Diary entry.

Dear Diary,

Another week is done, and I can't believe how fast time is flying. Henry had me sit in on a meeting and take notes for the first time. I still feel like he's testing me, but seeing him talk to the client was interesting. He is a smooth talker, a man with a silver tongue, that's for sure. Right after, he gave me a bunch of work again, and he didn't care. I guess that's how he is, and I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

I tried to talk to Tom again this week, and things did not go well would be an understatement. I tried to ask him why he was avoiding me, and he blew up on me. Yes, the Tom we love lost it, and I have never seen him like that. It scared me, but I couldn't help worrying about him. I just hope he knows I am there for him, whatever he is going through. I wish he would talk just to me about it. But I think I should give him space and pray that one day he can open up.

Andre texted me. I was so excited after what we did last weekend, and I was hoping he wanted to see me again, and I wanted to know if it would lead to something more. I mean, his cock will be etched in my mind forever. But he just wanted to see if I wanted to become an OnlySnaps model. Obviously, he did after that recruitment pitch he gave me. And I did the research, and you could make so much money that it would be stupid of me to say no. It's just posting some nudes, and it's safe.

I did my first OnlySnaps shoot with Andre, which was a sexy experience. He made me sign a contract beforehand, but it looked fine. At least I hope I didn't sign my life away. He offered me coke again, and I did it. I love how coke makes me feel. All my worries disappear, and I'm just floating on a cloud. I don't have to think about anything else. I can just enjoy the moment. It's not like ****, where you get fuzzy and can't think straight. Coke is different, and it makes me feel alert and alive. I love it.

I felt excited during the OnlySnaps shoot. My heart was racing as I posed for the camera and tried my best to look sexy. I could tell Andre was getting turned on too, which excited me even more. I kept thinking about what it would be like to suck his dick to have him inside me again. I made my move on him, gave him another sexy pose, and I made sure he saw my pussy up close.

He dragged me to his living room and made me suck his dick. He became dominant, like a whole other person calling me a slut and **** me on his dick. I loved it, and it was such a turn-on. I think I like being submissive. Giving up control to Andre and letting him take the lead was hot. I can't help but get wet thinking about being helpless and at his mercy. He was right, and I'm just a dirty little slut who needs to be taught a lesson. I just wish he fucked me with that huge dick of his. I would let him do anything to me. I also got some coke off him after I finished him off. He obviously didn't mind.

I had lunch with Tom and Evelyn on Sunday. Evelyn was a little weird, and it felt like she was flirting with me. It's kind of crazy to think about Tom's mom and me together, but I can't help but wonder what it would be like; she is good-looking. Maybe I'm just a pervert. Tom ignored me the whole time we were there, I wasn't surprised, but I did want to talk to him. I hope he opens up to me soon.

We're not lost. We're just headed somewhere different. (Emily X.R. Pan)

~K

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