A tricky engagement

"Should I marry my boyfriend?"

If you were drinking a cup of coffee, now is when you'd spit it out. "What?"

"I mean I probably should," says Jordan, "I love the guy and he loves me, and he did ask, but on the other hand, I don't want to get tied down." Man she suddenly has a whole lot to say. "We've been dating for years, so why isn't that good enough anymore? Does he think I'm not good enough?"

"Slow down. I barely know you," you say. "I'm not the right person to..."

A passage from the Tomboy Code leaps to mind. IXa. When faced with tough life decisions, the greatest weapon in a tomboy's arsenal is giving the Head Coach the final say. The Head Coach will always choose the path best for the Adherent, and cannot lead her astray. The bigger the decision brought to the Head Coach, the greater the according act of faith.

Holy shit. And Jordan's Tomboy to the bone too. Just look at her! According to the Code, doesn't that mean Jordan's practically a nun confessing her sins to her patron saint? By that measure, what if you're the only person on earth she can talk to about something like this?

"Context, sorry," says Jordan, mistaking your **** as measured restraint. She frames the situation with her hands. "I have a boyfriend, things have been great for a long time, he's not super threatened by me being taller than he is, but now he wants more."

Which is four separate boxes, according to Jordan's hands.

"He asked me to marry him last week and I said I'll think about it, but now it's been a week and I'm still thinking about it." She begins pacing like a caged animal. With her size and strength, it's not far off the mark. "He's my best friend, normally I'd just ask his advice, but I can't here. I don't want to let him down, but if I say yes, I'm worried I'll wind up like my mom, and I can't let that happen..."

Sweet mother of mercy, you really are the latest in a long line of tomboy-exclusive spiritual gurus. How is this possible? What do you do? You're intruding into matters that should have NOTHING to do with you, but how do you tell this woman you think her foundational beliefs are crazy? Isn't giving Jordan religious advice after proving that you're the Master Tomboy worse even than tossing out a piece of sententious relationship advice?

While you experience an existential crisis, Jordan's story continues spilling out of her.

"... say yes just because he wants me to, but I don't want to say no out of some weak-ass fear of commitment thing I inherited from my parents. And like I said - I'm not leading him along. Am I? Don't I deserve some time to think it over? Yes, I could've been thinking this over the whole time we were dating, but now it's here and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to give up who I am to roll the dice for a chance at happiness..."

You try to pay attention, but you catch only maybe half of what she said. Unfortunately, before you get a really good handle on all the details, Jordan's tale abruptly ends and she turns to you for the verdict.

"So, do I marry Warren or not?" she asks.

"Well..." you stall. She doesn't seriously expect you to answer that question, does she?

Jordan, all six foot something of her, looms over you. She holds her breath, her current vulnerability only matched by her prior confidence.

Yes, she seriously expects you to answer the question. And why wouldn't she? The Tomboy Code promises regardless of what you say, your direction will be the best path forward. From Jordan's perspective, running into you, here, in the shadow of the climbing arch, is the greatest stroke of luck ever to befall her.

Sweat rolls down your neck. In the moment, the question feels less whether it's right to answer, and more whether you have the heart to let Jordan down by keeping your mouth shut.