P03E08

By the end of the afternoon my appetite really played up. I ignored it for a while, extending the fuck for as long as I could, but around six my stomach really protested. I vacated her pussy and found Marcy in the kitchen. She told me Howard had gone out. Being the man in the house now, I allowed both girls to have dinner with me. It was an unusual event to have a mixed dinner, men and girls just sitting together at a table; and even now, it wasn’t a completely vanilla event. A dildo was mounted in the seat of Marcy’s chair, and as she was seated, it slid into her. It would fill her up throughout the meal. Heather was left vacant; nothing but my cock would enter her this week.

I asked: “So where did Howard go?”

Marcy shrugged: “I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t have a habit of telling me. He left right after lunch.”

“Ah… so that ‘attention for Marcy’ thing was just a bit of bullshit?”

She shrugged again: “I dunno. His attention shows in many different ways. Neglecting me sometimes is attention too.”

“How is that even possible?”

She cast a pensive glance at me, then said: “Yeah, I suppose that is hard to understand. It has something to do with humiliation, and also something with power projection. It is a very conscious thing for him, you know, he is neglecting me with a very clear purpose and an attentive mind. He wants me to feel my irrelevance, but he is doing that so carefully and intentfully, that it makes me feel like the most relevant girl in the world. When I spend my long hours waiting for him, I know it is not because he is busy or he has forgotten about me, he leaves me waiting because he wants to create that feeling in me, the feeling of longing, the fear that nothing will happen, and the hope that it will. It confronts my mind very much with the feeling that he controls me, that he can choose to leave me in my boredom for as long as he wants, that there is no way I can break it myself, that I am completely dependent on him. And you understand what that feeling does to me by now, right?”

“It turns you on. “

“Absolutely. When it is his conscious choice to neglect me, a warm glow envelopes me. I feel tranquil and relaxed. Anxiety only feeds on uncertainty, and that is what I am, but it is only at the surface. It is the uncertainty he creates for me. Within, I know that he owns me as well as that he loves me very much. And that doesn’t feel uncertain at all, it makes me feel like the most precious gem in the world. ”

“Yes, I suppose I can see the power of that. “

She took another bite, chewed it and swallowed, before she continued: “He creates cruelty for me as well, you know? “

“He doesn’t seem to be a cruel man?”

“But he is. He may tell me there is an event ahead, something he knows I enjoy very much. It may just be a visit to the sauna, or a simple trip downtown to the shopping mall. He makes me excited about it, telling me how good and nice it will be, and all the nice stuff we will buy in that mall. He makes me wait for it, in joyful anticipation. And then, after I have waited for many hours or even days, he comes to me and tells me the event won’t happen. And when I balk at that, he tells me, I shouldn’t complain, that he gave me that joyful anticipation, and that should be enough for me. I am just a ****, and I should be happy with whatever I get.

“And when he tells me that, it is the quintessence of being inferior and humiliated. His plain cruelty is merely an expression of **** power over me. He doesn’t need to please me to keep me, he doesn’t even need to keep me happy. He could **** me, he could breed me, he could milk me, and I would still be his, because I wouldn’t want to be anything else. I’m just very lucky that those subjects don’t interest him very much. “

“How is that even possible? All of society tells us we should please our women to keep them! “

“There are many legends and lies being told about women these days. But there are so many ways to please us. And joy is felt more intense when it is rare. Do you want to know how he is pleasing me? “

I nodded.

“Well, that trick I just told you about only works a few times. After a while, I didn’t expect the event to happen at all anymore. I understood the way he played me. I wasn’t so happily anticipating anymore, I knew there would not be a prize at the end. The waiting still felt very subservient, but the element of looking forward to something was withering. My mind swung the wrong way, the experience was becoming negative. I doubted, I was angry and disappointed in him. If I didn’t really have rebellious thoughts about him, they were certainly spiteful.

“I never told him about that, but somehow he knew it anyway. One day he just said he would take me to Kervail. He had told me about it, but I had never been able to tell if it was real or just another fairy tale, fantasized for better controlling my path into submission. He told me he would take me there, but that I would spend 24 hours in the cage first.

