Light Nimbus pt 4

“Found you again, Gaunt!”

Megan Jones stepped out from behind a suit of armor standing against the wall ahead of you as you led the other Slytherins out of History of Magic.

“Jones, smashing to see you again so soon,” you replied with an amused grin. Her sudden appearance hadn’t startled you like you had done when you surprised the Hufflepuffs earlier.

She seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “You’re looking rather awake for someone who just came out of History of Magic.”

“I don’t necessarily pay attention to Binns… but I do try to use the time productively,” you replied. “Since we have Potions Friday mornings… I’ll usually review that or start writing whatever essay Professor Snape assigned. Been doing that our first week all the way back in September. It’s especially helpful to get a headstart when I have an evening Quidditch practice.”

“Why’s she here?” Parkinson groused from somewhere behind you.

Jones stepped closer to you. You didn’t have eyes on the back of your head but you felt it safe to assume that there were a number of hostile glares being sent the lone Hufflepuff’s way. A silver sickle said Parkinson’s glare was the most poisonous.

Now with a shield (you) between her and your housemates… the Hufflepuff shrugged casually and gave a dimpled grin. “Gaunt challenged me to come find him. And I have. Twice.” She firmly slapped your shoulder. “Tag. That’s two for me. One for you.”

“And none for Flint,” you chirped with a cheery grin.

“Follow-up question…” Millicent interjected as she came to stand beside you. Your gaze flicked back and forth as you found yourself standing between two witches who were both half a head taller than you. “How are you here?”

Oh. Right. Jones was lying in wait as soon as you came out of class. History of Magic was your first lesson of the afternoon. So whether the Hufflepuffs had a single lesson or a double lesson… that meant Megan left class early to get hers so quickly.

“Good point, Millie,” you said, “Did you skive off class so you could find me?”

“I’m not skiving,” Jones insisted. “I got Professor Quirrell to let me out early.”

“How’d you manage that?” you questioned.

Megan stepped closer and lowered her voice as she whispered her secret, “I told him I had cramps and asked to be excused so I could get a potion from Madam Pomfrey.”

Cramps?

“That works!?” Millicent blurted out.

“For a Slytherin… maybe not,” Jones answered, “But for a Hufflepuff… it does. If you think that man stammers a lot normally… listen to him after a witch brings up her monthlies.”

OOHH! Realisation dawned.

“Lying to a professor?” you teased her. “Your friends are going to blame me for corrupting you.”

“Who says I’m lying?” she retorted. “Maybe I’ll swing by the Hospital Wing and get a monthly potion anyway.”

“Might be better off with the cramps,” Millicent mumbled. “That potion tastes foul.”

Megan poked your forehead, “Then ask the Potions prodigy here to improve the flavor.”

Your shoulder was suddenly bumped as Pansy rushed up to stand on your other side. This led you to wonder how close she’d been standing.

“Can you do that!? Can you actually improve the flavor?” Close enough to eavesdrop, obviously.

Parkinson, Jones, and Bulstrode were all staring at you expectantly. It said something of how truly awful this monthly potion tasted that they were all on the same page on this matter.

“Erm… I could technically add something with a potent flavor to the potion during the final brewing stage… and it could possibly overpower the potion’s normal flavor. But that’s not usually recommended because adding unnecessary ingredients to a potion runs the risk of reducing its effectiveness. I’d have to see a recipe of what ingredients are in it and then I’d need to find something that not only has a more pleasant potent flavor… but also doesn’t cause any ill-effects when interacting with the other ingredients. I can’t risk going to the library today. I don’t want Flint to find me so I need to avoid my usual Gaunt haunts. It will have to wait until the weekend.”

Greengrass spoke up from almost directly behind you… which answered your previous question about how close Pansy had been standing. “You think Flint spends time in the library?”

You looked back to see Daphne and Tracey standing behind you. The girls had you completely surrounded. The guys were… GONE? You glanced to the side and saw Draco hurrying them down the stairs out of the North Tower to escape the witch-related drama you once again found yourself at the center of.

“Thanks a lot, you useless wankers!” you grumbled internally before answering Greengrass, “Flint could have one of his yearmates staking the place out with instructions to warn him if I show up. If this means that much to you… one of you will need to go to the library and find me a book on this monthly potion.”

Preferably with background information. Because this seemed like more of a problem for a witch to solve and not a first year wizard with no need to ever drink a potion meant for witches. If the potion tasted so bad… then why hadn’t anyone tried to alter it before you? There might be a good reason why no one tampered with the recipe.

“On that note, I’m off!” Megan announced as she backed away. “I’ve gotta hurry if I want to make it to Transfiguration on time.” She turned and ran down the corridor toward the Grand Staircase.

Did it count as finding someone if they told you where they were going to be? The Transfiguration classroom wasn’t too far from the Herbology Greenhouse.

“YOU’RE STILL ONLY THIRD!” Parkinson shouted after her. The peace brought on by the unified distaste for the monthly potion was only temporary. “COPPER KNUT!”

Using ‘copper’ instead of bronze meant she was trying to reduce the third place ranking’s value. But there was something in the way she stressed copper that made it sound like the shrill shrew was trying to be racist.

You scowled at Parkinson, “That right there is half the reason you’re not on it.”

“So she is third!” Greengrass confirmed when you didn’t deny Jones’ ranking.

Parkinson glared at you. “No one cares about the list of a first year with an over-inflated ego!”

Greengrass’ interest begged to differ. Parkinson may have voiced the true weakness of the Vaunted List of Gaunt: the value of the rankings only mattered to someone who valued your opinion. But the truth about your list coming from Pansy Parkinson was a lie.

“But you do,” you countered Parkinson’s feint with a hard right that caused her to flinch back. “That’s why you brought it up and shouted about the rankings. You care. Because, minor as my influence upon the school may be, my list represents a small form of social hierarchy. Being on the list means I deem you important. And it eats you up that you’re not on it. But as I mentioned at breakfast this morning… I find being **** to spend so much time in your company incredibly unpleasant. If the list is a measure of how much attention I pay a witch… you’re someone I’d go out of my way to ignore if we didn’t share the same schedule.”

Her face went red as your counterattack registered but her mouth curled into a nasty scowl as she side-stepped to stand fully in front of you. “Marvolo... you couldn’t ignore me if you tried.”

That was bold of her.

“Watch me.” You promptly hooked your arm around Millicent’s elbow and steered her around the glowering girl in front of you. “Let us go, Number One. We wouldn’t want to be late for Herbology. I still need to ask Professor Sprout about Gillyweed.”

Tracey giggled as you went down the stairs and made a quiet remark to Daphne but you had no idea who ‘Jean-Luc Picard’ was. Neither did her pureblood best friend, apparently. You didn’t hear the blonde half-blood’s provided explanation but you did hear Greengrass’ louder insistence that shaving your head bald would be a terrible idea.

“Thank you, Greengrass!” you called back to her. “I’m quite fond of my hair. You just went up a spot on my list. Davis… you went down.”

“Wait… since when am I on your list!?” Davis asked.

You looked back and stared straight through the annoying pureblood girl you were ignoring to eye the blonde half-blood behind her. “You’re in my house, you’re in my year, you perform well in class, and you don’t annoy me. That warrants you an important spot.”

Beside her, the look of shock in Greengrass’ icy eyes told you that your suspicions had been correct and the Slytherin girls did try to recreate your vaunted list. And it seemed Tracey Davis wasn’t on their original draft.

“Oh, I get it, everyone’s on the list but me,” the girl you were ignoring snarked… incorrectly. You couldn’t imagine your full list including more than twenty names. That meant the vast majority of the witches in the school weren’t on your list. She wasn’t that special.

“You hear something?” you mused aloud then looked over at Bulstrode as you exited the north tower and walked out into the courtyard. Draco and the other boys were already at the other side of it walking at a hurried pace. You’d run away from Pansy Parkinson too if you could but running from her would mean acknowledging her. “Let me guess… they tried to create a written copy of the Vaunted List of Gaunt.”

“...” There was a brief pause before Millicent answered, “Daphne’s idea, actually. They were still working on it in history. Erm… I’m supposed to ask you… who’s at the bottom of your list?”

“Since it’s you asking…” you stalled as you tried to come up with a fitting bottom entry. Not Brown and Patil… you told them they went up a spot in Potions. Maybe a Quidditch player? Ah! You thought of another Gryffindor girl. “Katie Bell.”

“BELL!?” No one snapped, “Bell’s on the list!? You haven’t said two words to that blonde bint!”

“Could’ve sworn I heard something,” you remarked. Was ignoring her petty and childish? Probably. But she insisted you couldn’t and you felt obligated to prove her wrong. “Must’ve been the wind.”

“Well, the wind says ‘You’re a prat!’ you smarmy skirt-chaser!”

“Erm… Bell’s on the list?” Millicent asked on the wind’s behalf.

“By merit of being on the Gryffindor Quidditch team,” you responded. “But since I don’t have to worry about playing Gryffindor until next September and she’s the only one of the six witch Chasers who didn’t score back in November… that leaves her at the very bottom.”

“That means Johnson and Spinnet are on it too!” Tracey realised, “We forgot witches on the Quidditch teams!”

You looked back - once again staring straight through the girl directly behind you - and shook your finger at Davis to chide her. “Shame on you, Davis. I expected better. Down another spot. Now you’re above Brown and Patil. I have no doubt they were working on a similar project after Potions. Perhaps, if you consolidated your information you wouldn’t have made such sloppy mistakes. They wouldn’t have forgotten their Quidditch team’s Chasers.”

“Why is that my fault!?” Davis complained.

Greengrass’s eyes shot open as she started frantically slapping her best friend on the shoulder. “Write that down! Write that down! We just got the bottom four!”

The duo broke off so Tracey could pull their list out of her school bag. You smirked when you glanced back and saw the pureblood girl allowing her half-blood friend to use her back as a flat surface so she could brace the parchment against her and adjust their bottom four entries.

“Er…” Millicent spoke up, “...I’m also supposed to ask… who’s your number four? Based on what happened in Potions today… their theory is… Granger.”

Bollocks. You didn’t want to admit Granger was in your Top Four. Especially not with… what’s-her-name… lurking right behind you. Nor did you want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right.

There was only one thing to do in this situation. Lie. Lie your Slytherin arse off.

“Granger’s not my Number Four, Number One,” you insisted. “Mateo’s currently higher than her and she’s not in the Top Four.”

