Miseria Cantare

Waking up the next morning in my bed is like waking up from a nightmare. Wait, no. That's stupid. Of course, waking up is like waking up. What I mean is, the world seems a bit brighter, a bit more hopeful... But crushingly real.

I pull myself out of bed and look at the time. 6:30? Am I ill or something? We're still going to school, so it's not like my sleep pattern's out of whack... Who am I kidding? I know exactly why I'm up so early. Fear. Today, I need to talk to Andi and Echo about... Everything. I'm willing to bet, 'Oops, I actually got feelings for both of you' isn't going to be received well. Am I going to screw up their friendship again? I need a drink.

I head downstairs to the kitchen, only to find Mum sat there, clad in a dressing gown, with a cup of tea. "Wow, you're up early, is this a new habit?" She asks.

"Trying not to make it one." I reply, reaching for a glass and pouring water into it. "You're up early too, did you sleep okay?" The funeral was only yesterday, it'd be expected if she was having some trouble adjusting.

"Jet lag, I found Ashley in Bangkok, so I'm in a dozen time zones at once." She explains. Thailand? Wow, no wonder it took her so long, and I thought I was having an adventure here. "Enough about me, how've you been settling in?"

I suppose now's a good a time as any. "Not bad, made some friends, drank a lot, got arrested, I assume Mama filled you in. Hey, so, who's Jenny again?" I ask facetiously. Mum rolls her eyes at my flippant response as I sit down opposite her.

"Which Jenny? My school bully? My sister I never knew I had? The girl I eventually found a way to forgive? Or do you mean the one I let down when she needed me? Don't answer, they're all the same person." Mum answers sarcastically. Yeah, never a good idea to try and match wits with her, she grew up with Rouge and Uncle Jasper. "Our history is complex, we left things in a bad place. I'd have preferred to tell you before you came here, but I wasn't in a fit state."

I think back to how distraught Mum was when she learned about Grandma's ****. I suppose it wouldn't have been a good time to delve into family history. "I did what you told me to. I looked after the girls." I assure her, trying to keep the conversation away from myself.

"You did, never thought I'd hear Poppy has a boyfriend, but then it seems like you're all flourishing here." Mum sighs contently. "Speaking of, I noticed you and the girl next door, anything I should know?"

Damn it, the one question I didn't want. "Oh yeah, slept with her, her dad, the postman, a tree, and the colour purple. Busy times for me." I joke, hoping to deflect the question, but Mum just waits for an actual answer. "It's complicated. We're not together to anything, it's just... There are a lot of factors."

Mum chuckles at my uncertainty. "Yeah, there's always those damn factors." She smirks. "Bit of advice from your old Mum. It's a mantra that's led me true for my entire life. Fuck the factors."

I snort at Mum's sudden outburst. I suppose it's not the worst idea in the world. Just say what I want, it should be easy, right? Super simple. So straightforward.

I'm gonna fucking die.

*

The walk into school is quieter without Marie, but it gives us time to tease Poppy about her upcoming date. She complains, but I think she's enjoying the jokes, it's a new experience for her. We split up and head to our form rooms for attendance, which is where things start to get... Eerie.

"Did you turn down your entire fanbase or something?" I ask Rosie after a few minutes. Usually we're swarmed by hordes of adoring suitors, but today everyone seems to be distracted by something at the front of the classroom.

"As if, besides, turning them down doesn't stop them, they just try again later." Rosie sighs, writing her notes. I can't help but wonder what's causing all the commotion, and leave my desk to investigate.

All the guys seem to be gathered around one table, it's hard to get a clear view, I tap one of the guys on the shoulder, and he turns to face me... Before wearing a terrified look on his face and moving away, grabbing the guy next to him, and so on. That's... Unusual. They're all moving away from me as soon as they see me.

I hear a few words from the crowd, namely 'Ty' and 'gang' amongst the hubbub. Looks like our arrest has been publicised. Oh well, people will get over it, but it gives me a chance to see the subject of everyone's attention.

A girl, a new girl, I'm not good at identifying ethnicities, but she looks East Asian, her brown hair descends neatly to her shoulders, and her lips are pink and pouty. More than anything, though... She looks scared, and unlike everyone else, not of me. I suppose this mobbing is less enjoyable for her than the onlookers.

Well, I can't just sit down again now, can I? I beckon to the girl, who looks around at the crowd, before taking her bag and accompanying me back to mine and Rosie's table. "Found the cause of the commotion, those guys are like magpies." I explain, letting the girl sit at my chair.

Rosie looks up as we arrive, noticing the girl immediately. "Hey, what happened? You okay?" She asks.

"Thanks, I... I guess they're not used to seeing Korean girls." She answers. Korean, well, I had the right area. "There's just so many people to a class here." She adds. True, blame budget cuts. What's noticeable is that her accent isn't as thick as ours, which is odd given we were brought up speaking English mostly.

Rosie groans at our classmates' thoughtlessness. "Yeah, they did that when I moved here too." She growls. "I'm Rosie, this is my brother Rufus, I take it you're new?" There's that maternal nature at work, any lost lambs inevitably end up in Rosie's flock.

"Sora, Choi Sora." She introduces herself. "Yeah, my aunt moved here from Korea, so new school for me." Aunt, huh? Not her parents.

"Well, take it from me, it's not as bad as it seems... Just, maybe carry bug repellent for those insects." Rosie smiles, giving Sora a laugh. All the excitement is enough to almost distract me from my impending confession... Almost.

The bell rings and that's my cue. Free period until break, I need to find them...

I need to tell them.