Log Entry #114

Log entry #114

"I can't stop thinking about cock.”

"I literally can't. Even when I close my eyes, all I see is big, thick, cum dripping cocks, just pulsing right before my eyes... it's maddening. Worse even is that I'm hungry—not for food, but in a surreal, primal way. I feel like I need something. I haven't been able to satisfy this hunger at all. Let me tell you, I have tried. I must have put on at least 10 kg since my last log entry. I don't even enjoy the food anymore, but the need for something inside me is ever present and tangibly urgent.”

"The unending arousal might be what breaks me first,” my mind is pelted with a barrage of vivid images. A camera roll of dicks. I gulp and shake my head letting it pass.

“I have been trying to relieve myself when ever possible, almost nonstop it seems. The shame is palpable, but it seems another effect of the virus is the inability to find relief making my shame an insufficient deterrent.” I recall the multitude of bullshit excuses over the last several weeks I used to leave the lab so I could pleasure myself in a toilet stall. I turn a light pink in the cheeks, then continue.

“The moment I try to resist and bottle up my craving, the impulse just erupts again. Like a conservation law the energy I put into pushing all this down just makes it bounce up equally high. I mull over that statement. “No. Its worse, I think resistance only makes the next failure in willpower more damning and more shame inducing.” Have my coworkers noticed me yet? Is hiding pointless?

"I am a professional scientist and a trained officer. My duty is to understand and contain this, not succumb to it. But the constant heat in my chest and throbbing horniness, the unrelenting need... it's tearing me apart. Every time I think I can regain control; the virus pushes me back into this abyss of desire. The fear of what this sickness is doing to me is almost as overpowering as the urges themselves.” Yet, why… why do I want so desperately to give in?

"This constant cycle is exhausting, and I can't focus on anything else. I need relief, and I need it soon." Before they notice. Before it's too late.

I pause, taking a deep breath, feeling the weight of my situation pressing down on me. "Signing off."

With a sigh, I turn off the computer, my mind still racing with the relentless urges that have taken hold of me, torn between my fear of the virus and the overwhelming compulsion to give in to its demands. I spend the night repeatedly cumming onto my chest and hardly sleep.