“SHE IS!?”

“Mateo’s higher than Granger?” Millicent asked.

The first question was lost in the wind but you answered Millicent’s follow-up. “I’m going head-to-head with Mateo tomorrow. She’s one of the best Chasers in the school and if I want to stay as Starting Keeper then I need to do well against her. That’s very important. So a considerable amount of attention and focus is on her. During the match, she might even break into the Top Four. When it’s over… she’ll more than likely drop back down again until next year.”

“Oh, sure, and the fact that she’s black doesn’t play a factor. I bet Johnson’s above Spinnet! You’ve got a clear preference, you–” You stopped in your tracks… the mouthy prejudiced one wasn’t expecting it and walked right into you. “OW!” You weren’t much taller than her but you were built more solid and - thanks to regular Quidditch practice and Flint’s insistence on toughening you up - were starting to put on some muscle so she felt the impact from the collision more than you. She swatted your shoulder. “You clod!”

You started walking again and continued to ignore her. She was one of the biggest blood purists in your years but normally she wasn’t this openly racist. Especially not when Blaise Zabini was around. This brought you to the conclusion that either she was like this behind closed doors and Millicent was frequently subjected to her close-minded world view. Or she was doing it intentionally to get a rise out of you. As seen with her reaction to Katie Bell being at the bottom, she’d likely be critical of anyone with a high ranking on the list so she could verbally tear them down.

But at least they’d taken the bait and focused on Mateo’s high ranking rather than Granger’s ranking.

Daphne and Tracey caught up again as you entered the Flying Courtyard. Greenhouse One loomed ahead.

“Mateo and Granger are five and six,” the wind informed them.

“Granger’s not even Top Five?” Davis questioned.

“Then who is fourth?” Greengrass inquired.

You didn’t answer. Another hundred feet to Herbology.

“Millicent, ask him!” a passing breeze demanded.

“I’m getting tired of this!” Bulstrode objected.

“Where’s your Slytherin spirit!?” Daphne egged her on. “If Brown and Patil have a list too then ours at least needs to be better than theirs! Show some ambition!”

This was followed by Tracey’s quiet complaint, “I’m not sure how anyone can have an accurate list when the order is subject to Gaunt’s random whims.”

She wasn’t wrong. Even you didn’t have one.

“Our list can still be the most accurate,” Greengrass insisted. “This is the biggest bit of gossip going around the school!” IT WAS!? Didn’t you start a Quidditch revolution over breakfast? Hm… then again maybe that was why your rumored list was so juicy? “And we can get ahead of it by having the most complete list!”

So it seemed Greengrass’ tenacious fascination with the list wasn’t a matter of wanting to know who had your attention (like Pansy) but was instead driven by the curious girl’s desire to solve as much of the high profile mystery as possible and have the best answer when compared to everyone else. This was why you mentally placed her in the middle of the list with the girls to wary of... like Yaxley, Applebee, and Macavoy. When the meddling Daphne Greengrass got the whiff of a mystery... she didn’t let it go until her curiosity was sated.

Millicent gave a long-suffering sigh, “Marvolo... who’s your fourth entry?”

Thankfully, while the girls were pressuring your best friend to use her Number One status to grant them more information… you thought of a mer-memorable encounter with a girl - not necessarily a witch - who they’d never guess and would work as an alternate Number Four in a pinch.

You stopped ahead of the door to the greenhouse and turned to Millicent, “Since it’s you asking… and only you asking. I’ll say this: she’s an older girl… you haven’t met her. But I walked in on her topless.” More like naked.

The shout of “YOU SAW SOME TRAMP TOPLESS!?” went ignored.

“For obvious reasons,” you went on, “I’m not going to tell you her name. But she was a good sport about it… and even gave me a nice snog to keep quiet.” You leaned closer to Millicent and cupped your hand over your mouth to stage whisper, “And between you and me, she’s a much better kisser than Parkinson.”

Someone’s squawk of outrage was left behind as you hurried into the greenhouse.

The other five Slytherin boys were at their regular stations. Despite your slow start, you still beat the Ravenclaws to the greenhouse. But you had no idea how far away they were coming from. Professor Sprout wasn’t in the greenhouse either.

“Still alive?” Zabini asked from your usual station with Nott.

“Somehow,” you replied.

The fact that the girls didn’t immediately follow you in told you they were pondering the identity of the mysterious ‘fourth’.

“If you keep going the way you are, Parkinson’s going to hex you,” Malfoy warned you.

“If she’d back off I wouldn’t have to defend myself,” you replied as you went to retrieve your rose bush from the shelf against the greenhouse’s glass wall. Admittedly, you tended to defend yourself offensively where Parkinson was concerned but you wanted to send a clear message that you weren’t going to allow the bitch to browbeat you into submission. She was too used to getting her way so the message was very slow to sink in. “I decided after taking her to task at breakfast that I was going to try and ease off for the day… but then Potions happened and now she won’t let it go.”

After setting your rose bush in your station, you went to grab Millicent’s much bigger and healthier one. The ongoing assignment was meant to demonstrate the effectiveness of magical fertiliser compared to muggle fertiliser. Roses grown the muggle way took six to eight weeks to reach full bloom. Your first year Herbology class planted your rose bushes the first class back at the start of term, with the idea being that they’d be in full bloom four weeks later in time for Valentine’s Day. Half the time. Two and a half weeks later, everyone’s green-filled pots had grown with stems, stalks, small green buds, and even thorns while Daphne and Millicent’s sported large pinkish buds that looked like they were nearly ready to blossom.

You set Millicent’s rosebush beside yours in the hopes that it would motivate your plant to grow better. Theodore and Blaise stared at the largest rose bush at your shared station with similar envy. Despite copying everything Millicent did with hers… the three of you had produced average results that matched the majority of the rest of the class… while Millicent’s methods resulted in the biggest, thickest, healthiest, earliest-budding bush in the entire class. It was a full foot taller than all of yours! Millicent’s bush was even bigger than Daphne’s!

Your face flushed as you ran that last bit back in your head. Bush could refer to pubic hair. Best not to imagine anyone’s bush while in public. You made a mental note to be more conscious of your phrasing so as to not embarrass anyone.

With the roses deposited in your station, you went in search of Professor Sprout. The Herbology professor usually entered the greenhouse through the back entrance so you started your search there and stepped out into what could be referred to as the castle gardens. The spacious courtyard had a stone pathway going through the flourishing magically sustained flower beds and around a fountain in the middle with a half-a-dozen greenhouses around the perimeter.

You assumed Professor Sprout was in one of the greenhouses but had no idea which so you followed the path to the fountain at the center of the courtyard and called out.

“Professor Sprout! I was hoping to ask you something Herbology-related before class!”

“Greenhouse Five, Gaunt!” her voice came from the open door of the greenhouse on your right.

Ah. So the one behind you on the left was Greenhouse Two which meant Greenhouse Three was the one across from it on the right. Greenhouse Four was on the left side of the fountain and then Greenhouse Six and Seven were on the left and right at the far end of the courtyard.

You peered through the open doorway and down the flight of the wooden stairs. Greenhouse Five was down a level with the floor being below ground to compensate for the extra large size of some of the plants. With the extra level, the plant-filled glass room was twice as high as Greenhouse One. You found the Head of Hufflepuff House investigating a green stalk-like plant with thick, tough-looking, leathery leaves and strangely ominous purple blossoms.

But you didn’t make it four steps down when you felt something tug at your ankle.

“GAAH!” You shrieked at the sight of two Devil’s Snare tendrils snaking through the gap between the wooden steps to snake around your ankles. There was a full thicket of Devil Snare’s lurking in the shade beneath the staircase. You fumbled for your wand as it wound its way up your legs “LUMOS!”

The bright beam of light shining from the end of your wand caused the winding plant tendrils to seize and freeze… you wasted no time in yanking your legs free from their grasp and retreated back to the top of the wooden flight of stairs.

“Greenhouse Five is for fifth year students and above,” Professor Sprout stated as she turned around from the plant she’d been eyeing, “All my O.W.L.-level students know to enter with their wands drawn so the Devil’s Snare under the stairs doesn’t snag them.”

A bit of advanced warning would’ve been nice.

“Then I’m thankful we covered Devil’s Snare back in September,” you remarked. “Erm… and if you don’t mind me asking… what’s that plant you’re looking at? I can’t help but feel those purple blossoms are strangely ominous.”

“Funny you should ask,” she replied. “This is Hellebore. Very poisonous. It’s the key ingredient in the Syrup of Hellebore that Professor Snape identified in Bletchley’s pumpkin juice yesterday. Whoever poisoned him cut off a sprig from just over here…” The Herbology professor grabbed one of the nearby stalks with her gloved hand to show you that the top had been cut off. “Sadly, I haven’t been able to find out who. Anyone from fifth year and up could have gotten to it.”

“Then that includes any adults in the castle too,” you imparted.

The silver lining of your fumbling foray into Greenhouse Five was that by failing to identify the main ingredient in Bletchley’s poison… and getting caught off guard by the greenhouse’s defense… you unknowingly proved your innocence to the Hufflepuff Head of House.

Professor Sprout started up the stairs. The thicket of Devil’s Snare underneath the wooden staircase didn’t even try to ensnare her. It knew better than to tangle with the Herbology Professor. It was impressive to see her command such authority over the deadly strangle plant.

“What can I do for you, Gaunt?” she asked when he reached the top of the stairs.

You scrambled to remember why you’d come to find her while idly noting you were actually taller than the short and stout Head of Hufflepuff House. Although, her pointed witch’s hat made up for the height difference. The fountain spraying in the middle of the courtyard restored your memory.

Water.

“Oh! Right!” you said, “So the Quidditch match is tomorrow… and then Hufflepuff and Gryffindor will be taking over the pitch for the rest of February. In Slytherin, we look out into the Black Lake from our dorm room windows and anytime we walk through the common room… I had the idea that maybe I could take up swimming until practice resumes again for the finals so I can get some exercise and stay in shape. Better conditioning might give me the extra edge I need to retain the Starting Keeper position in the spring. It’s not against the school rules to swim in the Black Lake… is it?”

