She thought she did, but...

"I... Of course I loved Adam!" Lilith spat, letting go of Kyle as the man gasped and Lucy helped him up. "I was his wife! I was made for him. Literally, I may add!"

"Sure, you were his wife, but were you his wife?" Satie asked sternly, narrowing her eyes.

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Lilith snapped. At Satie's glare, The Mother of Demons let out a groan. "Alright! So maybe I slept around a few times and hardly scratched any itches Adam had -"

"'A few times'? 'Hardly'?!"

"Okay! So maybe I slept around all the time and never scratched any itches Adam had." Lilith said, "That doesn't mean that we weren't soulmates!"

"You didn't even care to learn the first thing about him after you were made!"

"Bull!"

"Oh yeah?" Satie challenged, standing on her toes to get into Lilith's face as she pushed up her glasses. "What were Adam's favorite animals in The Garden?"

"... What?"

"If you truly loved him and knew so much about him, then you should clearly know the correct answer to that question."

"Fine! He liked the bonobos. Now just butt out of -"

"WRONG!" Satie yelled, jabbing her finger into Lilith's chest. "His favorites were the swans, albatrosses, penguins, puffins, coyotes, oldfield mice, and seahorses. And do you know what all those animals have in common? They mate for life!"

"... And your point is?"

Satie snarled as her fists shook. "I absolutely refuse to believe that you don't understand what I'm getting at. It wasn't that you never screwed him; it was that you were never there for him!"

"Oh for the - "

"NO!" Satie roared, actually startling everyone else as a small blast of flame shot out of her fists onto the pavement. Glaring at Lilith, she said, "Y'know something, Bitch? I'm gonna tell you something that I should have said millions of years ago!"

"I -"

"You are mean! You are cruel! You are heartless! You are selfish! You are inconsiderate! If there was ever a guide on how to be a good wife and/or girlfriend, you'd be the perfect model for how NOT to be one!" Satie snapped, pushing the taller and stronger demoness back a bit. "I mean, forget that Adam left you for someone who actually loved him enough to treat him like he was a person rather than an accessory, you know you're below pond scum when you get written out of The Bible! Hell! At least Lucy, Bee, and I get lumped together as the exact same person for some reason, and Levi is reduced to being a fish that swallows a man who didn't want to go to Nineveh. Half of humanity doesn't even know who you are!"

"Why you little -"

"I'M NOT DONE!" Satie screeched, her voice becoming slightly more demonic as Buddy and Hailey cowered, Kyle gulped, Lucy flinched, and Lilith did all three. Clearing her throat, Satie continued. "You claim that you loved Adam and Lucy, but you didn't! You loved the idea of being with them so much that you ironically ended up pushing them away by not tending to their needs, focusing only on your own, and treated them they were your personal playthings! You never loved them! You never loved anyone or anything but yourself!"

"That is -"

"Actually try to think for a second here!" Satie yelled, "Think about the time Adam was frightened by the first thunderstorm in Eden. You told him to, and I quote, 'Stop sniveling and grow a pair, you whimp'. When Adam fell into that patch of poison sumac, what did you do? You didn't even try to help him in those two weeks of ****! You were half way across the garden with a pack of hyenas because you didn't want to come into contact with it and you found the rash disgusting!"

Lilith remained quiet.

"And that isn't even getting into what you did with Lucy!" Satie growled, "All Lucy ever wanted was love and affection! All you ever gave her was isolation from her friends, and complete disregard for her wants and needs! In fact, I still remember when -" Satie stopped, almost as if realizing what she was about to say was something she wasn't supposed to.

"You still remember what?" Lilith asked.

---

"Steady. Steady..." Cupid said to herself as she took aim at Roxie's ass, pulling back on the bow as she stood a few yards away from the bickering hunters. A crinkling sound gave her pause as she looked down at her uniform: A white, plastic adult diaper with little pink hearts around her waist and a bright pink sash over her chest and D cup breasts.

"Dear Jupiter. I miss doing this naked; way less embarrassing!" Cupid muttered as sighed and blushed, taking aim again. "Stupid mortal censorship..."

"... And furthermore," Roxie continued as she jabbed a finger into Grant's chest, "I have had it with you leering at me!"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself!" Grant fired back, pushing her hand away. "The last time I saw a body like yours, it was in a horror movie. And not the lead victim!"

