Vacation

This is so typical. I'm the only one ready. Robbie, who was supposed to be packed up and ready to go an hour ago has been farting around all morning. Robbie and I are heading to my mother's house in Columbus for a week for his freshman orientation at Ohio State while Larry stays home by himself.

"Hurry up Robbie! I haven't got all day!" I'd kick him in the nuts if I didn't think it'd slow him down. "I'm almost ready mom! Geeze give me a munute will ya!" It's really to bad Robbie is unfit for military service. A stint in the army would do him some good. "I'll be waiting in the car Robbie. You've got five minutes. If you aren't ready by then I'm going to drag you out by your scrotum! Got it?!"

Out in the car I check my reflection in the rear view mirror. My hair and makeup are perfect. I look at my outfit. A pink blouse with a pleated blue skirt and a pair of brown sandals. I look amazing as always. Robbie on the other hand doesn't. His red and white checkered shirt is untucked. Despite wearing a belt his pants are drooping and his left sneakers is untied. Not to mention his socks don't match. Good lord it's like he goes out of his way to embarrass me.

He almost gets a hernia putting his suitcase in the back seat of my blue Studebaker. After that he huffs and puffs his way to the front passenger seat. Out of breath from carrying his suitcase out. I look him over. His hair's a mess. "For God's sake Robbie comb your hair. Try to look presentable for your grandmother." He takes the plastic comb out of his back pocket and combs his hair as I wave goodbye to Larry whose standing on our porch.

At the stop sign at the end of our street I take the opportunity to punch Robbie right in the testicles." UNGH!" He doubles over in his seat making an O face holding his goobers in both hands while coughing." You better not do anything else to embarrass me while we're at your grandma's house. I did pack my burdizzo. I swear I'll castrate you if you don't behave." He says nothing as he rocks back and forth in his seat holding his sore nuts. I must've really wracked him, good. Nothing like an aching pair of balls to get my point across. It's about a three hour trip from our house in Youngstown to my mother's in Columbus.

Robbie better not piss me off again.