“It’s not expressly forbidden like the forest,” Professor Sprout admitted, “So long as you’re not breaking curfew or missing class to swim. But I’d exercise caution and strongly recommend that you not swim alone. You’re only a first year and I imagine you don’t know many underwater defense spells. The Black Lake can be dangerous. The Giant Squid is fairly harmless and the merpeople keep to themselves down at the bottom… but it’s the grindylows you’ll want to watch out for. They live in the thick clusters of underwater plants and will try to strangle and drown anyone who swims too close to their territory. They’re not very large but they have sharp teeth and -between the tentacles and their deceptively strong little hands - their grip is exceptionally hard to break. Especially when you’re struggling to breathe.”

Thankfully, you had a potential swimming companion. And if the grindylows were such a danger, then a local would know to avoid them.

“I already have a chaperone in mind,” you replied, “I still need to ask her… but I want to be prepared to swim before I approach her about it so I’m not too much of a burden. The reason I sought you out was for help determining my method for swimming in the Black Lake. I saw an older student use the Bubble Head Charm but I heard it’s a N.E.W.T.-level charm far beyond my current level so I set my sights elsewhere. Millicent told me her family uses Gillyweed during the summer holidays to swim in their family marsh. And while I trust her, I thought it best to do some research and consult an expert before eating a strange plant.”

“That’s usually a good rule to live by in the Herbology Greenhouses,” the professor told you. “What do you know about Gillyweed so far?”

“Only what Millicent’s told me,” you admitted, “It transfigures your body to give you gills and allows you to breathe underwater.”

“That’s the main effect,” Professor Sprout agreed but showed why she was a teacher by countering with a question of her own, “Can you think of what one of the minor effects might be?”

“Erm… webbed hands and flippers on your feet?”

“What else?” she pressed you.

“Erm…” That was all Millicent said.

“How’s this: what would happen… if you dove into the lake right now?”

“It’s February in Scotland. I’d free–OH!” you cut yourself off mid-word and glanced around you at the lush green grass, fully blossomed flowers, running water in the fountain, and noted that it didn’t feel cold beneath the Herbology courtyard’s peaked glass roof. “Temperature regulation!”

“There you are,” she praised you, “The most important aspects of Gillyweed are often overlooked. Eating it completely adapts your body for underwater survival. It doesn’t just allow you to breathe underwater; it gives you webbed hands and flippers to improve your swimming, keeps your body at a normal temperature regardless of how cold the water is, and it even adjusts your eyes and reduces your need to blink. Those aspects are why I find Gillyweed superior to the Bubble-Head Charm. One simple plant grants you the effect of multiple advanced spells.”

“The most important factor for me is… can I speak underwater using Gillyweed? Because being able to say the incantation for a spell will be useful if I need to defend myself.”

“You can,” the professor confirmed. “An added effect that comes along with the gills is that you’ll be able to breathe water as though it’s air so you won’t **** on any excess water you take in through your mouth. I imagine that’s how the merpeople communicate.”

You grinned, “That sounds perfect for my needs! How does it work, exactly? I know I’m supposed to eat the root-part of the plant. But how many pieces is the proper dosage? How long does a dose last for? I don’t want it to wear off mid-swim.”

The Herbology professor placed her gloved hand on your shoulder and gently steered you toward Greenhouse One. “The proper dose is three roots and that will grant you all the effects of Gillyweed for an hour. However, there’s a debate among Herbologists regarding its effectiveness in salt water versus fresh water. Gillyweed is grown in salt water native to the Mediterranean while our Black Lake is a freshwater lake. In my own experiments, I’ve found that the fresh water dilutes the effectiveness just enough to shave off a few minutes… which is important if you’re using it to swim. I’d recommend a dose of four roots for freshwater instead of the standard three. It won’t add any extra time beyond the initial hour but the stronger dose will compensate for the freshwater dilution and grant you the full hour. If you need to swim longer than an hour… you’ll need to take a full second dose before the first one ends.”

“Four roots for an hour,” you mentally recapped. “Brilliant. Now I just need to acquire a swim costume. There’s a clothing store in Hogsmeade, right? Do you think they’d have it?”

“Gladrags,” Professor Sprout confirmed, “And yes, they have a collection of athletic wear. They even have things in house colors since they’re so close to the school and Hogwarts students visiting on Hogsmeade weekends are some of their most frequent customers.”

“Then I’ll see if I can find a catalog,” you reasoned.

“‘Find’, huh?” Megan Jones’ Head of House repeated with a small knowing smile, “I’d be careful with how you use that word. One of my ‘Puffs might take it as a challenge.”

“Too late!” you chirped, “She already has! And now I’m curious to see how far she takes it.”

The professor laughed lightly then gave you an extra nudge through the door back into the Greenhouse One. “And Gaunt, five points to Slytherin… for extracurricular learning, for showing extra caution before doing something reckless, for striving to put extra effort into something important to you, and for taking the extra time to tutor one of my Hufflepuffs.”

You blinked in surprise. The last reason seemed like the main one. “Really? I thought I wasn’t going to get those extra credit points until he showed more improvement.”

“That may have originally been the plan,” she admitted, “But I like to reward hard work and good sense. And you’re a Slytherin… which means you’ll no doubt want to earn more.”

She had you there. You had an overachieving Gryffindor to catch. This meant you were only twenty-three points behind her… provided she didn’t earn any points during the afternoon. But there was one very special part of this achievement that you needed to share.

“Thanks, professor!” you replied.

The Ravenclaws arrived while you were talking with Professor Sprout and the Slytherin girls had entered the classroom. You took the long way around to your station and stopped near Draco along the way.

“Draco, if you see Granger at dinner tonight… would you tell her I just completed House Point Bingo. I’ve earned house points from all four Heads of House, the Flying instructor, this year’s Defense professor, and the Headmaster. Even she hasn’t managed that!”

BINGO!

“Gaunt, minus one for gloating!” Professor Sprout called across the room and brought you back down to one hundred six and gave Granger a twenty-four point lead. You should’ve remembered that you were dealing with the Head of the very humble House of Hufflepuff where hard work was praised but boasting wasn’t appreciated. They were a modest and very grounded lot.

You made your way around to your usual station beside Millicent and Professor Sprout soon started class. Since this was your short forty-five minute Friday class instead of the ninety minute double lesson you had Mondays, then your objective for the day was to log your bush’s growth over the week, perform any required maintenance, and then sketch your trimmed rose bush to archive its progress. On Monday, the start of your fourth and final week, you would likely spend the extra class time replacing the Mooncalf dung fertiliser for a final time.

“Get the Gillyweed sorted out?” Millicent asked as you began measuring your respective plants.

“Yes,” you answered, “Learned everything I needed to know. Saves me a trip to the library. But now I need to purchase a swim costume. Let me know if you can find a Gladrags owl-order catalog anywhere.” You side-eyed your best friend. After you played along and ‘answered’ some of the list questions… you felt now would be a fair time to turn things around and see how the ‘opposition’ were faring. “So… what’s the leading Number Four theory?”

You felt the gaze of the three Slytherin girls across from you through two rows of rose bushes.

She sighed, “They think it’s Artemis Fawley.”

You blinked but concentrated on keeping your face neutral. Fawley waved at you from the top of the Ravenclaw tower during lunch… and that was quite literally your only interaction with your rival Keeper from Ravenclaw. Also, Millicent's emphasis on ‘they’ meant she had her own theory.

“What brought them to that conclusion?” Your measured response was laced with an air of fake faux-innocence for the benefit of the eavesdropping audience.

“She’s got something of a reputation for snogging,” Millicent answered, “Large… tracts of land which - based on Farley - you’ve shown yourself to have an eye for and setting eyes on them could be aiding her high standing. And she knew about your list at lunch. Everyone else in your Top Four who Pansy confronted about your list already knew about it.”

HOW DID ARTEMIS FAWLEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIST!!?

“Stay calm. Act natural.” You took a deep breath then asked, “Did something happen at lunch? With the week I’ve had, if there was another public spectacle in the Great Hall revolving around me or something I did or said… I think I should know about it.”

You finished your notes and peeked at Millicent’s page and noted that her rose bush was actually thirteen inches taller than yours.

Millicent took a moment to pluck a small weed that sprouted in her flowerpot underneath her rose bush and you, Theodore, and Blaise followed along and started looking for weeds mixed in your own potted plants.

“It started back in the common room before lunch,” your Number One recounted. “I left you and met up with the others in time to watch Pansy confront Farley when she came back from class. She tried to rub the fact that she wasn’t first in Farley’s face. But she just shrugged and said ‘I’m content with being the silver Slytherin.’ Which was what Granger called you in Potions before you chided her for eavesdropping. So she must’ve overheard it in a conversation between you and Farley. Then Farley went on and said ‘I only need to concern myself with witches in his Top Four.’ She smirked at me then asked, ‘Tell me, Parkinson? Where are you ranked?’ And when Pansy didn’t answer she went for the kill… ‘Sounds like you’re not on his list at all. That means you’re beneath my - and his - notice. Go bother a Hufflepuff. I have more important things to do.’”

Gemma told you about the common room confrontation during lunch but it was… interesting… hearing the other side of it. You remembered her having a go at Megan after the Hufflepuff finder ran off. And that Farley made a point to ask you who your Number Four was. But that was after you told her she’d likely always be in your Top Four when you were eating lunch on the roof. How did she know to taunt Parkinson about your Top Four if you didn’t mention it until after?

“And then when we got to the Great Hall for lunch… we spotted Jones having a chat with Mateo.”

Ah, so they caught Megan delivering your message. You knew she’d gotten it since you saw Mateo, Fawley, and Parkin watching you fly with Gemma.

“Pansy saw red and went right after her,” Millicent continued, “But it turned out, Jones already knew about the list too and said you personally informed her she was very high on it. And said she’s looking forward to all the special benefits her rank affords her.” So were you. “What really got Pansy’s goat was when Perks popped out from behind Jones - she’s so much smaller I’m honestly not sure if she was there the whole time or if she ran over midway through - and she said you even offered her a spot on the list if she could get Jones to tryout for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.”

“I did, yes,” you confirmed.

“That set Pansy off again… and she said ‘You’re not in first! You’re not even second! The best you can ever hope to be is the cheap copper knut.’”

So that’s where she coined the copper knut bit.

