What the fuck happened?

I spent all day watching some parts of the long raw footage of the VR world we lived in, trying to ask myself how Carl managed to make me do it. The streets, the paths were a mix of a fake Oxford and our own facilities at Harvard. Everything had a bunch of flaws in their designs and I blamed myself for not realizing it sooner. My dorm room was exactly like the ones at Harvard, the buildings were Harry Potter copied, the accents were horrible, the cars were American, but the buses were double decker red. Everything was a mess. Gosh!

But one thing I kept trying to understand was that I’ve never done the Reality Spell myself before, I just wrote it down as an experiment along with some others.

The sinking feeling on my stomach everytime I saw that buffed version of Carl made me summon my notebook and open it on the time travel page. Another spell I’ve never performed before. I just wrote simple instructions: first, get a memory and then imagine the location at that exact time. The rest of it comes from within me, from what I’m feeling. It’s unwritable. I couldn’t think of anything else than if I traveled back to the day we met, I could injure my old self so I couldn’t leave the dorm that day. Anything that led to Carl still being alive.

I was skipping the boring and/or adult parts of the footage until it got me to the Paris scene again with my brother. I paused it analyzing his face on the balcony for a moment. He was truly happy about it, like I’ve never seen him before. Chris was the guy that slept around when he wanted. Believe me! I don't recall him repeating one meal whatsoever. His face seemed to crack the mainly of the men to give him what he asked for. His body bent boys into submission. But I’ve never seen him couple-happy, having-a-boyfriend happy. That was the expression on his face. Who was that Chris? That Chris was completely in love.

And mine too. As well loved as I felt around Carl and Jeff, my face there was different. It transmitted peace. Love, peace and lull. How does one mix these feelings and display them in facial nerves? And how come I didn’t ever feel like this in the real world? The scene in Paris was so perfectly painted that I wanted to experience it in real life too. Certainly not with my brother, but I wanted to feel that again.

I heard noises coming from the living room and got out of my bedroom to notice it was already dark outside and I didn’t have a bite to eat all day long.