Man, I Feel Like a Woman

I close my eyes, and I feel inside. I feel the shimmering crystal rainbow flowers blooming in my soul, an endless incarnation of beauty and magic. The need to be seen and admired and spark joy in the hearts of others. I open my eyes and look into myself in the mirror. I see the spark, the sparkle, the smile.

Hello, Kelly. Lovely to see you.

I tap on my phone to get a Doja Cat playlist blasting on my bluetooth speakers, and I grab my vape pen from my nightstand and use it as a microphone, singing along between hits as I dance around my room, careful to avoid Bagel. Once I’m soaring through the mental stratosphere I settle myself back in front of the mirror and get to work. First a close shave and moisturizer, then a light layer of foundation. Bright blush along the cheekbones,and a bold eyeliner to contrast with the expressive peach and teal eyeshadow. Not too much mascara, as my lashes don’t need a lot of help. Finish it off with a strong red lip and I smile at the image in the mirror, falling in love with myself all over again.

Doja Cat is still keeping things upbeat on the speakers, so I dance across the room to my wardrobe and follow my heart through the hangers. Business casual and pretty today, I think. Nothing too wild, I want to let my actions speak for themselves. First I slip on a pair of black silk panties with matching bra, admiring my form in the full length mirror for just a moment. Short pale pink skirt and white stockings, a light blue shoulderless blouse with a high neck (those girls did leave a couple hickies, after all) and cover with a soft charcoal cardigan. I grab my cute pair of black shoes, the shiny ones with the low heel, and I finish my look by putting my blue hair up in a high ponytail, leaving enough of my bangs free to do that fun anime thing that drives all the cute nerds wild.

I give Bagel some extra snugs and scritches on my way out the door and then I’m out to the elevator and down to my silver Nissan Altima. It’s a beautiful morning in Seattle, hardly any clouds and a brilliant sunrise coming up over the Cascades. I stop for my usual iced coffee (caramel latte with hemp milk, no whip) at my favorite espresso stand. Some might raise an eyebrow at someone like me patronizing a bikini barista, but I love to spend time with other pretty girls and they’re always more interesting to talk to than the wage slaves at Starbucks.

The rest of my commute blurs together in my still slightly **** mind, and when I come back to reality I’m stepping off the elevator at the office. I let out a small sigh as I adjust my mind to the realities of the working world, and put on my flirtiest smile to greet Val at the front desk. She gives me that look again, her dark eyes boring into me as if trying to see under my mask. I let my eyes wander over her strong arms and Marine Corps tattoo, before coming back up to her sharp face under her short boycut. My smile isn’t returned, but there’s time to work on that. I know she’s into girls, I just need to convince her I am one.

Strolling into the brightly lit space of the open office plan on my floor, I get a few nods and hellos before reaching my standing workstation and catching the attention of Sally, my work wife. Her warm brown eyes shine and she gives me her widest smile. “Hi Kelly! Love the face!” She gives me a quick tight hug and starts to fill me in on the latest gossip as I unpack my bag and turn on my work laptop.

I give Sally most of my attention, as I really am quite interested in the latest gossip, but something on my laptop catches my eye and makes it hard to focus on the developing saga of the project manager turf wars. My calendar for today, usually peppered top to bottom with pointless meetings, check-ins, and touch-bases, is blessedly empty. I smile to myself. Now I just need to decide how I’m going to fill that time.

And who exactly I’ll entice to do the filling.