“Jones didn’t say anything… but Mateo was offended on her behalf and asked ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ But then Fawley - who was sitting across from Mateo like she normally does - spoke up and answered, ‘Marvolo Gaunt has a list where he ranks witches based on their importance to him and the amount of attention he pays them. Based on that look he gave you at breakfast, Jessica, I’d say you’re high on it too.’” But HOW did she know that!? Your list didn’t exist at breakfast! “Then she smiled at Jones and said, ‘Good for you, Megan. You’ve only known him for a week and you’re in the Top Four. You must have made quite the impression. Although, I personally prefer bronze over copper. But that might be my Ravenclaw bias since it’s one of our house colours.’” Millicent lowered her voice, “Jones smiled and Pansy was looking a little lost… and that’s when Daphne announced ‘We need to create our own copy of the list so we can keep track of who else is on this thing!’ And Pansy used that as an opening to retreat to our table. Mateo and Fawley grabbed Parkin and left the Great Hall shortly after.”

“That could’ve gone worse,” you mused aloud. “At least no one got hexed or poisoned.”

“The only reason I remember the conversation so well is because Daphne and Tracey recounted it while we were outside. Fawley’s comments about making quite an impression, the Top Four, and being ‘high on it too’... combined with her being tipped off like Jones and Farley were… and those other observations about her character… are why they think she’s Number Four.”

“Let me make this perfectly clear…” you told Millicent (and the other three), “And know that this is all I’m saying on the matter. They’re wrong. And under no circumstances should they confront Artemis Fawley. It will not end well for them.”

There was some major conclusion jumping going on here. But you were still thrown by how the two older girls knew about your list when it didn’t exist four hours before Pansy confronted them. Megan Jones was the only one you went out of your way to inform. Gemma was a Slytherin and was used to dealing with Parkinson… she could’ve just been rolling with it and playing along to avoid sounding ignorant. But you had no earthly idea how Artemis Fawley learned about your list. You hadn’t had a full conversation with the Ravenclaw sixth year!

But both Farley and Fawley somehow knew you had a Top Four… BEFORE YOU DID!

Someone could have told her. And you could think of two Gryffindor witches who might have traded the juicy gossip about the list that only existed because of a back-and-forth between you and the before Potions.

“Were Brown and Patil at lunch while this was going on?”

“No,” Millicent answered, “The Ravenclaws were long gone by the time they arrived with Granger in tow. Actually, they passed Jones on their way in and Brown pointed her out to Granger saying, ‘She’s Megan Jones.’”

You knew that Megan left lunch early so she could find you in the broomshed.

“Well, that confirms my theory that they were working on their own list,” you reasoned. “If they were only catching her up… it wouldn’t have taken an hour. They must’ve been picking her brain to fill out their list.”

You couldn’t help imagining Granger reprimanding the other two Gryffindor first year girls, “Why can’t you put this kind of effort into your studies?”

“I don’t know how that conversation out in the corridor after class went,” you admitted. It probably involved Parkinson having a go at Granger and the other two Gryffindor girls in the same manner she had with Farley and Jones - the other two members of your Top Four. “But it’s a pity. If the six of them put aside their differences for an hour they likely would’ve composed a more accurate and more comprehensive list than either group managed separately.”

Of course, the odds of Pansy Parkinson willingly working with Hermione Granger on anything without being strictly **** to by a professor… were slim and none. That’s why you blamed Davis for the failure. The coolest head among them should have been more vocal.

You quietly pondered the mystery of Artemis Fawley for the rest of the lesson. How did she get her information? And who was her informant? Was her ability to gather ‘intelligence’ why she was in Ravenclaw? Would she be mad if rumors started circling about you snogging?

The highlight of the lesson came when one of Millicent’s blossoms came open literally while she was handling it.

“Oh! Oh! OH! There she goes! It’s coming open! Come on, Rosario! You can do it!”

“Rosario?” Blaise repeated.

“Yeah, I named her,” Millicent confirmed as she carefully stroked the thorny stem of her rose bush’s blooming flower.

“Nothing wrong with that,” Professor Sprout said as she came over to supervise, “Sometimes giving a plant a name can deepen your bond with it. I have a Fanged Geranium named Gerald who was given to me by a dear friend when I was a Hogwarts student. All these years later, he’s still alive and healthy.”

After another minute of cajoling by Millicent, Rosario was sporting a fully bloomed pink rose.

“Looks like she’s an early bloomer,” the girl remarked. Roses bloomed in six to eight weeks. Millicent managed it in three. A full week before your class’s estimated goal.

Professor Sprout seemed to deem the feat worthy of a reward, “Bulstrode, five points to Slytherin for having Rosario be the first to bloom. You wouldn’t have managed that in three weeks if you hadn’t taken the time to bond with your plant properly.”

You stepped out of the way and stood near Blaise and Theodore while a handful of other students, Daphne among them, came over to admire the bloomed rose on Millicent’s rose bush.

“How did she do that?” Blaise wondered.

“Heart,” you answered. “Maybe even spirit.”

Your response was two perplexed looks.

“When I was flying with Gemma during lunch today… she told me how the American wizard school Ilvermorny has four houses like ours but they’re based on the four different kinds of magic: mind, body, heart, and spirit. There’s crossover between them but when you’re dealing with wand-based magic… that relies on focus and memorisation… then that’s mind magic. You both do well in Transfiguration which is known for being one of the most difficult wand-based magic so that shows you both have very strong minds. But then if you look at the subjects that aren’t wand-based like Potions or Herbology… that’s an act of labor you’re physically doing… so that’s body magic. But then there’s the crossover to account for. Certain spells get stronger when you channel different emotions into them. Both good and bad. And I think that’s what happened here. The plant… Rosario… was somehow able to sense Millicent’s kind heart and nurturing spirit while she tended to it and it fed off of that.”

The three of you watched as Millicent carefully carried her extra-large potted rose bush over to the shelf by the window so her plant would be in the prime sunny location over the weekend.

You gave a soft shake of your head, “Sorry, chaps… that mysterious extra component we’ve been trying to figure out since last term… is Millicent herself. It’s not something the three of us could copy no matter how hard we try. We have very different spirits.”

You sensed eyes on your back and whirled around to find yourself face-to-face with Padma Patil.

“...” She stared silently at you.

“...” You stared back.

And then she retreated to the Ravenclaw side of the greenhouse.

“That goes to show how different she is from her twin sister,” you mused. Padma, like a handful of other students, likely came over to have a look at Millicent’s early blooming rose. Based on your altercation in Potions that morning, you knew if Parvati was lurking behind you while you were praising Millicent… she definitely would’ve had something to say about it. Unlike her twin, Padma remained quiet to listen in on your Millicent magical theory and then left without causing a vocal confrontation.

The last few minutes of class were spent cleaning up and thoroughly washing your hands.

You made a point to give MIllicent a hearty pat on the back, “Well done, Millie. You know, this means you’ve gotten House Points from all four Heads of House. Five from Professor McGonagall on Halloween, five from Professors Snape and Flitwick back in November, and now you finished the set with five Professor Sprout.”

“Trying not to gloat about it,” Millicent mumbled after you demonstrated how Professor Sprout wasn’t fond of boasting.

“Which is why you’ve earned more points from her than me,” you noted, then hooked your arm through hers and steered her toward the door, “Let us go, Number One.”

“It’s… ‘make it so, Number One.’”

You blinked and looked back to see muggleborn Ravenclaw Kevin Entwhistle behind you.

“Pardon?” you asked.

“The iconic Picard catchphrase… it’s ‘make it so’... not ‘let us go’.”

“Kevin!” Terry Boot rushed up and grabbed his housemate by the arm and practically dragged him past you and out of the greenhouse. “He doesn’t know muggle telly.”

This was the second time in the last hour someone referenced this ‘Picard’ character around you. You might need to surreptitiously look into it.

You were so caught up in puzzling over who ‘Picard’ was as you walked out of the greenhouse that you didn’t see Megan coming until she wrenched you away from Millicent and yanked you down into a headlock.

“Found you again, Gaunt!”

Your school bag slipped off your shoulder and dropped to the ground while you grabbed at her side in a blind attempt to free yourself from the headlock. But as you struggled you suddenly realised something…

HER BOOB WAS SQUASHED AGAINST YOUR FACE!

Granted, there wasn’t much to it. As Gemma noted earlier… Megan Jones was an A-Cup. So it was barely an inch beneath her robes. But that inch-high mound of soft girl-flesh was squashed right up against your cheek.

And suddenly, you were no longer in a hurry to escape the girl’s hold.

“Hello again, Megan,” you greeted her as casually as you could for a boy caught in a headlock.

“Oooh, it’s Megan now, is it?”

“Can’t help but feel like we’ve gotten a lot closer since the last time I saw you,” you stated.

She laughed which caused that soft, squishy part of her that your face was pressed against to lightly rumble. “Cheeky little bugger.”

“But if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you learn my afternoon schedule?”

“Asked the Chief Finder, of course. She said she had you this afternoon that your lot often looked sleepy when they arrived despite the walk across the grounds. That told me all I needed to know. History then Herbology.”

Professor Sprout sold you out!

Then again, it was to one of her Hufflepuffs.

“Gaunt… the Ravenclaws are watching!” Malfoy warned you.

You glanced outward and noted that not only were your nine fellow Slytherins gathered around watching you be accosted but the eight departing Ravenclaws stopped their trek back to the castle and turned around to watch your latest spectacle.

Perhaps that’s why Megan decided to put on a proper show? “Hey, wanna see something Gwen taught me?”

Against your better judgment, you answered, “Eeerrm… yes?” Her foot kicked against your shin and you yelped loudly as she used her hold on your head and shoulders to FLIP YOU! “WHOOA!” You felt her rolling beside you and then suddenly there was a THUD as you slammed down on your bum. You found yourself on the ground in a seated position with the Finder’s arm still wrapped securely around your head and your face still squashed against her boob.

Through your hazy vision, you saw a few Slytherins fumbling for their wands after seeing you get physically assaulted. Crabbe and Goyle, of all people, rushed forward to free you - forgoing their wands entirely.

“I’m okay!” you called out as you kicked your leg to keep your wound-be saviors at bay. “I’m okay. I’m exactly where I want to be.”

“Oh, are you?” the girl who just took you down in front of seventeen witnesses challenged you.

“Yes,” you replied, “And while I have you here… when’s your birthday? Was curious if I just got my arse kicked by a thirteen or fourteen-year-old.”

“Twenty-seventh of October,” she answered. “Fourteen.” So she was two weeks older than Millicent. Both of them were Scorpios. “And don’t try to turn this around! You don’t have me here! I have you here!”

