Painful Goodbyes

The next few days are a lot more quiet than recent events, the only noticeable change being Rouge and Trish moving back to their house, leaving Mama in charge of us. Marie tried to argue that she should stay closer to school, but was eventually overruled. It's weird not seeing her every day, but she's apparently not far off getting her driver's licence, so it won't be long until we can't get rid of her.

Rosie took the opportunity to claim Marie's room, giving her and Poppy some much-needed space, something I think we all needed in the lead up to today. My school uniform looks so much like a suit that wearing a real one barely feels any different to a regular day.

I meet my siblings in the living room, both wearing black dresses, and the worry that's been on all of our minds spills out. "There's no way she'd miss it, not a chance, she worshipped Grandma Dani." Rosie argues.

"But she's not here, if she doesn't get back in time... What on Earth can we do?" Poppy trembles. Today seems harder on her most of all, Poppy so sensitive she can't even watch a horror film, I've no clue how she's going to get through today.

"Then we have plans in place." Comes Mama's voice from the doorway. She's calmed down over the last few days, in no small part due to my hundred or so apologies. "My precious babies, you don't need to worry about things like that, you've done more than enough to help." She coos, approaching us and stroking Poppy's hair gently.

We haven't done that much, made a couple of calls, carried stuff, little things, you know? It's not like we know enough about our grandmother to really contribute to the planning, so bits and pieces are all we can offer.

Mama's going to be in the hearse with Rouge, Trish, and Jenny, so we're getting a lift with Andi... Meaning this is the first time we're meeting her father. I won't lie, it kinda adds to my nerves, given my ambiguous feelings towards her. Still, needs must, and when the knock at the door comes, Andi introduces us.

"Hello children, I'm Maximilian Graham." The older man greets us. His voice is strange, serene, and his weathered face holds a permanent smile. His brown hair extends to his shoulders, and his full bear gives him the look of either an elder statesman or a caveman. This contrasts with his black suit, making me think he's not used to wearing one, I guess he really respected Grandma that much. "I'm so sorry for your loss, and it will be my honour to accompany you to her final resting place."

Okay, hippie, got it. I guess, someone as cheerful as Andi must logically have a pretty relaxed family. My sisters seem unsure what to say in response, so I decide to take the lead. "Hi Mr Graham, thank you for your kindness." I reply. What? For all I know, the guy could be my father-in-law one day, a good impression is important...

*

The church we arrive at is beautifully decorated, and more than that, absolutely packed. My grandmother really seems like she was a pillar of the community. We meet up with Marie and Sienna, and ask them to take an already teary Poppy inside while Rosie and I greet the attendees.

There are so many faces, some older, some younger, some from this town, others from far away. Every single one has a story about Grandma Dani that makes them smile, and each of them shake our hands or offer us hugs. Eventually, Andi and Max (He insisted we call him Max) go to enter the church.

"You know, when Andi's mother passed, Dani came to our home every day. She brought home-cooked meals, or her dog to play with Andi." Max explained. "I once took the opportunity to ask her why she was so kind to us, and you know what she said?"

"Life's better when you stop asking why, and start asking why not?" A familiar voice answers from behind us. Rosie and I both turn in unison to the sight of our mother. I didn't think she'd make it, after the last few weeks, I can't believe she's really here. The surprise is too much for Rosie, who can't hold back her tears as she falls into Mum's arms. "I missed you too, little bun."

I'm frozen in place, I remember feeling so mad about her not being here, about not telling us about Jenny, about so much... But... I just can't feel it anymore, I just feel relief. My body moves by itself and I join Rosie in hugging our mother.

I'm so preoccupied, I don't notice Max and Andi take their leave and move into the church, or the old man standing nearby until a few moments later. As we pull apart, Rosie leads the questioning. "What took you so long?" She asks, only a hint of anger amidst the sound of her joy.

Mum sighs, before summoning the man closer. "I had to find him, not that I wanted to, but Grandma would've wanted him here. Took a long time to track him down." She explains, before introducing him. "This is Ashley Cross. This is your grandfather."

I've only hear fleeting references to Mum's father before now, usually including the phrase 'that bastard.' Maybe he was more impressive back in the day, but his thin grey hair, wrinkled face, and limping walk make him more pitiful than intimidating. He opens his mouth, like he's about to speak, but doesn't get the chance.

"He's only here for the funeral, after that... He knows better than to stick around." Mum states in a mote threatening tone than I've ever heard from her. She really hates this guy. She points him inside, and he goes in without a word. "I'm so sorry I was away for so long, but Grandma always said she'd go to his funeral, or he'd better come to hers... I couldn't let her down."

I have so many more questions, but they'll have to wait. The hearse arrives, and Mum heads down to help carry the coffin. I escort Rosie inside and find Poppy being consoled by Marie and Andi, while Sienna confers with the vicar. I don't recognise the song that plays as the coffin's brought in, but it seems to make Andi smile, maybe an inside joke?

The next hour or so is a celebration of everything Danielle Cray, eulogies from Rouge and Jenny, before Mum finally takes her turn.

"My Mum... Was indescribable. Cunning and formidable... But also compassionate and wise. I remember when I came out to her, she said to me, 'I've never had to be as brave as you right now.' And I believe that, because being brave requires you to be scared. Mum was never scared, never at a loss, never on the back foot. She took everything in stride. When my triplets were born, I was terrified, I thought I'd be bad with one child, let alone three." Mum's self-deprecation earns a laugh from everyone in the audience, except for Poppy, who's crying on Mama's shoulder.

"Mum calmed me down, she looked me in the eyes, and she told me... 'If someone like me can raise three kids to be as perfect as you... The there's no way you'll even struggle.' That's who Mum was, she'd have faith in you, even when you'd lost all faith in yourself. You could never let her down, the only way she'd get angry at you is if you let yourself down..."

I think Mum's more like Grandma than she thinks. Those qualities could easily apply to her too.

"Sorry if I'm rambling, I just... I can't believe this is goodbye. I guess I don't believe it. Not really. I mean, how can this be goodbye when her legacy is all around us? So many people in this room, and so many more that couldn't be here... Her memory is impossible to bid farewell to. But... She'd want us to go on, to move forward, to take what we got from her and keep it going."

Mum's visibly shaken at this point, her voice breaking as she reaches the end of her speech. I think I'm starting to get it now, why so many people cared so much about Grandma Dani. She cared... She felt so much love for everyone. It makes me jealous that I never got to know her, but... More than that, it makes me determined to sort myself out. To be a man she'd be proud of.

"So, I guess all that's left to say is... I love you, Mum. Goodbye."