Sadie ends her relationships with Marley and Louis

For the rest of Monday, after thinking about Dr. Lacy and specifically thinking about my family doctor, Dad, and Dallas, I consider how I’m going to deal with the family situation. So far, it’s been going decently. We’d gone weeks without speaking before and so going another couple months without any voice communication wasn’t exactly abnormal. We kept up via texts and emails and messaging apps. I had to make up a story to Dallas that I just didn’t have time for streaming any more and was instead focused on my classes and a new girlfriend. He joked that my streaming wasn’t that good anyway, and I laughed it off knowing that he was jealous of my streaming before I came to college.

But this avoidance communication wasn’t going to be good enough going forward. Thanksgiving was coming up and I had to have a plan since we’d unofficially been assuming that I’d be coming home for the long weekend break. They’ll probably be fine with me not coming home as I’d told them that school had to come first, but they’d want to talk to me and I’ll want to talk to them. On the phone. Using my voice.

When I mention my problem to Sarah at dinner, she goes quiet for a bit. When I finally get her attention again, she tells me she might have a way for me to talk to them on the phone. She reminded me that she had been planning on using a vocal modulator to give me a feminine voice before Dr. Lacy had altered my vocal cords with the fat grafting. If a vocal modulator could have given me a feminine voice, there wouldn’t be any reason it couldn’t work in reverse, giving my now feminine voice a masculine tone.

The only problem she foresaw was that while we’d have accepted anything in the feminine realm as acceptable when trying to mask my male voice, going the opposite way meant trying to match what my voice was before.

After our evening streams Sarah came into my room with her equipment, and we tried it out. It took a couple hours of trial and error, but we finally got a pretty good setup. It sounded like me with a cold, but it was close enough and would work perfectly with the excuse as to why I couldn’t come home for Thanksgiving. The setup was really limiting though as I had to run the modulator through my computer, which outputs my voice from the speakers. I had to set up a little soundproof box with my phone and a speaker and microphone in it. Wearing my headset, I’d be able to hear them through the microphone pickup in the box, then speaking into my headset’s mic and processing my voice through the computer it’d be output through the speaker in the box and into the phone. It had about a quarter of a second delay, which simply meant I’d have to avoid speaking at the same time as them.

I set all the equipment aside and hold off the urge to try it out now. As much as I’d love to hear Dad and Dallas’ voices, I don’t want to set the precedent that speaking by phone is easy.

The next morning, I see Louis’ Instygram post about how much fun he had for Halloween. It’s not a direct call to me, but it reminds me that I’ve been waiting to talk to him. Before the trip with Marley I’d been leaning into trying a relationship with him. But now, just thinking of Louis reminds me of Marley. Probably because they both make me feel feminine in different ways. Regardless of the why though, being reminded of Marley rots the memory of Louis and my time with him. It’s hard to think upon those times fondly when I’m remembering being held against Marley’s cock. It’s hard to feel romantic, remembering kissing Louis when it reminds me of Marley’s cum splashing off my lips.

The absolute worse thing my mind can do, it did. As I struggle to only remember my time with Marley and not relieve it, my mind makes me imagine what it would be like if it were Louis instead of Marley. Seeing his white legs instead of Marley’s black ones. Hearing Louis’ calming voice above me, calling me his good girl, letting me know I’m making him feel good, while he bucks and cums against my lips.

After I got into the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face… and then fixing my makeup… I sit down and jump into Louis’ Instygram DMs. He’s immediately there, evidently happy to chat with me. It breaks my heart to be so cold, but I know this is for the best when I tell him that I want to meet him in the park to discuss our future. It’s wouldn’t be fair to do it over a messaging app but letting him go face to face won’t be a walk in the park either.

After some morning streams and hyping up a surprise Tuesday Night Date Night, I borrow Sarah’s Mustang to go meet Louis. Halfway there I hear my phone buzz with an incoming call. As Sarah doesn’t have any type of Bluetooth connection for her car I wait until I’m in the parking lot of the park to see who called. Angrily I listen to the voicemail from Marley, hating that just this interaction is going to color my time with Louis.

Marley’s voice mail is enough that I can’t ignore it. He says he appreciates how I feel but that it shouldn’t affect my workouts and that he’d still like to be my trainer. Dialing him back up he answers, seemingly happy to have me on the phone. I make sure to squash that feeling as quickly as possible. “Look, Marley I told you I needed time. And you can’t even give me that. If I can’t trust you for that, how the hell can I trust you to be my trainer? How can I trust you to put your hands on me? How can I trust you to be alone in the same room with me?”

Marley, obviously not having the conversation he thought he was going to have, stammers and he tries to salvage something, but I don’t let him get his thoughts together and move to make a clean break from our professional relationship. “Look, we still owe you for the rest of the semester. Your contract was clear that regardless of us using you or not, we had to pay up. So, we’ll do that. But it’s going to come in one lump payment as I don’t think we’ll be using your services again this year.”

I hate that it feels good to make Marley feel bad. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want him to feel bad. But I can’t stop myself, which is one of the reasons I wanted to avoid this. I knew I wasn’t ready. Marley argues with me about the payment which at least makes him acknowledge that he won’t be my trainer going forward. We go back and forth for a good five minutes before he finally lays down his law, saying that while I can try to send him a venmo or paypal payment, he won’t accept it. It’s a two-way street for me to pay him and he won’t accept payment for services not being rendered. I finally agree, but feel myself lash out one last time, telling him that even in this he gets to screw me over without any care of how it makes me feel. He tries to talk his way out, but I hang up and ignore his immediate call back. I even go so far as to set up his contact information so that his calls and texts won’t even sound on my phone.