“Speaking of,” you remarked, “How did you get Professor McGonagall to let you out early?” Convincing the ‘nervous and stammering’ Professor Quirrell to let her out sounded relatively simple. Plus, putting on a show by behaving extra-flustered following Megan’s request would help sell his ‘timid’ persona. But getting the strict, no-nonsense Deputy Headmistress to let her leave early sounded much harder.

“Told the truth,” she stated, “I asked if I could be excused a few minutes early because I needed to hurry and get a book to you before you left Herbology and went into hiding again.”

“Book?” you repeated.

Due to your position with your face being mashed against the side of her chest, you both saw and felt her use her free arm to pull a book out of her robes and toss it onto your lap. You recognised it as a book of common medical potions. You used it a few times last term while Professor Snape had you covering and writing essays on medical potions. You didn’t know it covered the monthly potion… but then again you never specifically looked.

“I also have this,” she added as she pulled out a thin, inch-wide glass vial containing a red potion - that somehow survived the flipping takedown - and set that on top of the book in your lap. “After I got the potion from Madam Pomfrey at the Hospital Wing, I made a quick stop in the library on my way to Transfiguration. I enlisted Madam Pince’s help to save time and showed her my potion, said I heard it tasted awful and wanted to know what I was putting in my body. She actually seemed sympathetic and helped me find this.” The sympathy shown by the sharp and standoffish librarian further reinforced the monthly potion’s now infamous foul flavor. “Make sure you return it on time. It’s checked out under my name.”

“Well, you were certainly productive,” you commended her.

“I was,” she confirmed, “And since I found the book you needed… say ‘that counts as two’!”

“That counts as two,” you conceded.

“Thank you,” she replied as she used her free hand to ruffle your hair. “So that’s Jones - four, Gaunt - one, Flint - zero. Ready to give up yet? I’m starting to run away with this thing.”

“Megan! What are you doing!?”

Professor Sprout had been drawn from the greenhouse by the sight of everyone else gathered around you.

“This cheeky bugger had the audacity to say he was a better finder than me,” Jones told her Head of House.

“Ah, then he clearly had it coming,” Professor Sprout remarked with a small amused smile, much to the shock of you, the gathered Slytherins, and the loitering Ravenclaws. “Do you think he’s learned his lesson?”

“I’ll find out,” she said and squeezed her arm around your head, “Say ‘Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.’”

“Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders,” you intoned.

She patted the top of your head with her free hand, “Looks like he did learn something today.” She finally released her headlock and pushed herself up to her feet then extended her hand down to you, “Come on, up you get.”

You took a few seconds to tuck the potion vial into your robes and the book under your arm then grabbed her extended hand and allowed her to pull you to your feet. “And for the record, I’ve learned a lot today. This is just the latest of a long list of things.”

“Well, this is a place of learning,” the Herbology professor stated, “Some lessons come in unconventional ways. Megan, why don’t you step in here with me so we can have a friendly chat about you accosting fellow students.”

“Find me later then?” you asked with a cheery wave.

“Count on it,” Jones replied and followed Professor Sprout into the greenhouse. Parkinson glared daggers after her but knew better than to have a go at the Hufflepuff when her Head of House was nearby.

You brought the book of medical potions over to your school bag and slipped it inside then made a point to straighten your robes and brush your hair back in place. It would do for now but you’d likely need to stop off in a bathroom to smarten yourself up.

It was closing in on three which meant you had another three hours until dinner, after which you had Quidditch practice. You picked up your school bag and made your way over to Millicent. She didn’t look quite as pleased as she did when you were walking out of the greenhouse a moment ago.

“I’ve gotta disappear for a few hours so both she and Flint can’t find me,” you informed your Number One then leaned in to whisper some instructions into her ear. “When Flint shows up for dinner… wait about ten-to-fifteen minutes and come find me in the broom closet in the dungeon corridor leading to the common room. Bring a plate, I’ll be starving.” You pulled back and stepped away, “I’ll see you then!”

You halted your progress when you stopped in front of Crabbe and Goyle, “Thanks for being so quick to defend me but I was never in any danger.”

“How come you didn’t fight back?” Crabbe asked.

“There’s a very good reason for that,” you responded and leaned in to whisper in the shorter, stockier boy’s ear, “Her boob was squashed against my face the whole time.”

Vincent’s eyes went wide and he let out a surprised gasp, “Oooh!”

“Yeah,” you said, “Wasn’t in a hurry to escape.”

You stepped around the rest of the Slytherins and hurried past the Ravenclaws to quickly reach the Clocktower Courtyard. Rather than head back into the castle through the normal route, you deviated from the path and ran across the courtyard to the entrance of the Hospital Wing Tower that you and Madam Hooch carried Neville Longbottom into back in September.

Most people would expect a Slytherin to lurk in the dungeons. That’s where your common room was and where your Head of House’s office was. So you DIDN’T do what was expected and instead ran up the tower stairs and quickly disappeared in the upper floors of the castle.

You weren’t found again for over three hours.

But this time it wasn’t Megan Jones or Marcus Flint… but Millicent Bulstrode who found you sitting in a broom closet at the end of the dungeons, fresh off of changing into your Irish Quidditch uniform… exactly as planned.

Millicent stepped into the four-by-four foot broom closet and sat down opposite you. She had to shift her longer legs to the side so they went past yours. You noted that she brought the requested dinner plate as well as a flask - hopefully, filled with tea - she managed to scrounge up from somewhere.

“So where have you been hiding out?” she inquired.

“Astronomy classroom,” you answered. “It’s unlocked, no one uses it during the day, there’s desks to get work done, and so long as I stayed away from the edges no one could spot me from the other towers. A couple of couples I didn’t know came up to use the place to snog… but I was situated near the stairs and the tower’s so high I had a lot of advanced warning when someone was coming up so I was able to duck into an alcove below the classroom and lay low until they left.”

“And how’d you know when Flint went to dinner?” she questioned further.

You grinned, “Ah, well, when it got close to dinner time, I descended from the tower and hid myself in a bathroom. The boy’s loo across from the girl’s loo where we fought the troll. Then I used my new pipe locator spell to keep an eye on Flint. And then when green pipes going down into the floor shifted to show that he’d moved from the common room to the Great Hall… I slipped down into the common room, grabbed my Quidditch gear, and ran back out. I changed here.” You patted your school bag which now contained your folded school uniform. “Might need you to drop this off at my dorm room.”

Millicent offered you the plate and the flask, “I brought you a fish sandwich and some water.”

“Oh, thanks,” you replied. Water instead of tea was a little disappointing but beggars can’t be choosers. You set the plate down in your lap, plucked up the sandwich, and took a bite. You were still chewing when you noticed her look in the dim dungeon light filtering in under the closet door. “What?”

“Nothing… I just noticed that you developed a sudden taste for seafood.”

You blinked. “What are you implying?”

“You snogged that mermaid! She’s your Number Four!”

Your eyes went wide. You remembered Millicent specifically saying they thought it was Artemis Fawley. Clearly, she formed her own theory based on your description. You used Chell as your fake Number Four because, as a non-human and non-student, she was someone no one would guess.

No one but your Number One.

“She’s an older girl I haven’t met… Fawley’s comment about making quite the impression applies to her too and explains your eagerness to get that Gillyweed and go back and meet her again… you snogged a topless mermaid!”

Suddenly the closet door was yanked open.

“Found you again, Gaunt!” Megan Jones announced as she stood grinning in the open doorway, “Now what’s this about him snogging a topless mermaid?”

“How did…”

She answered your question before you could finish asking it, “You did a pretty good job making yourself scarce this afternoon. But I figured if you would’ve told anyone where to find you… it’d be your Number One… so we followed her from the Great Hall.”

“We?” you repeated.

Jones stepped aside to reveal the much smaller Sally-Anne Perks standing behind her.

“Budge over,” Megan ordered.

You obliged and slid into the corner of the closet which left your school bag wedged between you and the wall. But instead of claiming the vacated space, Megan stepped over Millicent’s legs and sat down beside her across from you. This left Perks to slip into the closet and nervously set herself down in the spot beside you.

The witch across from you gave you a very clear warning look, ‘Be nice to my friend.’

You looked over at the small muggleborn girl seated beside you, “Perks, welcome to the short side of the closet.”

She laughed lightly, “Not a ton of leg room with those two together on the other end.” Perks wiggled her shoes and wedged her legs into the small space between yours and MIllicent’s. You noted that all three girls were wearing the long ankle-length winter uniform skirt. You drew your own legs in and continued to use your lap as a flat space for your dinner plate. Megan crossed her legs at the ankle and wedged them against the wall. Her feet stopped just shy of your school bag. With Megan’s long legs going across the far side of the closet and Millicent’s going across the other side in front of the door, this **** you and Sally-Anne closer together in the four foot wide space until you were practically shoulder-to-shoulder. You could literally feel the tension in the muggleborn girl as she practically squeaked out, “Thank goodness there are no actual brooms in this broom closet.”

“Alright,” Jones resolved, “Now that we’re all cozy and crammed in a closet together…” Even in the dim light of the closet you could make out that familiar dimpled grin on her face which told you that your close proximity to the muggleborn girl was by design. “I’m invoking whatever third place privilege I have that makes you tell us this mermaid story. No slithering your way out of it, snake boy.” She leaned against Millicent who didn’t look entirely pleased about your guests… but she was resigned to their company since Megan was pushing you to answer her earlier query. “One plus three is four. Now you have to tell us more.”

She rhymed at you. Guess there really was no way out of sharing your mermaid encounter.

“Fine,” you conceded, “So it started at breakfast when I fed Blaise Zabini to a fifth year who was bugging me. He has a huge crush on her so it worked out for the best. But when he didn’t turn up for Potions, Professor Snape told me they were last seen at the edge of the Black Lake and sent me to find him. He set a time limit of twenty minutes and threatened to take two House Points for every minute beyond that we were both missing. He made a snarky comment about learning a Locator Spell on my way out of the classroom so with that in mind, combined with my sense of urgency, I decided to ask the school for help at least so I’d know what direction to start looking. The Slytherin common room is in the dungeons and I was standing in a dungeon corridor that had likely been built by Salazar Slytherin himself… so I pressed my wand to the wall and hissed ‘Lead Me Blaise Zabini’ in Parseltongue. And it turns out, Salazar Slytherin designed the school’s plumbing system because the pipe in the wall started glowing emerald green and led me further into the dungeons.” You grinned at Megan, “And that is how I came up with my custom Parseltongue Finder Spell. Turns out, it works above the dungeons too and that’s how I found you in History of Magic. It also helped me avoid Flint.”

