Don't do it... it's too dangerous

She’s… she’s too confident. Too self-assured. Too weird!

There was something about this girl that I couldn’t help but feel anxiety over, her saccharine sweet aesthetic and the fast paced way she seemed to present herself and guide a conversation in the directions she preferred.

I had a feeling if I’d met her at the start of the Uni year, I might have just thought her quirky and fun, and been bowled over by her cute face and attractive body. I would have just figured she was experimenting with her presentation at college, dressing rebellious in her own way, hyper feminine and Harajuku kawaii instead of the dark colors that typically drew rebellious types. The kind of fun, original, captivating manic pixie dream type girl that an inexperienced guy like me could fall for.

Now though…

A lot of my innocence had been corrupted in a very short time. Wearing Lisa, Elise, Samantha… having sex as a girl, playing the role of a sweet, confident popular girl and then using her body for slutty after party sex. Being a seductive older woman, a sultry librarian and a walking wet dream, and then a sexy secretary who’d do anything to get ahead and enjoy material pleasures.

I’d been these women, worn their skins and their very souls like costumes, experienced their memories vividly from their most intimate points of view. Really, it was amazing how much more experienced being a skinwalker for a couple of weeks could make someone. And with that experience, the changes in my body, the beginning of the loss of my humanity… maybe it had made me a little more paranoid, a little more perceptive, and a little less likely to trust this girl.

The way she just walked straight in here, introducing herself as my girlfriend, striding to my room… It’s just too confident. She already suspects I’m a skinwalker, and she’s a hunter, it’s not like she doesn’t know what we can do!

The door to the bedroom opened, as my hands shook. Adrenaline was coursing through my body, an intense rush of fight or flight chemicals as the idea of stabbing her in the back tantalized me to no end. But even stronger than the adrenaline, and the excitement, came the fear.

What… what would they do to me if they caught me? What if I’m not fast enough? They might **** me, tear me apart, make me some kind of sick experiment. And… it’s not just me. I’m wearing Grace right now, what would they do to her??

My bottom lip trembled much the same as my hands, fear spreading through me.

Grace…

I didn’t know her very well at all, really. Grace, the shy girl. The wallflower. Too socially anxious to ever be more than a curiosity or an afterthought. But now, burrowed into her flesh, all of her intimate thoughts and feelings, the lonely longing for connection, the soft, hurt desire for love, every piece of her laid out for me to peruse and use… now I knew what she was really like.

Grace’s soul was so pure, so innocent, so kind. If I attacked now, I would be risking her, dragging her into a horrible, hidden conflict she had no part in. I shouldn’t do that.

Though, that all sounds so brave, so selfless… really I’m just terrified for my own sake too.

I lowered my hands to my side, guilt, shame and fear manifesting on my face. I knew if anyone was watching me, they’d see a truly pitiful sight. The brave thing to do would be to try and stab Lucy, turn her now, wear her and take her place, and maybe even destroy Mortiferis from the inside. That… wasn’t what I was going to do.

I’m such a coward, even trying to use the excuse of wanting to protect Grace to just hide how afraid I am… maybe in some other universe I had the guts to risk it all on an attack.

“Woooow, what a chill room.”

My thoughts were broken by Lucy’s upbeat voice, as she strode into my bedroom. I shuffled after her, the gloom I felt easily being disguised as some of “Grace’s” awkward social anxiety.

“S-so you haven’t been here yet? To Alex’s room?”

Lucy’s eyes gleamed just a little, some kind of inscrutable emotion surfacing for only a second, before she flawlessly replied.

“Oh, no, not yet ahahah. We’ve only gone back to my place. I have a nice apartment, no roommates or anything. We can be as loud as we want, you know?”

Lucy giggled more, as a furious blush spread from my cheeks to my ears.

She’s so shameless, what the hell!

Visions of my real, male body intertwined with Lucy’s burst into my head uninvited, lewd depictions of sweaty sex in every position as I made the petite pink haired girl moan and pant, and then images of her riding me in turn, our hands intertwining as she made me gasp with astonished pleasure. The cold acknowledgement of another aspect of her statement, the ease at which she said that though, helped temper the eroticism of my rampant fantasies.

And such a flawless, immediate liar. No hesitation at all. Maybe she’s some kind of sociopath? The more time I spend with her the more wary I become.

“A-ah…”

I’d let my expressions default to Grace’s, too distracted to think too deeply about my presentation, and for some reason it seemed to activate a certain sadistic quality within Lucy.

“Hmmm, or mayybbbeee… maybe you don’t know. Do you, Gracie? You’ve only arrived at University, haven’t you? You seem like such an innocent girl.”