"Oh that does it! I'm going to - YEEEOW!" Roxie yelled in pain as she jumped up, her hands grabbing her ass before the naked huntress lost her balance and crashed to the ground on her back. "Something bit me!"

Grant laughed at the comical display... Before looking up in confusion as he caught a glimpse of a half-naked brunette woman in a diaper ducking into the foliage behind Roxie. "Uh... Did you just see that or have I officially gone crazy?"

"I don't know!" Roxie snapped in annoyance as she got to her feet, dusting herself off. "All I know is that I..."

She looked up at Grant and trailed off, her eyes widening as she felt her heart beat faster and her palms begin to sweat. Her cheeks flushed as she stared as the moonlight bathed the naked, severely skunked man as her breath got caught in her throat. And, it may have been her imagination, but she was almost certain that she heard The Carpenters' Close To You playing from somewhere...

"I never noticed before just how handsome you look in the moonlight."

Grant looked at Roxie in disbelief and arched an eyebrow. "What?" He asked flatly.

"I... I don't know why I said that!" Roxie exclaimed, burning red. However, looking Grant up and down again, she smiled genuinely as she sashayed closer and stood with her face a few inches away from his. "But it's true, Handsome."

"... Okay, I am officially creeped out now." Grant said as he backed up slowly. He paused for a second as he caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of the diapered brunette woman again...

Aiming a bow and arrow right at him!

Grant yelped as he dodged the shot, the arrow lodging itself into the ground. The woman fired off another shot and Grant dodged it, the arrow soaring past him and down the road.

"Dear Jupiter! Hades was an easier target. And he was in the freaking underworld at the time!" Cupid growled under her breath as Psyche slowly approached her, the former noticing the latter. "Oh, Mother give me strength..."

"Why the hell is that diapered freak shooting at us?!" Grant asked in disbelief.

"Sweetie, what's -"

"Roxie! Look out!"

*PLUNK!*

Roxie grunted as she felt a small sting in her ass cheek again. Grant gasped as he looked the woman over, only to let out a confused noise. "What? But I just saw that arrow hit you in the ass! Where did it -" Grant stopped as he looked at the wide eyed and goofy expression that Roxie was giving him. "Um... Roxie?"

"Cupid, Sweetheart?" Psyche asked as placed a hand on her wife's shoulder. "What... What happens when you shoot a mortal with two of your love arrows?"

"I... I don't know." Cupid admitted nervously, "I never did it before. I mean, on gods and goddesses, it usually just negates the first shot and takes over, but on mortals?"

"What'll we do?"

"I guess we wait and see what happens to her. And then..." Cupid pulled two more arrows out of her quiver, "Give the guy the same dosage to even it out."

---

"I... I can't say." Satie said, still sternly glaring at Lilith.

"It's okay, Satie." Lucy said, putting a hand on the shorter demon lord's shoulder as a blush came to her face. "Kyle was going to hear about this sooner or later."

"Are you sure? I know how embarrassing it is for you." Satie asked, getting a nod in response. Sighing, Satie turned her attention back to Lilith. "I still remember when Lucy called me up crying twenty minutes into her first date with you. You two were at a restaurant when the power went out briefly, causing Lucy to scream and break down crying in the middle of the place because she... Because Lucy's afraid of the dark. She's afraid because it was dark the night we fell to Earth and that wasn't something Lucy wanted to go through again!"

"I didn't know -"

"It was the first thing out of her mouth when she introduced us to you before her date!" Satie snapped. "And when the lights came back on in that place, what did you, Lucy's supposedly loving and supportive girlfriend, do? You practically dragged her outside, screamed at her for 'embarrassing' you, and told her, and again I quote, 'Grow the fuck up, or go the fuck home'!"

Satie then got back into a now terrified Lilith's face and harshly said, "Now, I'll ask you once again, Lilly: Did you really love Adam or Lucy?"

Lilith remained quiet as she took all this in. Closing her eyes, she reflected on her actions and her past relationships. A few seconds later, The Mother of All Demons began to tremble as a whine came from her throat and she fell to her knees, crying loudly in remorse.