“Five-to-one says you don’t need magic to find someone,” the proud Hufflepuff Finder insisted.

“I think it depends on where they are,” you countered, “Because the pipes led me all the way down into the bowels of the school. I had to use Parseltongue to get through a magically locked door with a snake engraved on the handle that I was later told no student knows the actual password to open.” You gave a closed mouth, teeth-baring grin, “I’m reasonably sure you wouldn’t have been able to find them with your methods within the assigned time limit.”

“Where was he then?”

“Oh, no, please, tell her where you went next,” Millicent encouraged you. “Use the same words you used when you told me about it.”

“Erm… well, I opened the door and found a ladder leading down through a hole in the floor. I climbed onto the ladder and, since time was of the essence, hissed ‘down’ in Parseltongue and it shot me all the way down to the bottom. When I say the pipes led me to the bowels of the school… that’s exactly where I ended up… because when I got off the ladder I found myself standing in Hogwarts’ arsehole.”

“Hogwarts’ what!?”

“It was the school’s outtake pipe,” you explained, “Everything that comes out of it drops down into a sewer that pumps it all out into the lake.”

“Eww,” Perks squealed, “So everything from the toilets ends up in the lake? The merpeople must hate you!”

“Not quite,” you corrected, “If they hate us… it’s for different reasons. Covering the mouth of the pipe was this magic circle that looked like it was made from a soap bubble… anything that came out of the pipe, passed through the bubble shield, and came out the other side as clean, purified water. And that is what is pumped into the lake.” You looked over at the muggleborn girl beside you, “If you hear anyone say Salazar Slytherin wanted the school purged of filth… know that a thousand years ago when the school was built… he meant it literally.”

The closet grew quiet. You meant to be encouraging but it might not have come across that way. And in an effort to keep the awkward air brought upon by a mention of blood purity politics, you pressed forward with the story.

“Anyway,” you continued, “After spending an adequate amount of time admiring a plumbing system that was centuries ahead of its time… I realised the outtake pipe coming out of the ceiling was glowing green. I’d gone down a level too far. So I went back up the ladder to the room above it that I practically flew through on the way down. It was lit by these glowing green crystals in the corner of the ceiling that bathed the room in an emerald glow. In the middle of the room was the massive metal pipe big enough for Hagrid to comfortably walk through. It was spelled transparent so I could see the water flowing through it. I think the official opening might be on the other side of the school and the majority of the pipe runs underneath it because that room is actually the end of the pipe. The water sprayed back out into the lake through the far wall.”

Jones tilted her head to the side, “So… it goes in the mouth, runs through the body, and comes out the other end… one level above the arsehole… Hogwarts has a vagina?”

You looked down, “Erm… that’s the point where I decided to stop using the bits metaphor.”

“Wait… is Hogwarts a girl school or a boy school?” Perks asked.

“I think we just confirmed that the school’s a girl,” her housemate stated.

“Well, it was a big metal cylinder,” you pointed out, “At one point after I climbed on top of it I called it Hogwarts’ big hog.”

“Did it stick out of the school?” Megan pressed you.

“Erm… no.”

“Then it’s not a penis, is it?” Were you really arguing about this? “Girls have internal plumbing. Boys have pipes that stick out.”

“Actually, with animals, some of them have parts that retract inside them,” Millicent imparted. Wow. This conversation was still happening.

“And how do you know that?” Jones questioned.

“I have a boy cat,” Bulstrode answered. “When not in use… his parts are tucked up inside him in a little slot.” Sorry, Mittens. “I think it’s the same with pigs too.”

“Okay, fair point,” Megan conceded, “Animal penises retract. But did the pipe look like it could… extend… through the far wall out into the lake?”

“Erm… no,” you admitted, “The end of the clear pipe was sealed flush against the far wall.”

“Then I’m sticking with Hogwarts’ vagina,” Jones resolved.

You were pretty sure it was spelled to be an out hole and not an in hole. But then again, you had no idea which way Chell had gotten in. She swam out through the end. But the mermaid proved she was a strong enough swimmer that she could swim against the outgoing current.

Considering that you planned to climb inside the giant pipe and swim in it while you used Gillyweed to chat with a mermaid… maybe you were better off referring to the pipe as girl bits instead of boy bits?

“Alright,” you conceded, “I guess Hogwarts is a girl school then.”

Megan let out a cheer after successfully arguing her point. “Girls rule, girl school!”

“Midway down the transparent pipe was a second pipe going up into the ceiling,” you went on, “That was the water collection pipe that sucked the water into it and pumped it through the rest of the school. There was another bubble shield ahead of the opening… so rest assured in knowing that any water you drink or bathe in within this school… has been magically purified.” You emphasised your point by taking a long drink of water from the flask Millicent brought you.

“Wasn’t this supposed to be a story about meeting a mermaid?” Perks asked. “Was the lesson in… castle anatomy… really necessary?”

You replaced the cap on your flask, “Yes, it was necessary. I was setting the scene. That’s important because floating on her back in the cross section between the two pipes… was a mermaid.”

“A naked mermaid,” Millicent clarified, “You left that important detail out earlier.”

“Yes, it turns out merpeople don’t wear clothing,” you responded.

“The fish tail being naked makes sense,” Perks piped up, “But she didn’t have a seashell bra?” What kind of mermaid was she imagining?

“Seashells, yes… bra, no,” you answered, “The only thing she actually wore was a rope necklace of sharp shells… but those might be a means of identification because I later learned that her name is Sharp Shell. She dubbed me ‘Snake Fang’ which is why I made this while I was hiding out today…” You reached into the neck of your Irish Quidditch robes and pulled out your new necklace of twelve snake fangs strung together on rolled and braided Dittany leaves from your Potions kit. “And her hair was cut short so her sea chest was just sort of out there.”

“What’d they look like?” Megan asked.

“What?”

“The mermaid’s tits,” she clarified, “What did they look like?”

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Is this a trap?”

“No, I’m genuinely curious what a mermaid’s baps look like,” she insisted. You glanced over at Millicent to see if she thought this was a trap but she seemed to be curious about the interspecies breast comparison too.

You warily provided your best description, “Well… between the fish tail and the fish-like features on her face… her chest was the most human-looking part of her. Her skin was grey… so imagine the breasts on a naked stone statue. Smooth round mounds that stood out about three inches from her slim chest. Her nipples were also grey but a couple shades darker. There wasn’t much around them. They were more round nubs that looked like darker grey pebbles on top of the round stones. But they weren’t actually rock because they shifted and swayed as she swam.” You glanced at Perks, “If she were to wear a seashell bra… I’d estimate it would be 32C.”

“I see,” Megan (the A-Cup) replied as she crossed her arms over her chest while, beside her, Millicent suddenly found her lap extremely interesting. Oh, bollocks. You knew this was a trap. Both first year girls were looking self-conscious after mentally comparing themselves to the mermaid you described. You glanced at the third one… Perks actually seemed unbothered. Perhaps the small, spritely girl was used to others being bigger than her? But your Number One and Number Three were still looking down so you needed to dig your way out of this hole.

“Erm… I don’t know her exact age,” you admitted, “And I couldn’t ask her how old she was because I’m not sure if merpeople use the same calendar as us. Snakes don’t either. But she had a sleek, swimmer’s body and the tapered, curvy figure of a young woman. I’d estimate she’s in her very late teens or early twenties… so she’s more of a mer-woman than a mer-maid.”

Was that helping?

“How’d you go from ogling the mermaid to snogging her?” Jones prompted. She wasn’t smiling and didn’t seem quite as amused anymore.

Great. She was upset.

“Believe it or not, I didn’t notice she was naked until I got closer,” you confessed, “The glowing pipes specifically led me to that room and she was the only one there… so it made sense to ask her if she’d seen Blaise. I’m not gonna lie. When I finally noticed she was topless… I looked. But she had a mouth full of shark teeth and looked very capable of biting my face off so I tried to be respectful about it and avoided outright ogling.” The emphasis on the mermaid’s more monstrous traits seemed to appease your audience a bit. “But the thing is… she was eyeing me just as curiously as I was eyeing her. I didn’t ask her why she wasn’t with the rest of the merpeople but she said she was there all morning. I’m pretty sure I was the first human she’s ever interacted with. From her perspective, her being naked was normal and natural… and I was the barmy one for covering myself up and wearing clothes. I tried to establish communication with her… but despite the pipe being clear like glass it was still thick, solid metal. I thought she couldn’t hear me through the pipe… but it turned out she couldn’t understand English.”

“But you said you spoke with her,” Perks recalled.

“I did,” you replied, “After some trial and error. My next attempt to communicate involved climbing on top of the pipe and opening the hatch. She floated to the surface and stuck her head out of the water but when I spoke to her she looked at me like I was speaking Gobbledegook… in other words… a foreign language. But that’s when I really studied her facial features… she had these big yellow eyes in sunken eye sockets, pronounced cheekbones, slit-like nostrils, and a large mouth filled with pointy shark teeth that took up most of the bottom of her face.”

“Not like the mermaids from the fairy tales,” the muggleborn girl noted.

“No, I suppose not, instead she looked almost reptilian. So… I decided to try speaking to her in Parseltongue. That she could understand.”

“It turns out Parseltongue somehow translates to Mermish,” Millicent recounted.

You nodded, “When she tried to talk back… it came out as a shrieking wail that hurt my ears. So she grabbed my face and dunked my head underwater… then I could understand her. Her grammar was broken and her vocabulary was limited… I’m sure my Parseltongue sounded distorted to her too. But we had a rough understanding of each other’s meaning. We went back and forth with us raising our heads above water so I could speak… and dunking them under so she could speak… and I eventually managed to ask her if she’d seen the two missing students. She volunteered to go look and swam under the school against the current and reported back that, yes, they were swimming through the school under passage. It seems Yaxley decided to take Zabini for a swim.”

“And then you snogged her,” Megan concluded.

“It wasn’t exactly a snog,” you amended, “I was grateful she helped me succeed in my fetch quest so I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. After explaining what a human kiss meant… she lunged out of the water, latched her mouth completely over mine, and nearly sucked my lips off.”

She laughed, “Mermaid gave you more than you could handle, huh?”

“I finally got her to release me by sticking my tongue through the opening made by my puckered lips and ran it over hers. Still wasn’t the worst kiss I’ve ever had.”

“And now he’s already making plans to visit her again,” Millicent added.

