Confused thoughts and feelings

That night was one of the most confusing nights of my life.

For the whole walk home, while I ate my dinner and while I was lying in my bed, my thoughts went in circles.

Had I really given Josh a blowjob? His cock was in my mouth... but I wasn't like...sucking it or anything? That had to count for something?

So it wasn't a blow job then. It was just me opening my mouth, putting my lips and tongue around his cock and leaving it there as he came inside me....

Fuck. I'd totally given him a blowjob....

Did that mean I was gay? No. No it couldn't. Because it wasn't about getting him or me off, he'd started cuming before he was in my mouth anyways. It was just about keeping his cum somewhere so we could get it into that bottle.

Just your average, non-sexual-cum-storage-blowjob.....

We were in a girls room, getting off to the idea of a girl putting our cum on her face. That just couldn't be gay...

But in the end.... I probably had more cum on my face than she would end up with....

Round and round my thoughts went in circles, as I desperately tried to reconcile my actions with my sexuality.

The thoughts continued throughout the week. Keeping me from sleeping properly or concentrating in school. I couldn't even masturbate anymore without my thoughts drifting to the taste of Josh's cock, or how it felt sliding into my mouth... Not letting myself cum all week only made me more pent up, more tense and more stressed out.

Ar school, I avoided seeing Josh as much as I could. Every time I was around him these days I felt and did such weird things. I was having a hard enough time not thinking about his dick at home, I needed the break at school.

Maybe it would be better to end our sessions. To just go back to how things were. The whole point of them was to de-stress and relax, but I'd been more tense and anxious than ever.

That was the plan, alls I had to do was explain it to Josh...

"Heyy man." I was standing up straight and stiff as I flagged Josh down.

I'd procrastinated until Friday afternoon, right as everybody was going home. He was probably expecting to see me tomorrow so we could... well... so we could do our thing. I needed to let him know now, or I might just end up going over out of guilt. Or something...

"Hey." Josh replied, more subdued than his usual self. I hoped he didn't think I was avoiding him all week because I didn't want to be friends anymore.

"Ummm." The summer hear was still in full blast, and Josh had decided to beat it with a tiny pair of hot pants. They were so small that if he were hard, his cock probably would have been poking out of them...pressed up against his thighs and-

"Listen, I think we should talk." Josh said, biting his lips. He had this pouting face that made him look like a sad puppy. "I know things got out of hand last time and I feel bad about it. I mean you came over and asked of we could keep things straight, and then you ended up with my dick in your mouth."

"It's not a big deal." I said, despite myself.

"Really?" He said. Fast enough to mash the word into being one syllable.

"Yeah... I mean... it wasn't sexual or anything, right?" I still wasn't one hundred percent sure on that myself... but saying out loud helped.

"Yes! Exactly!!" He was smiling now, and looked so full of energy I thought he'd start bouncing on the spot. "I don't know what I was worrying about, I should have known you'd understand!"

From his back pocket he pulled his phone out, grabbing my shoulder and pulling me against him.

"And you need to see this bro!"

The quality wasn't great and it was so zoomed in things got a little blury, but I could tell just what it was.

Through a crack in an open door, reflected in a mirror was Tracy. Standing in the bathroom and rubbing our lotion into her face.

"Holy fuuck." I swallowed hard and took it in. That was our cum going over her face.

"I know right!" The hand that had been on my shoulder had dropped to my sides. Anyone watching might get the wrong idea and think we were a couple or something. But that was probably better than them knowing the truth. "She's been doing this every morning!"

I was one of the hottest videos I'd ever seen. Sure we'd watched girls get more cum on their faces or tits, but this was real! It was our cum!

"Fuck man. I wish I could see it in person."

"Why don't you?" Josh asked. He wasn't watching the video, but staring into my eyes instead. "Why not stay over tonight so we can both watch her rub our hot mix of cum into her face???"

He inched his face closer to mine and my heart raced. His bangs parted to reveal his eyes, so wide and vibrant, staring right into mine. I was close enough to see the goosebumps over his pale white soft skin...

That video... it... it was really having an effect on me....but... but I'd come here to tell him we should stop. Not to spend a whole night together...

But... if it was just to watch Tracy tomorrow... that might be okay then....