Lucy sidled up now, standing in my personal space, eyes drifting down the plump lips I was wearing. Almost involuntarily, the stolen girl’s nerves made the bottom one quiver a little, which just caused Lucy’s smirk to grow all the more intense. But then it seemed to soften, her eyes, which seemed so sharp a moment ago as they seemed to scan everything about me, lightened up a little.

“But, you know. That’s really okay. It’s actually precious.”

She laughed a little, and it was subtle, yet there was a brief sadness that passed through her countenance like a fast-moving summer cloud, before she continued.

“Being able to be innocent is such a perfect luxury. To be soft and sensitive, and not to have to be so vicious all the time. Well… enjoy it. I hope you never have to become something worse than you are now, Grace.”

“Ah… ehm… t-thanks Lucy. I think?”

Now she just laughed a little. It seemed the adorkable awkwardness Grace found it difficult not to project had a useful side effect of giving the perfect out from moments laden with small intensities.

“You’re cute, Grace.”

She turned away now, as I kept watching her, curious. It seemed my impersonation of the shy girl whose skin I’d stolen was working. Suddenly though, Lucy pulled me over to the wall.

Wha-what happened? One minute she was there, and then…?? I practically didn’t even see her move?

I wasn’t sure even Lucy realized now quickly she’d moved, as she pulled me over to the wall. Inside Grace, I was very short, about the same height as Lucy, even if my body was much more voluptuous.

“And speaking of cuuuttteee, whadda you think of my boyfriend?”

She’d pulled me to the wall of photos in my own room now, her eyes seeming to rake across the pictures. Somehow, I almost got the impression that she was making millions of little judgements from so many of the small details that could be seen in each frame. There were some pictures from high school, hanging out with friends, posing a little awkwardly as teenage boys are aught to do, although personally I preferred the pictures I’d already amassed since coming to university.

A picture of me with Alicia, Frank and Jessica, from a night out we’d gone on as a flat, before we’d realized how much of a bitch Jessica really was. A picture of me and Jimmy, covered in silly string while drunk at a flat party, and even a polaroid of “Lisa” and I that she’d taken and given me on that ill-fated date that had started all of this.

It felt really weird looking at these photos, and even the rest of the room, with the posters and decorations I’d added, now that Lucy was showing me them, thinking I was Grace. This situation in general was just so strange; a girl who’d never been here, showing a guy his own bedroom, while he pretends to be a different girl who’s never been here either.

“I’m a little jealous of this one, actually. I’m sure he’ll be getting rid of it and replacing it with one of me soon.”

Lucy pouted as she pointed disdainfully at the photo of me and Lisa.

“I can’t wait until Alex gets here. We’re going to have a long chat I think, really get everything straightened out. And, well, I’m going to have a lot of fun with him. I have a feeling that he’s going to give me more entertainment than I’ve had in a long, long time.”

A certain malicious energy seemed to gleam in Lucy’s eyes as she said it, as a chill spread throughout me again. Throughout all of this, I couldn’t get the way she’d pulled me over here out of my head. The effortless way she’d moved, the sheer speed of it all.

Maybe… maybe I’d been right not to attack. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone move so quickly… or have reactions like that. And she didn’t even act as though anything special was going on, she didn’t seem to realize her own power in the moment. It was just natural, unthought about, as accepted to her as the midday sky being blue. Would I have even been able to get the jump on her?

Where earlier, a certain pathetic, feeble guilt over my fear had seemed to stifle me, more rational considerations came to me now. The acknowledgment of the real situation, and the lack of shame one can have when they realize the smartest move is self-preservation.

She’s… she’s dangerous. Really dangerous. I’m certain of it now, the smoothness with which she moves, the hidden strength that can only be noticed if you really, really pay attention. I’ve only been a skinwalker for a few weeks, and before that I was just a normal guy. I don’t want to die! And I shouldn’t have to either, this is insane!

It seemed the more I thought about it, and the more extensively the plethora of reasons not to attack hunters or get involved revealed themselves to me, the better of an idea avoiding combat seemed.

After all, these powers… they’re really stealth powers. That’s what they’re best at. Hiding in plain sight. I’m even talking to this hunter right now, and unless I make a move that’s too out of character, she can’t know entirely that I’m Alex. If I play my cards right, I can get out of this apartment.

And then what…?

A confused, hazy, cold chill seemed to settle in my heart, as rational planning for the future raised it’s head. Lucy had come to my apartment, explicitly looking for me. She had to have known what I was, otherwise why would she have been so bold as to come here herself? Sure, I seemed to be playing Grace’s role well enough in the moment to avoid detection, but then what?

Was I going to stay in her skin indefinitely, too frightened of slipping up or being caught to leave? Fear keeping me confined as I lived my life as a shy girl, stealing her youth, and every chance at building connection and love from the most innocent young woman? Maybe if the stakes weren’t so high, and if that ever-present fear of being caught wasn’t hanging over me, the idea of living as a busty short-stack Asian shy girl would be so forbidden and hot, I couldn’t help but crave it.

