morning

I awoke in bed, wrapped in my massive blanket and looked at my clock 4:00. huh, what woke m-*crash!* is that a vill-

a voice yelled from the kitchen"hah! you can't stop me! I mean really, piranha man? what are you gonna do? are you gonna swim at me?"

another, calmer voice then responded,"no. I'll bite you, like a slice out of a cake."

ah, bloody hell. I suppose I ought to help the hero

I pulled off my blanket and stepped out of bed, luckily, I sleep fully dressed just for occasions like this. I then opened the door, and stepped out into the now wrecked hallway, I grabbed my fear blanket and walked towards the noise, as I entered the kitchen I saw carnage, the cabinets were destroyed my new fridge was mostly exposed wiring and scrap metal, the microwave I had used to reheat my leftover jambalya for years was ripped from the wall and smashed in the center of the room, and there was a massive hole in the wall, damn, I just repainted that. in the room with me were a weird-looking street thug with gorrila arms so big that each one was the size of my torso, and a man with massive serrated teeth and a similarly sized mouth, wearing a piranha hoodie with stylized scales and fins. they were currently engaged in combat, the pirhana man was latched onto the gorilla man's arm, and the gorrila man was ditracted, trying his best to tear the hero off of his arm.

I, unfazed thanks to channeling my fear into my blanket, moved towards the distracted villain and wrapped my fear blanket around his torso

the villain screamed in a voice of terror"aaaaaaaagh!!"

the villain instantly let go of piranha man and curled into fetal position on the floor, using his massive arms as a shield aginst some imagined threat. piranha man detached his teeth from the villain's arm and re-hinged his jaw

"what was that?" said the hero

"an anxiety attack, I've never had one, but I've heard they're very bad. now I'll remove that blanket before it turns into a full on heart attack" I expained

"sure, how did you handle that so well? did you take a hero course or something?" he asked

"nope, I took psych. now shoo, I need to file for insurace" I said, while gesturing to the hole in the wall

"sure, I'll get going." he said

piranha man then left through the hole in the wall, dragging the villain behind him and I returned to my room to begin the ardous process of filing for insurance

2 days later...

*ring!*

hello?

"this is the insurance company, calling about your recent claim." the insurance agent said

"yes, is there a problem? did the claim not go through?" I asked

the agent expained "actually, we need a statement from the hero."

shit.