"No!" Lilith cried, "I... I thought I loved tem, but I... Oh God! I deserved getting kicked out of Eden! I know it's too late with Adam, but Lucy, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I have no excuses or reasons for the way I treated either of you!"

"Well, maybe not excuses..."

The group turned to Hailey in a mixture of surprise and confusion as the bottomless woman held up her hands. "Look, I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell! I had to repeat kindergarten when I was a kid."

"What did you do? Flunk naptime?" Lucy asked in confusion.

"My point is!" Hailey said before clearing her throat and starting again. "My point is, well..." She turned to Lilith, "Lilith, what was your idea of love when you were made?"

"M-my... My idea of love?" Lilith asked, wiping the tears from her eyes as she got to her feet. "Well, I always assumed that it was just a heightened hormone balance between a man and a woman - or in Lucy's case, two women who share the urgent desire to be close together and one day mate and produce offspring strong enough to survive on it's own. A strong physical attraction to another that they view as strong enough to -"

"That was... Very scientific." Hailey interrupted, cutting The Mother of Demons off. "However, I have no idea what you described, but it wasn't love. Love isn't about being attracted physically, it's about being attracted emotionally. Love is putting others before yourself, and wanting what's best for them rather than yourself. It's based on the character, value, and personality of the other; not what they look like or what title they have. What I'm getting at is," Hailey gently and nervously placed a hand on Lilith's shoulder, "Lucy said she wanted to date Kyle because she wanted to feel care and affection. Maybe, in a weird way, that's all you needed to give?"

"... Wow!" Kyle and Lucy said simultaneously, blinking in unison. Lucy looked up at the muscular huntress and asked, "You had to repeat kindergarten?"

"I... I think you might be right." Lilith said, taking a deep breath before turning to Lucy. "Lucy, I know that it probably doesn't mean much now, but I'm sorry for everything I said and did!"

"Oh, it's -"

"No! It's not alright! I was a... No! I was worse than a bitch to you and poor Adam! And what I was about to do to your new boyfriend..." Lilith replied, "In fact, I want you to burn me to a crisp right now!"

"Hey! Hey! Whoa there!" Kyle exclaimed in shock and fear.

"Relax, Bud. I'm untouchable." Lilith reassured, "I got kicked out of Eden before the whole apple fiasco, so I still got the immortality The Big Guy gave me, Adam, and Eve. I can take it."

"Well..." Lucy began, "You see, Lilith, even if I wanted to do that - and I really don't, I can't actually do that."

"Huh?"

---

"Uh, Roxie?" Grant asked as Roxie giggled like mad, "Are you okay?"

"I'm completely naked with the most wonderful man on the planet!" Roxie exclaimed, squeezing Grant tightly as she spun him around until his back faced Cupid and Psyche. "Baby, I am more than okay!"

"... HELP! THIS BITCH HAS GONE NUTS BECAUSE A LUNATIC WITH A DIAPER FETISH SHOT HER IN THE BUTT!"

"It's not a freaking fetish! I just have to wear this for work!" Cupid hissed, her face redder than her sash as she took aim at Grant's ass.

"But you still look really cute!" Psyche giggled playfully.

"Not now, Sweetie." Cupid said as she released the cable of her bow, firing two arrows towards Grant's butt...

*THUNK!*

*THUNK!*

"OUCH!" Grant yelled, looking over his shoulder to see two arrows sticking out of each of his ass cheeks...

Before disappearing in a pink mist.

"What the hell?! Where did -" Grant's words died on his tongue as he finally connected the dots: a person in a diaper wielding a bow that shot arrows at people and made them act crazy and goofy only meant one figure. "Oh no..."

"What's wrong, Pumpkin Pie?"

"Look, Roxie, I -" Grant began, stopping as he made the mistake of staring into Roxie's eyes. His own eyes widened as he felt his heart beat faster and his palms begin to sweat. His cheeks flushed as he stared as the moonlight bathed the naked, severely skunked woman as his breath got caught in his throat. And, it may have been his imagination, but he was almost certain that he heard Warrant's Cherry Pie playing from somewhere...

"I never noticed how gorgeous you are, Foxy Roxie." Grant purred as he ran his fingers through her hair. Leaning in close, he whispered in Roxie's ear, "Y'know, we're only acting like this because we, literally, got shot by Cupid's arrows."

