My week in hell (alternate branch)

The week that followed the night that Emma broke up with me was one of the worst of my entire life.

The first shock I got happened on Saturday night. I was feeling really down in the dumps all day Saturday, feeling the despair of having destroyed the relationship that I had been so carefully building over the last several months. I couldn’t help myself on Saturday night. I needed an Emma fix badly. Even though I suspected that it would only make me feel even worse in the long run, I locked myself in my room and got on my computer and went to the drive where Emma had been uploading all her pictures and videos.

It was empty!

That felt like yet another twist of the knife in my ribs. I was missing her so badly since she broke up with me the night before. To find that she had erased everything she had shared with me so far only accentuated that feeling of loss.

I’ll confess that I drank myself into oblivion that night, not really even being careful to make sure my parents wouldn’t notice the missing ****. I never really considered whether they would find out or not, I just wanted to forget and it seemed the quickest and easiest way to do it.

The second big twist of the knife happened on Monday at school. Mike and I had grown pretty accustomed to hanging out with all Emma’s friends at lunch. I was the last to arrive at lunch, having stayed late talking to my physics teacher at the end of the period before lunch. When I arrived, the whole gang was seated at the usual table, so I just went and sat down next to Mike.

A soon as I sat down, Emma abruptly stood, grabbed her lunch and quickly left. That brought questioning stares in my direction from most everyone at the table. The only one who didn’t look confused was Sarah. She was also looking directly at me, but didn’t seem confused at all. She seemed enfuriated, staring at me icily. If looks could kill, I would have been dead a hundred times over.

“I don’t think Emma should be the one that has to leave,” Sarah spit out venomously in my direction.

“Umm,” Ryan said, looking back and forth between Sarah and I. “What the hell is going on?” He asked. Even though he had been there on Friday and had been the center point of my grand fuck up, he hadn’t understood the true import of what had happened. I couldn’t really blame him. On the surface it seemed to just line up with everything he already knew about the extremely complicated relationship between Emma and I.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I said quietly.

“Good,” Sarah spit out aggressively, “because we don’t want to listen to you anyway.”

“Ummm,” Ryan stammered, trying to keep the peace, “guys? Can we chill this out a little, maybe?”

I stood.

“It’s okay,” I said, picking up my food tray and stepping out from the bench at the table. “I should probably just go.”

“Damn right you should,” Sarah answered quickly.

I saw Mike start to stand up as well. I really didn’t want to drag him into this. He had been almost completely transformed by his inclusion in Emma’s group of friends. I couldn’t bring myself to jeopardize his newfound self confidence.

“It’s okay, Mike,” I said to him quickly. “Just stay put. I think I need a little alone time anyway.”

He cocked an eyebrow in my direction as if to ask if I was sure. I nodded almost imperceptibly and made my way across the cafeteria to a table in the corner. I could see the group I had just left. They were all looking in Sarah’s direction, watching intently as she spoke animatedly, undoubtedly explaining my stupidity to all of them. I was quite certain it was going to be hard to recover from all of this, perhaps impossible.

I spent a good amount of time alone that week, wallowing in self pity over the stupidity of my own actions. I didn’t even bother going into the cafeteria for lunch for the rest of the week, bringing myself something I could eat in a quiet corner of campus rather than face the group of people that I used to consider my friends.

I went to the library every afternoon after school. I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t just going there with the false hope that Emma might show up, but deep down inside I knew that was exactly what I was hoping for.

And it most definitely was a false hope. She never showed up. She avoided me like the plague all week long. I spent the week spiraling deeper and deeper into my own self loathing.

It wasn’t until Thursday night that anything remotely cheery took place. I’d been avoiding Mike all week as well. I didn’t want to drag him down from the plateau he found himself on, where he was hanging out with one of the most popular groups in the school and taking his pick from some of the most beautiful girls in the school, who all seemed to want to give him a ride. How could I interrupt that?

On Thursday he stopped giving me the choice. When I got home from the library, I slipped quietly downstairs to spend another evening alone, only to find Mike sitting on the couch, watching Netflix on the TV.

“Hey,” he said nodding in my direction.

“Hey,” I replied.

“You’ve been avoiding me all week. I think that’s total bullshit. Sit down and spill your fucking guts, Isaac. I’m not going to let you destroy yourself over this. Not a fucking chance of that.”

I wanted to tell him to just leave me alone. I still wasn’t yet ready to face the loss that I felt. But I could tell by his expression, the tone of his voice, and the words he chose that he wasn’t about to let me run him off.

So I plopped down next to him on the couch.

“It hurts so damn bad, Mike,” I said to him.

“Of course it does, you idiot. You didn’t expect it to be easy did you?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I thought we would always be together.”

“Doesn’t usually work that way, my friend. As shitty as that sounds, it’s usually the truth.”

We talked, and I cried, on and off, for several hours. I’ll admit it felt really good to actually talk to someone about how I felt. We didn’t solve any of my problems in any way, but just having someone there to listen to me was much more cathartic than I ever imagined possible. Especially since it was someone who was as close a friend as Mike. I silently thanked the heavens for putting someone as good as him in my life.

It was approaching midnight when he finally started getting ready to leave. I had one final question for him before he left.

“You planning on going to game night tomorrow night?” I asked him.

He looked a little sheepish as he stared back at me, but didn’t answer my question.

“I really think you should go,” I said. “I don’t want my screw ups to affect the sweet setup you’ve got going.”

“I mean,” he said, a little nervously, “I was hoping you wouldn’t be mad at me if I went, even though I’m sure you’re not planning to.”

“I think I’d be a hell of a lot madder at you if you didn’t,” I said to him.

“Good,” he said, “because I was definitely planning on going.”

“Good,” I said.

He was heading for the stairs when he stopped and turned back towards me.

“Now that you’re broke up,” he said, “you won’t mind if I pick Emma, right?”

He saw the look I gave him and then laughed at me.

“You know I’m just shitting you,” he said.

I tossed a shoe at him. He deftly dodged it, laughing even louder

“Too soon?” He asked as he turned and bounded up the stairs.

It was definitely too soon, but I was really grateful to him for making me feel about 100 times better than I had when I got home that evening. I figured I could forgive him for one joke in poor taste.