“Maybe I’m curious,” you replied with a shrug, “Perks, when you got your Hogwarts letter and learned there was a world of magic hidden away from yours… did you want to learn more about it?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “So… you want to see what life is like under the sea and be part of her world?”

You blinked. “I don’t know what you’re referencing. Is that a muggle fairy tale?”

“It’s from an animated film,” she answered. Ah, you were more familiar with muggle tellyvision than motion pictures. “The Little Mermaid… it came out a little over four years ago.”

“You still put a mermaid on your witch list,” Millicent pointed out.

“Perks, in your muggle fairy tale… what weapon is associated with merpeople?”

“Oh, a trident.”

“And how do you suppose they got that trident?”

“Erm… magic?”

“Two points to Hufflepuff!” you praised her, “And while the merpeople may not have traditional wand-based magic… they’re still magical creatures with magic of their own.”

“Did she sing to you?” Perks asked.

“No. Why?”

“Isn’t singing a part of their magic?” she questioned, “That’s how it is in the fairy tales. Merpeople are like sirens that lure people in with their songs. That version perfectly explains why Eric wants to see Ariel again. He can’t get her beautiful entrancing voice out of his head.”

Megan leaned toward Millicent, “I’m still trying to understand what I’m getting into with him. Does he normally go off on random adventures and come back with a strange girl who wants to snog him?”

“No!” you objected.

“Yes!” Millicent insisted a second later.

Jones grinned at you, “See? That’s why I asked her and not you. You’re biased.”

“Back in September, he followed Farley into her room and she taught him the Knockback Jinx. When he came out, he was sporting the brightest blush you’ve ever seen. From that point on, he was her uncontested favorite and she could do no wrong in his eyes.”

“Oi,” you complained, “I’ve worked hard to maintain that favorite status.”

But it turned out, your best friend was only getting started, “And then at Halloween, it was his idea to go and check on Granger in the bathroom. He slipped in and was chatting all friendly-like until the troll showed up. He and her get along shockingly well when Malfoy and Parkinson aren’t around. You should’ve seen the two of them in Potions this morning. We were all watching and couldn’t be sure if they were fighting or flirting.”

“I don’t flirt with Granger!” you protested.

“See?” Number One said, “Half the time he isn’t even aware he’s doing it.”

Number Three grinned, “I can attest for the other half of the time where he does.”

“Yeah,” Millicent replied, “That was going to be my next one. Last Saturday, he sat at the Hufflepuff table during lunch. And you’d know better than I would what happened there. So yes… meeting and snogging a mermaid… that tracks and doesn’t completely surprise me.”

You let out an unamused grunt. It almost sounded like she was venting. You let her. She had a rough morning and afternoon from being caught between you and Parkinson.

“Oh, and don’t let him wander off into the Forbidden Forest on his own,” she continued, “He might come back with a centaur girlfriend.”

Megan laughed, “A centaur? Does he have a thing for horses?”

No. But maybe Millicent did if she was so quick to offer that as a potential fantasy?

They were both taking the mickey out of you. But at least they’d gotten over the mermaid thing and were in a better mood and seemed to be bonding. Perhaps that was worth being the butt of the joke?

“Wait… are there female centaurs in the forest?” Sally-Anne interjected. “I’ve only heard anyone mention male centaur and that they hate wizards and that’s another reason we shouldn’t venture into the Forbidden Forest.”

Millicent had something to say about that, “If there is a female centaur in the forest anywhere remotely close to your age…. I have no doubt that he’d somehow find her… and snog her before the end of their first encounter.”

“I would not!” you argued. Why was she suddenly so defensive about you snogging people? Thus far you had been snogged but hadn’t initiated and actively snogged anyone.

“Four galleons says you do,” Millicent defiantly wagered.

“Oh, wait, I want in on this too!” Megan insisted. “Make that eight galleon. You pay us each four galleons if it happens… and if it doesn’t we each pay you four.”

“Do you want me to snog a centaur?” you wondered, confused by the sudden shift.

“I still don’t know if there are female centaur in the forest,” Jones replied, “The most likely scenario seems to be that you never encounter one, nothing happens at all, and no one gets paid. But in the rare chance that you do encounter one and whether or not you snog her… getting paid or having to pay the four galleons will confirm that there are some mares in the centaur herd.”

“If you really want to test his charm,” Bulstrode suggested, “We should leave him and Perks alone in here and see what happens.”

“Alright,” Jones agreed and flashed you that dangerous dimpled grin, “I’m game. Let’s find out.”

“Wait? What!?” you and the muggleborn girl beside you sputtered at the same time.

Before you could fully recognise what was happening, both taller girls had exited the closet.

“Seven Minutes in Heaven!” Megan called out, “Have fun!” And then she shut the door.

“That escalated quickly,” you remarked.

“Uh-huh,” Perks agreed as she made use of the freed space to slide away an inch.

At least they were on the same page about something… even if that something was teasing you by leaving you alone in a closet with a muggleborn girl. You glanced over at the girl in question, “Out of sheer morbid curiosity, you don’t feel any overwhelming urge to snog me, do you?”

“No, not really,” she answered. “I wouldn’t do that to Megan. And… I didn’t want to say anything… but I’m sitting close enough to smell that you were eating fish.”

“Sorry,” you quickly apologised and drank some more water.

This was very clearly a test. Jones wanted to see if you could behave yourself when left alone with her muggleborn friend. Sally-Anne was the one Megan brought along when she set out to find you so that meant she was important to her. You normally tried to practice proper manners and behave cordially around most people… Yaxley and Parkinson were a special exception who brought the hostility upon themselves. But you knew if you didn’t treat Perks nicely… then you could kiss Megan Jones goodbye.

Megan was trying her best to get along with Millicent… you felt obligated to do the same.

“Follow-up question,” you proposed. “we’ve got seven minutes but since they’re having us on… do you want to turn it around on them and make them think we did something?”

“Hmm…” she gave a thoughtful hum which showed she didn’t entirely appreciate being ‘sacrificed’ to the Slytherin boy in the broomless broom closet, “How would we do that?”

”I can give you a few bites from the tail end of my sandwich and you can hop into my lap before they open the door… and it’ll look and smell like we were snogging.”

“I’m not sure how seriously they’re taking it…” she admitted, “but to have them ‘catch us’ doing the exact thing they teased us about doing… it might be worth it just to see the shocked expression on their faces.”

You offered her your sandwich and she took it with both hands and bit into the far end you hadn’t touched.

“While we have a moment… maybe you can explain a muggle culture reference I heard,” you suggested. “Do you know who Jean-Luc Picard is? He was mentioned around me by two different people today.”

“Mmm!” she mumbled around a mouthful of fish sandwich and hastily handed it back. Sensing an explanation forthcoming, you turned the sandwich around and took a bite from your end. “He’s from Star Trek: The Next Generation. It’s an American science fiction series set in the future. My older brother watches it. He likes science fiction while I prefer fantasy.” You wondered if her preference influenced her developing magic or if her magic showed itself early and influenced her preference. “Jean-Luc Picard is the captain and commanding officer of a crew of explorers that sail a ship through space using fictional future technology. They explore distant planets and meet the different alien species that live there. Picard is known as a highly intelligent tactician so if you’re being compared to him… consider it a compliment.”

You swallowed a bite of sandwich, “And what’s ‘Make it so, Number One’?”

“‘Make it so’ is Picard’s catchphrase,” the muggleborn girl explained, “When the crew are faced with a situation and one of the crew suggests a course of action… Picard will grant his ascent to carry it out by saying ‘make it so.’ ‘Number One’ is what Picard calls his first officer and second-in-command… Commander William Riker. Since they’re often on the bridge together… Riker is the most frequent person Picard says to ‘make it so’.”

“Ah, I see,” you reflected, “I’ve been referring to Millicent as Number One since the list got out and said ‘Let us go, Number One’ a couple of times. I reckon Tracey Davis and Kevin Entwhistle thought it sounded similar to Picard’s catchphrase.”

”To pull that off… you’d have to shave your head and Millicent would need to grow a beard.”

“I heard that Picard was bald,” you recounted, “Tracey lost a spot on the list for implying that I should shave my head and Daphne gained one for defending my hair.”

“Wasn’t Salazar Slytherin bald? I thought I saw a picture of him somewhere.”

“Do you want me to be like Salazar Slytherin?”

“Erm… best not,” she declined. “And Megan says she likes your hair. You put extra effort into keeping it neat and clean so she enjoys ruffling it.”

You shook your head. “Did she tell you how she grabbed me in a headlock and flipped me in front of seventeen witnesses?”

“Mmhmm. We took turns carrying her bag from class-to-class and back to the common room so she was free to find you. It sounds like you’ve been a good sport about her harassing you.”

“Harassment implies its unwanted behavior,” you corrected her, “You were there. I very clearly brought this upon myself. I’ve found the whole experience to be highly amusing.”

“Did you make any progress with that book and potion?” she inquired. Megan really did tell her friends everything.

“I read through the recipe and I have some theories,” you answered, “But it requires further investigation and more research which I can’t do until I have proper access to the library.”

“Is hiding and avoiding public areas the best plan to deal with Flint?”

“I know he’s cross with me,” you acknowledged, “But I’ve nearly succeeded. When I find him on the pitch during practice… it will be on my terms and I’ll at least have some control in the situation where I’d otherwise be at a major disadvantage. There’ll be witnesses and I’ll have a fancy broomstick to wield a staff to warn him off. But if he jumps me somewhere and catches me off guard… then I’m at a total disadvantage and he has full control. That could lead to him venting his pent-up frustrations on me in a very negative way.”

“Playing for the Slytherin team sounds dangerous,” she remarked.

“Yes,” you agreed, “But it’s either play for the savage Captain Flint… or not play at all. And if I want to improve the team and make being on it something to be proud of again… then I need to stick it out and survive Flint’s tyrannical tenure as Captain. But, as I haven’t even played my first match yet, I’ve still got a ways to go.”

She glanced at the door. You noted that it was quiet out in the dungeon corridor. “Do you think they’re going to keep us in here for the full seven minutes?”

“They might open it early,” you reasoned and quickly finished off the last of your dinner sandwich. You washed it down with some more water. “Ready to go?”

The pint-sized pixie shifted over and sat sideways across your lap so she was facing the door. She was small and light. You reached your arm behind her back to brace her.

And then you waited.