"Makes sense, but..." Roxie kissed Grant briefly, the two giggling. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it. So, how about a little fun before we continue our hunt for The Devil as... Well, boyfriend and girlfriend?

"I'd like that a lot..." Grant purred as he led a giggling Roxy to a bush on the side of the road.

---

"Mission accomplished!" Cupid said as she and Psyche made their way back to Cupid's car. "Now, let's get dressed and go home after I take this stupid diaper off. I think I'm starting to get a rash again."

"Hey, Cupid. How many arrows did you fire?" Psyche asked, getting a look from her wife. "I saw two hit the woman, two hit the man, and one get stuck in the ground. However, I saw you fire off six arrows. Where did the other one go?"

"I don't really know." Cupid said as she continued on, ripping off the tapes of her uniform. "It'll most likely seek out the first living being that it thinks needs it the most and disappear if it can't find it."

"And if it does?"

"Well, from experience, the target will fall in love with the first member of their species that it sees. If the unaffected individual reciprocates, they live happily ever after. However, the effects on a targeted individual only last about... Oh, thirty seconds for mortals if the other half doesn't reciprocate, and ten minutes for gods, goddesses, and demons."

"Should we be worried then?"

"Who's it gonna hit?"

---

"The Ritual, huh?" Lilith asked as she leaned up against Buddy's van next to Kyle and Lucy. "Lucky Devil!"

"You know I hated that pun..." Lucy said with a laugh.

Lilith laughed before saying, "Yeah but no, seriously, Lucy. You're lucky to have a handsome guy like that be your first. And pretty well hung, too."

"I thought you said I wasn't on par with Adam..." Kyle said with a smirk.

"Y'know what? I like you." Lilith said with a chuckle as she looked forward again, her eyes landing on Satie as she stood outside the car on the phone while Hailey and Buddy sat in the car. "Gotta admit, I did not expect to get spooked by Satan of all things tonight. She's secretively a little firecracker, isn't she?"

"Well, she still has her temper," Lucy replied, "but she's still the same cinnamon roll we all love."

"Yeah. Hey, just for the record, she's not... Y'know, available is she?" Lilith asked, twirling a finger in her hair.

"Well, Cthulhu broke up with her earlier tonight..."

"I knew that over glorified freak show consisted of nothing but complete morons."

"... But she does unfortunately have a date with Pazuzu."

"Uh, when you say 'Pazuzu'..."

"Don't worry, Kyle." Lucy reassured, "He's a real nice guy. He protects pregnant women, protects people from demons that do want to harm humanity..."

"Yeah, and he's a king, too! The guy is way better than how you humans portrayed him in those silly comedies!" Lilith added.

"Uh... The Exorcist movies were meant to be horror films." Kyle said, getting strange looks from Lucy and Lilith.

"Wait... Seriously?" Lucy asked with a disbelieving smile.

"Pazuzu! Hey, it's Satan." Satie said into the phone, "Anyway, Lucy kinda lost her powers and now we - Oh, you know about The Ritual, huh? Well, how soon can you get here?"

"Is right now soon enough...?"

The group turned around to see a Middle Eastern man floating down, the wind surrounding him allowing him to land safely as he hung up. "Good evening, Satie. Lilith. Lucy."

"Hey, Pazuzu. Thanks for -" Lucy said, coming to a stop as she felt a chill run up her spine. "Whoa! Where close!"

"Close? Close to- " Kyle asked, trailing off as if connected the dots. "The Ritual site?! How close are we?"

"Only one way to find out!" Lucy exclaimed as she grabbed Kyle by the arm and led him down the road. "Sorry guys! See you later!"

"Hey! Wait for us!" Hailey shouted as she and Buddy got out of Satie's car and ran after the naked couple, leaving Satie, Lilith, and Pazuzu alone.

"So," Satie asked Pazuzu, "I know it may seem awkward for a first date and all, but..."

"It would be an honor to accompany you in the aiding ritual for your friend." Pazuzu said softly, taking Satie by the hand and kissing it.

