It occurred to him that Ross had never really believed it would work. "I did my research. She'll come to and her mind or processor or whatever will automatically fill in the missing time. This was just a test run."

Ross swallowed nervously, his heart racing. "Are you sure?"

"Not really," Andrew said. "AKEDAH."