Wasp needs food, badly.

Janet's thoughts returned to the topic of breakfast, and after spending a few minutes savoring visions of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and hash browns, she decided that she'd better find herself some food before the rumbling of her stomach set off some sort of Avengers earthquake-alarm. She tumbled out of bed, hopped into the shower, hopped out again, toweled herself dry (with the fluffiest towel she'd ever set hands on outside a hotel), threw on a short little dressing-robe she found in the closet, and stepped out in search of sustenance.

She wandered through the broad halls of Avengers mansion without meeting a soul, which wasn't surprising, considering how vast the place was and how few occupants there were. However, as she approached the kitchen, she could hear clanking and rummaging sounds, suggesting that someone else had decided to raid the Avengers pantry as well. Janet couldn't smell food yet, which meant that she still might wind up doing her share of the cooking, but that was okay; she could make buttered toast like a professional. She stepped through the door, all smiles and greeting. “Good...”

She saw green. A lot of green. Her fellow late breakfaster appeared to be the Hulk.

The first sight of him reminded her just how huge he really was, and her voice died in her throat. His massive shoulders blocked half her view of the kitchen, and it was a big kitchen. His furrowed, stonelike brow would have knocked out the ceiling lights if he stood up just a little straighter. He held the refrigerator door open with one gigantic hand, and she knew that he could tear the door off as easily as she might pluck a tissue paper out of a box. All of this was remarkable enough, but she'd seen it before. What stopped her in her tracks now was the fact that the Hulk was buck naked.

She managed to finish her sentence. “...gracious.”

The Hulk was hung. She'd never really speculated about the details of his nether anatomy before; she'd always seen him more of a **** of nature than an actual person. But her side view of him as he peered into the refrigerator left no doubt about the fact that the circumstances that had magnified his proportions to an enormous scale had not neglected a single portion of his physiology. To be precise, the Hulk was positively in possession of a prodigious penis.

He seemed to take no notice of her arrival. He simply frowned at the refrigerator, and closed the door – gently, for him, but the appliance never the less rocked back a little. “Never anything to eat in this place,” he muttered, in a voice deep enough to make the floor tremble, and he moved his search along to the kitchen cupboards.

The Hulk had turned away a little so that Janet was no longer staring at his cock; instead, she now had an unobstructed view of his muscular ass, which was only slightly less distracting. He must have seen her by now, or at least heard her -- had gamma rays erased his sense of modesty as well? And what was she supposed to do about it? How do you tell the Hulk to put his pants on?

She decided to be open-minded about it. If it didn’t bother him, she wasn’t going to let it bother her. She walked to the refrigerator and opened the door, in the hopes that some morsel that didn’t when the Hulk’s appetite would be suitable for her own breakfast.

The refrigerator was empty, except for a crushed and presumably empty carton of orange juice.

Janet looked over at the Hulk, somewhat taken aback. “This was full last night!”

“I had a midnight snack,” he grumbled, peering in one cupboard door after another.

“You finished off the entire refrigerator for a snack?” she asked, then shut her mouth, a little too late. Way to go, she told herself. You can’t mention the fact that he’s naked, but apparently you can criticize his eating habits.

He didn’t take any offense, to her relief. “No,” he said simply. “Only about half. The rest when I came back at three in the morning. You eat a lot when you’re as big as I am.”

She stared back into the empty refrigerator and let the door swing shut. No omelete for the Wasp today. She looked back across the kitchen at the Hulk. Every door he opened revealed empty shelves. Whoever was buying groceries for the mansion wasn’t keeping up with the Hulk’s appetite. Or was anyone buying groceries? She couldn’t really picture Tony Stark pushing a basket through a supermarket. Maybe he’d forgotten that little detail. And now they were out of food, and the Hulk was hungry...

Inspiration struck, and she took a quick step over to the cupboards. The Hulk had been checking all the high-up shelves, which made sense, given the altitude he occupied. But she hadn’t seen him check any of the shelves under the counter. She ducked down, opened a door -- nothing. She tried the next door, and then the next.

“Jackpot!” she exclaimed. Or, at least, a few dozen cans pushed against the back of the shelf, where a giant green superhero couldn’t easily see them. She knelt down and reached in, pulling out the cans one at a time and setting them on the counter above. “What do we have here … kidney beans … pinto beans … refried beans … plastic explosives … what? Wow, Tony really has to be more careful with his toys.”

She ducked again to reach deep into the cupboard for the last can. A sudden exposed feeling reminder her that she was still just wearing the short little dressing gown, and that kneeling down and bending over had probably not been the most well-advised action. She tugged the hem of the gown down in back, stood up quickly, and set the last can on the counter.

The Hulk had moved closer while she had her head in the cupboard, probably to lay claim to some portion of the last food in the house. He stood two strides away (well, one small step for the Hulk, but two strides for the rest of mankind) regarding her with a frown. Had she offended his sensibilities when her gown had slipped up? If so, he was certainly in no position to find fault, given his current pantless state.

Then she noticed that his cock was now standing straight and erect. And she’d thought he was big before...

His fists were clenched at his side. She thought she could hear the bones of his knuckles creaking. She knew that the Hulk was not famous for his self-restraint. She’d seen what happened when his rage carried him away. What happened when the Hulk got horny?

He made a noise in his throat that sounded like tectonic plates rubbing together. Then he turned away, and started to walk out of the room, toward the opposite door.

The polite, sensible thing for Janet to do would be to keep quiet and forget that this had ever happened. Co-workers were sometimes attracted to one another. But they could be professional about it. It might be a bit awkward at first, but after a while, they could both forget that he’d been staring at her in her dressing gown and wanting very badly to...

“Don’t,” she said.

He stopped, which surprised her. Normally a kind word did nothing to deter him when he had his mind set on something. But he stopped, and remained facing away from her, fists still clenched. “Don’t what?” he growled. “You don’t want me here. I’m a monster. You’ve always thought it, and now you know for sure. I disgust you, and I can see it in your eyes.”

“You didn’t look close enough,” she said, quietly.

He shook a little, as if something had struck him -- something small, like an anti-tank round. He half-turned back to her, and looked at her. She stood at the kitchen counter, meeting his gaze squarely.

A little, Wasp-sized voice in her head shouted: “Janet, what the hell are you doing?”

She told the voice: “Shut up. The Hulk isn’t the only one in this house who’s horny.”

He considered her. Whatever he saw in her face this time didn’t drive him from the room. “It wouldn’t be smart to tease me,” he said. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“I’m not teasing. I’m...”

“And it wouldn’t be smart to encourage me. I’m not … you can see what I am. I’d break you.”

It was true that she was the shortest member of the Avengers, even when she wasn’t the size of an action figure. And given the superhuman size of the Hulk’s member, she couldn’t possibly do anything useful with it without injuring herself.

But then again, she was an Avenger. And like her fellow Avengers, she had a few tricks up her sleeve.