Lilith looked on and sighed, wishing that she could have that one day. If only she -

*Plunk!*

"Ow!" Lilith hissed quietly looking over her shoulder to see Cupid's arrow sticking out of her ass cheek before it disappeared. "Cupid's arrow? Has that lunatic gotten drunk again and -"

Lilith stopped as she looked forward to Pazuzu and Satie, her eyes widening as she felt her heart beat faster and her palms begin to sweat. Her cheeks flushed as she stared, the moonlight bathing both the demon lord of wrath and the king of demons as her breath got caught in her throat. And, it may have been her imagination, but she was almost certain that she heard Foreginer's I Wanna Know What Love Is playing from somewhere...

"Wow... Is this... Am I feeling actual love right now?" Lilith asked herself as she eyed the two demons, a nervous smile coming to her face. "Cupid, if this works out, I take back all the Big Baby jokes I ever made about you!"

---

"Okay, the spiritual energy I'm picking up is coming from... Over there!" Lucy exclaimed as she pointed to a large stage theatre building.

"The Ol' West Oak Theatre?!" Buddy asked in shock. "That there place is supposed to be haunted, right? Roxie and Ah were supposed to hit that place before all this happened!"

"No, it's not haunted. The ghosts moved out forty-six years ago." Lucy replied before quickly adding, "At least, I know five did. I'm not sure about the other nine hundred ninety-five."

"But ain't it built on one of them Ancient Indian Burial Grounds?"

"That part's true." Lucy admitted, "We just tried to make mortals think the opposite. It worked for ninety percent of the mortals in the city. However, because it's built on one, that gives us a chance of absorbing the spiritual energy."

"I think we might have a bit of a problem." Kyle said as he pointed to the row of cars in the back lot before pointing to a large sign that read, "Tonight Only: Salute to The Musicals! WARNING: Only 18+ may enter."

"Wait..." Lucy said as she eyed a Ferrari out front, "I think I know who's responsible for this..."

---

"Okay, Ladies! A Five, six, seven, eight!" A fancily dressed woman with olive skin and black hair shouted and clapped her hands rhythmically while a portly brunette played conducted the band.

"Muses One through Four! Go!" The Woman said as four women dressed in togas leapt onto the stage and posed. Four more women dressed the same way leapt on the stage and did Jazz hands as The Woman exclaimed rhythmically, "Muses Five through Eight! Yes! Muse Number Nine... Come... In!"

No one appeared on stage.

"Muse Number Nine." The Woman repeated in annoyance as the music came to a stop. After a few more seconds of silence, she screamed, "REBECCA!"

"Sorry!" A blonde woman in a toga said as she came racing onto the stage, "I was on the phone. Was that my que?"

"Yes, Rebecca. That was your que!" The Woman growled in annoyance as she turned to the woman conducting the music, "E, Dear Sister. Can you go out and find a hobo, or a drunkard, or a roadkill deer carcass. Y'know, something that has AN OUNCE OF FREAKING RHYTHM AND TIMING?!"

"I'll learn it, Ms. T!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"It's opening night! You better!" Ms. T snapped. Turning to another actress, the woman shook her head as she walked up the stage to her. "Mindy. You are exactly five inches off your mark."

"No I'm not." Mindy said, looking down at her feet before looking back up again.

Ms. T pulled out a tape measurer and bent down, muttering to herself as she measured a few inches before standing straight again. "My apologies, Mindy." She apologized in a sarcastic tone, "You're right. You are exactly four and a half inches off your mark."

"Sorry, Ms. T."

"Ugh!" Ms. T groaned as she stormed off the stage and plopped down in one of the seats. "Take five! And use that time to get things right!"

"Yes, Ms. T!" The women said as they left the stage.

"A little harsh, don't you think, Terpischore?" E asked once the women left.

"Euterpe, you know how important tonight is to me!" Terpischore exclaimed, "Calliope, Clio, Urania, Erato, and Polyhymnia are going to be here tonight, and I want to prove I can actually make a hit!"

"Well, maybe we should have opened with a joke like I suggested."

"Not now, Thalia!" Terpischore shouted over her shoulder to a redhead in an ALF T-shirt and cargo shorts standing next to a gothic dressed woman. "What do you and Melpomene want, anyway!"

"The Devil's here." Melpomene said in a monotone voice. "She's got a guy with here. And they're naked."