Arrive at our stop

I’m walking along with Dadonov, it’s been a long day.

“This is it.” He says to me. “You can come with me when I talk to them.”

He halts the squad, and the two of us cross a small, snow covered field before approaching the front door of a humble yet cosy looking house. Smoke comes from the chimney, highlighted against the flurries of snow in the air. A warm glow emanates from the windows. Dadonov knocks, and an old couple opens the door.

“Sergeant Dadonov.” The old man says, extending his hand. “It’s good to see you.” Dadonov shakes his hand.

“Who is this?” The old woman asks.

“This is Tatyana.” Dadonov answers. “One of my comrades.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” I say to them.

“She sure makes up for that ugly fellow you had with you the last time.” The old woman jokes. “Is he still around?”

“Yes ma’am.” Dadonov answers.

“Well god bless you and all of your boys for fighting back. And girls.” She says. “Even him.”

Dadonov cracks a smile.

“How many can I expect?” She asks.

“Eleven, this time.” Dadonov says.

“Well come on in.” She says. “You’re welcome.

“Go and bring the others.” Dadonov says to me. “Post Zakharov and Petrov. They will stand the first watch.”

“Yes, sergeant.” I say, before turning and heading back towards the woods where everyone else is stopped. I can’t wait to get this over with so I can get warm. It’s sad that Artyom has to stand the first watch, but hopefully I’ll still get some time with him.

I meet everybody and fill them in before we head for the house. A wave of warmth washes over me when I pass through the door. I’m drawn to the stove, and lean my rifle in a corner before pulling my gloves off and holding my numb hands close to the stove. The stiffness in my fingers melts away. Hats and coats come off. Spirits are high.

“I cut you an extra big piece.” The old woman says to me, giving me a slice of bread and a cup of tea. “You remind me of my granddaughter.”

I thank her shyly. I’m nervous about what I’m going to ask her.

“Ma’am,” I begin. “If I write a letter, could you send it for me?”

“Of course, dear.” She answers me. “Let me find you a piece of paper.”

Dadonov looks at me but doesn’t say anything.

“I haven’t sent any word home since the invasion started.” I tell him. “Am I allowed to do this?”

“Yes, Tatya.” He says. “But you must promise me that you don’t write anything about where we are or what we are doing. One letter can kill each and every one of us. Do you understand?”

“I understand.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

Our host returns and I find a quiet corner to sit down and write. There aren’t many details since the invasion which I’d like to mention. As much as I want to tell them everything, I keep it short and sweet.

Dear Mama, Papa, Victor and Stasia,

I am homesick and miss each and every one of you. I can’t tell you much but I am alive and in good health and spirits. Please send word to papa that I am okay. I long for the day where we are all together again.

Love,

Tatya.

I let Dadonov read the letter. He doesn’t want to at first but I insist, not only to put his mind at ease but my own. After giving my letter to our host, Dadonov tells me that it’s my turn to stand watch with Smirnov, who protests. He hardly says a word to me as we both prepare.

Trading the warm cottage for the bitter cold of the forest is miserable. I’m happy to see Artyom when we relieve them.

“Why didn’t you just kiss him?” Smirnov asks me when the others are out of earshot.

“Excuse me?” I ask.

“Oh come on.” Smirnov snorts. “I bet you can’t wait to get back so you can snuggle up with your sweet, sweet Artyom.”

“I bet you can’t wait to get back so you can jerk off again.” I quip. “It’s the best you’ll ever get.”

“Do you know how easily I could overpower you?” Smirnov asks me. I don’t respond.

“I could take you right here if I wanted to, and there is nothing you could do about it.” He says. “You’re nothing but a soft, weak little girl.”

“Try me and I’ll cut your fucking balls off.” I growl.

“I don’t want you.” He says with a laugh. “I don’t want something that anybody can have.”

My jaw drops. “You bastard!”

“Did I make you angry?” He asks smugly. “Did I make you angry when I called you a worthless slut?”

I can feel my face burning, and I grit my teeth. My anger boils over, I drop my rifle and jump on Smirnov, knocking him off balance and tackling him to the ground. I swing for his face but he grabs my arm and pulls me down, before rolling on top of me. I struggle against his weight but he pins me down in the snow.

“Hitting your superior.” He snorts, wrapping his strong hands around my throat and squeezing. “You can be hung for that.”

I kick my feet and paw at his hands, but he doesn’t relent. I’m starting to feel lightheaded. Smirnov picks me up and slams me down hard one more time before letting go. I lay on the ground, rolling back and forth, trying to catch my breath. Tears well in my eyes.

After a few moments I come back up to my knee and pick my rifle up out of the snow. I brush it off and look out over the trees. Neither of us say a word to each other until our relief comes.

Everybody is already asleep. I take off my coat and hat before laying near Artyom. I’m careful not to go too close or touch him. We must keep our secret.