“The cage was very real, a rough construction of metal bars in the basement with only limited movement options. I had spent time in there before, but never so long. It was damp, creepy, uncomfortable, and completely devoid of visual or audio stimuli. The only way the boredom and discomfort could be slightly reduced would be masturbating, but that was usually not allowed.

“Anyway. So he locked me in there and left me alone with my thoughts. And thoughts I had. It would probably not happen. I doubted him, my mind was disloyal to him. He was just an asshole, playing these cruel games with me. And it was enough, I didn’t want to be taken any further down. I should fight him. I should leave him. All this was too much, the sex wasn’t enough anymore, I should somehow make it stop. It didn’t satisfy me anymore. My time with him had come to an end, and I should leave him and return to the world outside.

“When he collected me, many hours later, I started to vent all of that, but he just shushed me. His power returned immediately, and I followed him despite my inner rebellion. Then he put me in the car and drove me to Kervail, and there he gave me the wildest experience of my whole life. Still submerged in my anger, my doubts, my fear, I was subjected to the hardest kind of ruthless rapture. I raged and protested when I was just supposed to allow strangers to enter all of my holes. I was furious, how could he give me over to these men in the depth of my doubts? I struggled and screamed, but a dozen men can easily keep a girl in the position they want.

“The resentment didn’t last long. When they started banging me, the physics of my sex triggered. All that fear and doubt got covered with a layer of arousal. And somehow it turned them around. The fear and doubts were still there, but they only served to emphasize my vulnerability, my weakness, my dependence. And those have always been good feelings to me. The hornification served as a catalyst, pushing me deeper and deeper down in my inferiority. And it satisfied me. The depravity of all those guys, fucking me, teasing me, hurting me, using me in whatever way they wanted, without even caring at all for this pleasurable fuck toy they had been provided with, it sparked a deep desire in me to actually be that fuck toy. The sheer humiliation of it rushed in waves of heat to my pussy, driving me into levels of hornification I couldn’t have guessed existed. They slapped my face, and told me my only usefulness in this world was having three holes; and I agreed with them. This was my destiny, this was my fulfillment, riding the sea of lust boundlessly. I dwelled in a land of raunchy nihilism. They discussed me, they ogled me, they made jokes at my expense, they cast votes on positions I should be taken in. I was not a person for them, just an object to unleash their lust on. And I marveled in the feeling of being just that. I didn’t want to talk to these guys either, I just wanted them to push me down into my primal self, and take me like a woman in the way a woman should be taken. Howard had put me under strict denial, and having to struggle back against the enormous desire for release required Herculean resolve and strength, while they shot all their loads deep into me. I held out for almost two hours before I lost that fight anyway, and came illegally. The men cheered when I did; it paved the way for an intermittent punishment session. It was the first time I got the cane, and there were a dozen hands handling it. Red bolts of sharp pain exploded in my ass, as the men exulted and laughed watching my ordeal. I wept bitter tears, and I kept doing that when they swapped cane for cock again, a bit later. “

She looked me straight in the eye when she continued: “And you know, when I tell it to you like that, use those words, it all sounds horrible and evil and nightmarish… but it wasn’t like that at all. It was more like… righteous, natural, obvious. They had dredged up the real woman in me, who had been submerged deep within for all her life, and now was given the room to experience herself, to drench herself in all those forbidden delights which had been suppressed for so long. I cried bitter tears, and I was on the top of my happiness at the same time. I had finally come home. And I was so grateful to Howard for giving it to me. I could never have come there on my own, he was the only one who could guide me to my destiny and fulfillment. I felt so embarrassed when I remembered my anger, my ridiculous decision to leave him, just a few hours ago. This was the only master I wished to serve, and serving him was my destiny. When he drove me home, so many hours later, all the doubt and rebellion had gone, and I just felt a deep and tender love for him. “

“You mean you were happy?”

She nodded: “Yes. After all, what is happiness? To me? It is the feeling that his power is growing, and that my resistance is overcome. “