With that done, I step out of the car and head over to where Louis and I had our picnic. Marley’s call has made me late, so Louis is already there and waiting for me. I feel a shudder go through me just thinking of talking to Louis. And even though I can clearly see it’s him and not Marley, I can’t help but feel my body react as though it’s Marley. These two men, Louis and Marley, are so closely related in my own thought and feelings, that I can’t prevent my gut feelings toward Marley to overlap and affect how I feel about Louis.

And that means there is no possibility of us exploring any type of relationship going forward. At least not the romantic relationship that I know Louis is hoping for. Pulling my denim jacket a little closer around me I approach Louis and **** a smile on my face. I might be breaking his heart, but I don’t need to look mean while doing it. We greet each other with a hug that I try not to be stiff at and only partially succeed. Walking hand in hand, we end up sitting on the swings and moving back and forth. When our frivolous social catch up is done I just dive in. “Louis, you know I’ve been torn on us being together. I’m trying not to hide how I feel, that I’ve enjoyed parts of us together and other parts has scared me. But the more I thought about it, the more I think that I want to avoid us having a romantic relationship. I… I just think it will take away from my streaming and I’ve sacrificed too much for that to happen. I still have to establish my brand and focusing on that would take away any time I spend with you.”

It’s a lie but skirts so close to the truth that it should hardly count as a falsehood. I do need to focus on my streaming, and I do need to continue to focus on establishing my brand. Acting like either of those things should prevent me from going out with Louis is the only exaggeration I’m offering.

Louis surprises me by reaching out and taking my hand. I can see that he’s not happy but he’s also not going to fight me on my decision. “Sadie, if that’s how you feel then I can understand it. I know that it’s harder for girls to get started streaming than it is for guys like me. You have to establish yourself as sexy to men and to fit their definition of normal and attractive, while maintaining an independence that male streamers just don’t have to ****.”

I nod, happy that he’s making this easy on me. “You know this doesn’t change the fact that we’re friends. Without even any consideration for audiences or subscribers or stuff like that, I’ll still hang out online with you and hope that you’ll occasionally join in on my streams. It’s just the in-person stuff that’s going to be affected.”

We chat for a little longer and it breaks my heart a little when Louis reiterates that he understands but adds that he does have feelings toward me. And that me breaking off our in-person relationship and him respecting my wishes doesn’t diminish his feelings.

By the time I get home I need to get ready for the stream tonight. I almost wish I hadn’t hyped up a date night tonight as I absolutely don’t feel like playing that sexy ditzy side of myself. But this is a job and me not wanting to do it doesn’t change the fact that I should. Bypassing dinner all together I try to start out fresh with a shower and a fresh hairstyle. I’d planned on working the crown braid styling into my streaming stylebook, but as I can now only associate it with Marley, it's absolutely not going to be repeated. Instead, I put my hair up into a single high ponytail and work on adding a ton of volume to the hair making it almost look like a princess horse tail.

Looking for outfits reminds me that I’m going to have to do some serious shopping. I don’t remember this being a conscious choice, but evidently sometime along the way I made Princess BabyDoll’s showing off her midriff to be normalized. Now, wanting to hide my tattoo away, I’ve eliminated over three quarters of my tops. Thankfully I find a sweater that shows off the season and that the dryer had done everything it could to ruin, making it so small that my breasts were at threat of snapping it into several ragged pieces.

As the sweater was long enough, I put on a pair of tights that would show off my legs without any skirt or shorts getting in the way. I’m sure the guys in my audience would love imagining me pulling off the sweater and being very close to nude at that point. At least in their fantasy.

Slowly, I grow into the mood I need for my stream. I’m able to put on my makeup, knowing damned well that I’m sexing it up for the views. My hand only shakes a little as I apply the gloss over my painted lips, reliving Marley applying a similar ‘gloss’ to my lips.

As I don’t really want to go down the path of a realistic dating sim but knowing that my Date Night audiences like that type of game, I pick out a new one. Obey/Command Me! Sounds like a fun premise. A human student going to a demon school that gets housed with 5 demons. You can play as either a boy or a girl but are always housed with the opposite gender for roommates. And through in-game choices you make, you either end up being dominant to all of your roomies, or as I suspect my audience will choose for me, you end up being submissive to all of them.

Hopefully it will be as popular as my Friday Night Date Night streams without me having to double up with play that makes me think of Louis and Marley.

Once I start, my audience loves the game choice, and it’s not twenty minutes into the steam before they realize what the choices mean and we’re off to the races. I keep up polls for the choices, letting my audience decide without money being an incentive. Or at least not a direct incentive. Those that tip keep their chat messages on screen longer, so the people that desperately want to see me dating my five demon room mates as their submissive little girl tend to donate a lot to get their messages out convincing others how to vote in the polls.

By the end of the night I’ve relaxed and am able to tease and play with my audience. We haven’t got too far into the game, but it’s clear by the most recent in-game ‘gift’ that my character has gotten… a golden collar… that I’ll be a dating **** girl soon enough. I’m actually hoping that I get some sexy horns and a tail out of it, as those would make for some fun costumes to wear while streaming!

When I sign off, I feel a little hitch in my breathing. Louis is there, and even though he knows I’d scour the chat transcript to see everything he wrote, he tips enough so that it’s big and clear on screen. “Good Night Princess! Your Prince Wishes You Sweet Dreams!”