Train harder and know yourself

I don't know why I'm so keen on fighting this guy. I struggle to find a rational explanation, but the only one that I come up with is totally unacceptable. The only thing I'm certain of is my determination to change his arrogant demeanor and **** him to behave in front of my daughter.But I know that I don't have the means to achieve this goal yet. Fortunately, my sensei is indulgent and allows (only) me to train with my male mates. The solid justification that we give is that I've become too good for the pink side of the class and, in order to improve, I need to confront the blue one. I approach my male companions comfortably, maybe a bit too much; the first time that I train with Mike - a bald man in his '50 and 3 inches taller than me - I get swiped on the floor like nothing. And for the first time in my life, I discover how weak I am compared with the men doing my same discipline. Neither as a young judo athlete nor in the years after the pregnancy, when I started Vietnamese martial arts, I ever really had the chance to fight the other gender. And grappling against someone determined to win a contest is not comparable with my beloved fetishist brawls. Yes, I am stronger than some men, those who are flaccid and untrained like my husband, or people clueless about combat sports, but against stronger male opponents, even the difference in strength is frightening.

Indeed, all of that was easy to figure out in theory, but feeling the bruises on your skin and the pain in your bones is another realm of experience. I start to work out intensely, running every day for miles and buying weights to powerlift at home. Over the summer, my body changes and I begin to resist the harsh sparring sessions longer and longer. In the meantime, I try to avoid Jonhatan as I can, going out when he comes in and making up stories to keep him clear. Meeting that guy gives me emotions that I'm struggle to dodge. One day of early September however I return home after jogging and Anna opens the door. "Oh mommy come! John is interested in your judo medals but I cannot give much context. Help us out!", she says, walking me trough the living room. My heart is racing. "I think that I'll take a shower first...", I mumble, when the guy shows up. The day is hot and he is shirtless. "Johnny I'll make you that orange juice. "Mom is here and can explain everything; I'll leave you in good hands," Anna says as she walks into the kitchen. I look at him, frozen in admiration and surprise. From his shape, I guessed that he was rather lean and slim. But that was a huge misperception caused by the guy's height. In fact, the opposite is real. His shoulders are broad and even broader than I thought. They might appear so large because his chest is so large and well defined. Lowering my eyes I notice that his abs is not painted in a thin six-pack sculpture as I had imagined, but is somehow more ample and relaxed, giving a general outlook of body mass to the overall upper section. He's shaved and that highlights the shape of each muscle. When our eyes meet, a shiver runs through my spine.