But between knowing how wrong it would be to steal her life, and knowing how little I might be free to enjoy it if I lived my life terrified of being caught, I knew it wasn’t feasible. None of my flatmates could be my port in the storm, that pervasive dread ruining the potential for happiness I could have living as any of them.

I’d have to leave this flat behind. Even though the university was big, and teeming with students, it still felt too close to discovery. This whole city did, really. These hunters just seemed far, far too dangerous, everything I’d read and even just the latent terror that seemed to pluck at my heart when I was close to them made me think I’d need to get far, far away from here.

But leaving like that, disappearing for good… it meant my family and friends could never know what had happened to me. Getting in contact with them would be too dangerous, potentially turning them into hostages, or perhaps confidants that would in turn make them targets for Mortiferis. I didn’t know if these hunters would kill or **** humans, yet somehow I wouldn’t put it past them either.

A cold pit of misery seemed to open up inside me as I thought about it, imagining the missing persons reports, the fear and concern from everyone. The heartbreak from my family, and the suffering that might even spread through the university.

Luckily, I never really got to know too many people that well…

I would laugh at the grim humor of the statement, somehow finding gratification in knowing there weren’t too many here who would have to suffer once I was gone. Logically though, I knew that even the least popular person can still touch the lives of those surrounding them in positive ways, and there is no person who truly wouldn’t be missed were they to disappear.

Looking around my room now, it seemed much more depressing, as my heart ached in my chest. Lucy was still scanning the walls, seeming fascinated by small details, almost like she was memorizing the meanings one could gleam from every small decoration in a way like they might reveal my character.

I followed her eyes, looking at an old timey world map poster I’d thought was cool, then at some nature photos of canyons and coastal villages, and some art prints of old cathedrals. Beyond an appreciation for attractive aesthetics, it was a little bit of a jumble, but that really made perfect sense; University was always meant to be a time for self-exploration. Of course my style wasn’t totally refined right now, in what’s meant to be the start of a free life.

I looked at the used tickets on the walls from concerts, and some big parties from freshers week, and the memories rushed back. I’d seemed so carefree then, so innocent. A young student who was finally escaping the trapped frustration of high school and getting to live life at college, getting caught up in all the possibilities. I knew in some ways I was looking back with rose covered glasses, and I knew that even then the more conventional fun I’d had was nothing compared to the pleasures I’d experienced as Lisa or Elise.

Thinking like that, it was hard not to wonder what kind of life I would have had if I’d never been turned into a skinwalker. Would I have been happy? Would I have achieved the things I’d hoped for, a big, interesting and diverse group of friends to have fun with, and gotten myself a cute girlfriend, and maybe a wife and true love down the line? Would I have really been able to achieve happiness, as just a normal person? Would those normal goals have fulfilled all my dreams?

I looked again at the photos, the ache in my heart getting stronger as my gaze went over the faces of family and friends. The pain grew strongest of all as I thought of all the people I’d never be able to see again.

“Hmm, Grace, what’s up? You look really sad…”

Lucy cocked her head to the side, looking at me. I’d been so wrapped up in my thoughts, I’d completely forgotten the situation.

“A-ahh… y-yeah. I’m okay.”

“Really? You look terribly unhappy.”

I tried to look less miserable, with a certain desperation that seemed all the more pronounced for having to seem ordinary. Trying to hide all of those true feelings that had been rising to the surface and displaying themselves on Grace’s cute face.

Lucy now was looking at me with more scrutiny again, the softness which she’d began addressing me with beginning to reverse, quickly turning to a heightened, interested attention. The hunger was gleaming once more, just a little in her eyes; the appearance of a predator that was starting to suspect it was closing in on previously lost prey.

I just looked at the floor, replying in a quiet voice:

“I… I’m just… it just looks so nice. Having friends and… a girlfriend. Getting to meet people and laugh and have fun.”

Lucy looked on silently as I continued, Grace’s soft, sweet voice shaking a little, full of genuine melancholy.

“I’m… I’m really s-shy. And it gets kinda lonely sometimes, so… I just wish I could be more confident. I wish… I could have friends.”

The room was so silent as I said it, channeling every part of Grace as I spoke from her heart. Honestly, the real girl might not have even had the confidence to be as honest as that, but with me inside there was just enough to say the heavy thoughts that weighed on her heart. It was so convenient, and so tragic how well it paralleled my own feelings right now: As I spoke for Grace, mourning her lack of friends, inside her skin I mourned all of mine that I was about to lose forever.