She turned to stare at you. Even in the dim light of the closet, she was close enough to tell that she had blue eyes.

Because your arm was around the small of the small girl’s back you could quite literally feel the tension in her. “Relax,” you reassured her while maintaining careful eye contact. “I’m not gonna do anything to you. Make yourself comfortable.”

She blinked then shrugged and began pulling her arms out of her robe sleeves.

“What are you doing?” you wondered.

“You said ‘make yourself comfortable’,” she reminded you as she shifted herself up off your lap so she could tug her robes off and toss the mostly black garment aside. “If I’m being honest… I don’t care for uniforms. They’re stuffy and stifling.”

You were suddenly concerned. Did you cause this? Or was this her? Girls normally didn’t just start taking their clothes off around boys they barely knew. You hadn’t felt the normal magic behind your eyes of a compulsion but it wasn’t lost on you that this sudden shift took place after a bout of fairly intimate eye contact. The alarm bell got louder as she crossed her arms over her belly and pulled up her Hogwarts jumper.

“Erm… is this normal for you?”

She nodded before she pulled the jumper over her head. “Could you pull my hair through the neck hole, please? I don’t want it to get tangled.”

You tentatively grabbed the girl’s long braided brown ponytail and fed it through the top of her jumper as she pulled it off. This left her in her white button-up blouse, her Hufflepuff tie, her long skirt, and her white stocking-clad feet.

Wait… when did she take her shoes off?

“Are you… feeling okay?” you carefully broached the subject of Sally-Anne’s sudden stripping.

“Much better now,” she confirmed as she loosened her black and yellow tie so the knot hung down by her chest. “First thing I do when I return to the dorms after supper is change into my pajamas. The Hufflepuff common room is meant to be warm, comfortable, and inviting. By this point, everyone’s used to me padding around in my pajamas and my collection of fuzzy colorful socks. I’d wear that all weekend if I could.”

Suddenly, you were the one who was tense as she began unbuttoning her blouse. She undid the collar button… then the next one… and the next one… and the next one…

“I think that’s enough!” you interjected and felt heat rush to your face at the sight of her bare neck and collarbone. You grabbed her hands to stop them midway down her chest.

She grinned at you and chirped, “Made you blush!”

Your eyes narrowed, “What is this… a game of chicken?”

“Maybe?” she teased you with a small amused smile. What was with girls seemingly deciding you were now teasable today? “Does this mean you give up? Because I can undo my skirt next.”

“Yes! I give up!” you conceded. Megan and Millicent coming back in to find a half-naked Sally-Anne in your lap would be a very bad look. This already looked very suspect.

But then you both looked down at your hands… which were still on her hands… which were still on the small swell of her chest. You suddenly realised from a glance in the half-undone neck of her blouse and the lack of lumps signifying straps on her shoulders… that she wasn’t wearing a bra under her white blouse.

“Did you stare this hard at the mermaid? Because I might need to tell Megan that you define ‘ogling’ differently than most people.”

“Sorry,” you hastily apologised and averted your eyes. “I erm… you don’t wear a bra?”

“Way too uncomfortable,” she insisted, “The main benefit of being my size is that I don’t really need one.” At least she was owning her short stature. Good for her. You felt her shrug and couldn’t help stealing another peek. Without her jumper or robes or even a bra obscuring them… you were able to deduce that she - like Megan - was an A-Cup. However, a one-inch A-Cup on a four foot nine, barely ninety pound pixie like Sally-Anne Perks somehow seemed proportionally larger on her compared to her nearly foot taller fourteen-year-old Hufflepuff housemate who flipped you on your arse earlier.

The ends of Perks’ mouth quirked into a small smirk when she caught you looking, “I call them… little perkies.”

“Hah!” you couldn’t hold back the snort of laughter.

“At least you have a sense of humor,” she mused, “You’re not gonna last long with Megan if you can’t appreciate a good pun.”

You felt her finally relax against you as she leaned the side of her chest against yours. “Any chance a spot on the list opened up for the girl on your lap?”

“So you’ve decided you want the spot?”

She shrugged, “Hannah warned me to never allow myself to be alone in a room with you. But you’re not so bad. Megan seems to think you’re quite the find… and that counts for something.”

“Well, I hate to burst your bubble,” you replied, “But I gave you very specific terms to grant you admittance. There were seven witnesses and even more people know about it after the altercation at lunch where you publicly announced that I offered you a spot. I’ve already been accused of being horribly inconsistent and basing this list on random whims…” By Tracey. “…if there’s no structure or consistency… what’s the point?”

She pouted cutely.

“However…” you amended as you felt a strange twisting in your chest, “Other contributing factors could influence your standing when you finally make your Vaunted Gaunted debut. Instead of starting at the bottom like Brown and Patil… you’d be thrown into the middle. Around Daphne Greengrass level. Close to the girls like Yaxley who aren’t necessarily an ongoing threat but who I need to show a healthy degree of caution around.”

“Oh, are you scared of me?”

“You climbed into my lap and started taking your clothes off!” you retorted, “I think a healthy dose of caution is required!” If that’s how she made herself comfortable… then perhaps you needed to pay closer attention to her. “By the way, if you don’t like the uniform… might I be so bold as to suggest… casual robes.”

“My housemates have mentioned them,” the pajama-loving muggleborn girl admitted, “But I don’t know what they are. When I went to Madam Malkins’ at Diagon Alley over the summer it was strictly for school robes and the uniform.”

“Imagine something much less elaborate than what the Headmaster wears,” you offered, “Casual robes are light and breezy… but, as with the Quidditch uniform I’m currently wearing, they can have charms woven into the fabric to provide extra warmth during the cold months. They’re comfortable like a quality bathrobe, but if you get the right set, you can also wear them out and about as daywear and still look fashionable.”

“Is that allowed?”

“You’re required to wear the uniform in class and at feasts,” you said, “But over the weekend… I think you’re allowed to wear whatever you like. Take a look at what some students wear to the Quidditch match tomorrow. The dress code is a lot more relaxed outside of school hours.”

“Maybe I can have a look over the summer,” she resolved.

You continued to advise her, “If being comfortable in your clothing means that much to you… you don’t necessarily have to wait that long. There’s a reputable clothing store in Hogsmeade called Gladrags. Your Head of House vouched for it to me earlier today. Ask one of your older housemates who go to the village on Hogsmeade weekends… they might have an owl-order form. Admittedly, shopping for clothing in-shore is better than ordering from a catalog because you can get your robes tailor-made to fit you… but you should be able to get a good look at the styles and cuts of casual robes they carry and see if there’s a set that speaks to you.”

“Are they… expensive?” she asked pensively, “I don’t have a ton of galleons to my name.”

Justin Finch-Fletchley seemed well-off since he was down for that prestigious private school Eton. You weren’t sure how much muggle dentists made but Granger was able to buy a large assortment of extra books for additional reading. You weren’t sure how well-off Kevin Entwhistle or Dean Thomas’ family were but perhaps the Perks family was on the lower end of the earnings spectrum for your year’s muggleborn students.

You knew Terry Boot was attending Hogwarts as this year’s recipient of the Mother Goose’s orphan scholarship. A scholarship YOU would have had to compete against him for if it weren’t for Lucius Malfoy’s charitable donation to the War Orphan Fund.

Thankfully, Sally-Anne had a pack of loyal and (over) protective housemates to fall back on.

“Ask your Hufflepuff yearmates,” you suggested, “If you wear your pajamas around the common room as much as you claim… then they’ll all know how much comfortable clothing means to you. If they can all put in a galleon, I think you could get a decent set of casual robes for eight galleons.”

“Eight galleons?” she repeated as a smile spread across her face, “Now who would that eighth galleon come from?”

“As the one who set you on this path of fashionable comfort… I feel obligated to chip in,” you replied. “And I’m looking to purchase some swimwear from Gladrags. So if you can get your hands on a catalog and find a set of casual robes you like… pass it off to me and I’ll chip in the final galleon and send the order form off with my owl. I’ll save you from paying the order fee so you can spend all your money on the robes you want. Since Hogsmeade is so close to Hogwarts… you’ll have your purchase by the end of the day.”

“I might do that,” she decided and wiggled in your lap as she really relaxed and made herself comfortable.

“Can I ask you something… as a Megan-expert?” you requested. She nodded. “Do you think she’s mad about the mermaid thing?”

“I could tell she was a little miffed at the start,” Perks admitted, “But you explained yourself and it made for an entertaining story which showcased your… open mindedness. You’ve known each other for a week… you’re not dating… you didn’t really owe her an explanation… but you were honest and you told her about it the day it happened. That’s the key: keep being honest. You can’t have a relationship if you don’t trust each other. You’re working against the scheming, lying Slytherin stereotype… but if you keep being open with her about your actions and your intent… and prove you’re loyal… she’ll write off the repeated warnings from others…” You guessed Hannah. “...and she’ll trust you more. Trust is a big thing with Hufflepuffs. We want to know in our hearts what you’ve been telling us is the truth. Because lying to someone from a house built on loyalty is a big problem. You’re better off having her be mad at you for telling the truth… then trying to hide it. If you start dating, and she found out a month from now that you’ve been having secret meetings with a naked mermaid…” She smirked, “Or a centaur… and that you hid it like a dirty affair… then she would’ve been really mad. The fact that you hid it would show that you knew it was wrong. And then you’d see the real Welsh dragon.”

“Then is this fake snogging thing a good idea?”

“Oh, this is all in good fun,” she reassured you, “We’ll come clean once we finish taking the mickey out of our two friends. And if we’re still being honest, you conspiring with me and letting me sit in your lap like this will earn you points once she calms down.” She patted your chest, “Thank you for being the nicest pureblood boy I’ve ever been left alone in a broom closet with.”

“I’m the only pureblood boy you’ve been left alone in a closet with, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” she confessed with a small smile. “But that doesn’t make the feat any less noteworthy.” Perks turned and pecked you on the cheek. “You’re sweet.”

Suddenly, there was a shout from out in the corridor, and the door was yanked open.

You and Perks both froze and stared in shock at the sixth year standing in the doorway.

You’d been caught with a partially undressed muggleborn girl perched on your lap in a position that was specifically designed to make it look like you’d been snogging.

Busted.

---

Marvolo Gaunt House Point Ledger

Pomona Sprout: +5

Pomona Sprout: -1

New Total: +106

Points awarded by: SS, RH, QQ, MM, FF, PS, + AD (Bingo!)