“Grace…”

That softness had returned, an affected look of concern on Lucy’s face now as she stepped closer, taking my hands. Despite their innocuous appearance, they had tell-tale callouses I could feel, that must have been built up from years of training. They made a stark contrast to the soft palms I was wearing.

“… you’ll get there eventually. We’ve only just met, so I can’t say I really know you, but you seem so, so sweet. You’ll find your people someday soon. You’re young, so young, and when you’re young it seems like the small things are the end of the world. But they aren’t, even if they feel that way now. The world is full of second chances. You can forget all about your old life of loneliness, it’s not too late to make a fresh start. And even if you feel like you’ve missed all sorts of time, and experiences, you still have your shot to make a new life, a happier life. One that’s so fresh, and bright, and full of hope. Don’t let the darkness you feel right now make you forget that.”

With that, she pulled me into a close hug, her smaller breasts smushing into my bigger ones, holding me close. I could feel her breathing, and she smelt really good… her words had been so kind too. Somehow, despite it all, I felt a generosity and an unexpected care in them, something I never would have anticipated from the girl who came here to kill me.

Would she be this kind to me if she knew the truth? Would she ever accept Alex, the boy who everyday against his will is becoming a monster?

There was a strange prescience to her words, a calming relatability that cut me deep, even as I knew it wasn’t intentional on her part. What she’d said had been meant for Grace, and all of her words applied totally to the sweet, but lonely girl. But inside her pretty face, I felt as though they were just as relevant to me. The lost time, the hope of a second chance. A reminder that even with the tragedy of leaving behind my real life, I could still find hope.

Even if I have to steal it from someone else…

As she cuddled me though, I noticed something. Something almost imperceptible, that I knew I would not be able to feel even a few weeks ago, and only just was able to notice with my enhanced senses.

A small, tiny pressure, against my back. Just the slightest indication of something sharp, a needle, or a knife pressing in wait. A countermeasure deployed with utter caution and stealth, and no doubt after seeing Lucy move so quickly earlier, one that could be delivered with almost unimaginable speed.

Even in this most **** position, caring for a shy, **** young woman who she must be 90% sure is only human, Lucy is ready. Ready to kill or incapacitate, to destroy in less than a heartbeat. Ready to destroy me if she knew I’m inside Grace.

Lucy parted the hug with a warm smile, as I tried to stifle some tears. It felt like it was so much easier to cry when I wore Grace’s personality. For better and worse, she was much more in touch with her feelings than me, so I felt the same advantages and disadvantages as I wore her soul.

“T-thank you Lucy. You’re really sweet too.”

I smiled at her, the purity the seemed to pour from every pore of Grace making me seem like a grateful angel.

“Ohhhh, you’re way too cute! Honestly, I’m shocked you don’t have friends right now, I would love to spend more time with you.”

“Well, maybe if you’re going to be around. You’re Alex’s girlfriend, after all.”

“Yeah, of course! I’m sure we’ll become much better friends.”

Lucy beamed her smile at me as she lied effortlessly. I knew that she wasn’t my girlfriend, and she was nearly certainly here to kill me. Once she’d done that, she would be gone from this city, on to the next mission.

“I’d really like that…”

I smiled back as I returned the lie, Grace’s sweet voice giving it all the unassuming believability it needed. It was amazing how useful wearing a guileless girl was for someone who increasingly lived a life of lies like me.

Bidding farewell to “Alex’s girlfriend” with smiles, and some final comforting words, I left her. In the corridor, it was like I let go of a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

I… I made it. For now.

I took one step towards the door, and then another. I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other, until I’d left the apartment. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to think about the life I was leaving behind, didn’t want to be reminded of what I could never go back to. I felt the air of the corridor move along my bare, smooth legs, ruffling my skirt, and my long hair as I walked.

It was a reminder of the one thing I had, the one power that meant my life wasn’t over. Well, in a way.

“Alex” was finished. The boy I’d been my whole life was an identity I could never return to. I knew when I wasn’t so scared, wasn't still so full of adrenaline, I would cry, and maybe even fall into depression over everything I was losing. Right now though, I was too focused on survival. I’d managed to get past Lucy’s little tests, and left her thinking I was just Grace. I would have to shed the shy girl’s skin soon.

I’d swap her out in a public place, a mall or coffee shop or something. Even a grocery store. I’d move from skin to skin, subtly, changing so many times I’d be difficult to track. I’d leave this town before the end of the night, leave the whole region soon after. Maybe even leave the country. Just because my life as myself was over, didn’t mean my life as someone else needed to be. I’d keep going until I felt safe, sliding into a perfect cover. Live in peace for a while, maybe a few years even, let the heat die down.

Goodbye, Alex…

I stifled a sob as I composed myself, bidding farewell to my old life, feeling like I was shedding it.