Questions on day 1.

Entry Diary Alex – Dark Ages day 1 - What does one do in isolation? During the days of corona I had been isolated for six weeks during the first major wave. There was no testing, doctors were too **** or too wise to go on home-visits and as long as I didn’t have major long issues, I had to stay indoors, relying on volunteers to bring me food. But then I was alone, cooped up in a fifty square meters flat of my own, with internet and heating.

All in all, the caves were about fifty square meters, divided in three rooms and a very crooked tunnel connecting them. But I wasn’t on my own. We were with two sections. Minus Didier and Lina who had for some reason opted for a house. Minus Tom who wanted to stay with his girlfriend. So ten people for fifty square meters.

What does one do in isolation? It was the major question we all had. Frustration would soon build up. Stress would follow. I could guess the answer for that problem fairly quickly. We were so used to going outside, living outside, doing our work outside that, although we had planned for it practical wise, we had forgotten we would need to live in very close quarters with each other and stay inside. No more running to blow off steam. No more fishing to ponder the bigger questions of life. No more patrols. No more going to the village to talk to different people than your circle of two small sections. No more going to the other cave to entertain yourself for some time in privacy.

Privacy of thought and body. Free spending of energy. All gone. For at least a week. It would be horrific for those more reserved. It would be extremely stressful for those with too much energy. We were fully prepared for the practical matters, but not for the mental problems that would follow swiftly.

Even after a few hours I saw a rotation of people moving in and out the three rooms. Desperately looking for peace. Or privacy. Or both.

There was no escape. And I was quickly reminded that I was the platoon leader who had to do its utmost best to manage the situation. So I moved Mina our youngest, Ella and Ambra into the smallest room. I moved Emma, the oldest of the squad, Clara and Sophia to the second smallest room. I was to stay with my four girlfriends, but leaving Sophia together with Clara and Emma to keep them company.

But then Sophia requested to stay with me as well, leaving Clara and Emma on their own. I moved Clara and Emma to the smallest room. Moved the ones in the smallest room to the second biggest room. And I had to share a room with all my girlfriends. Which was acceptable for all. Except for me... But being the commander would mean to sacrifice myself. For the good of all. It left the crooked hallway free for private conversations, private releases of energy as long as you agreed with the ones needing it too at the same moment. - End entry.

Thank goodness this crooked hallway is... really crooked, full of little alcoves.

It was met with loud grumbling when I designed it, but perhaps it will save us from complete mental breakdowns. My mental breakdown.

I had to flee from my room. Way too many hints and suggestions. Of the intimate kind. And we were only a few hours inside. How will I cope with all of this? Finally some peace of mind here. Designed to be more or less soundproof, though that wasn’t my intention in the first place.

Hmm... soundproof between rooms... but not... in the hallway itself... Is that...?

I could hear someone. I didn’t know who. Way too dark for that. Moaning and sopping sounds. I knew that sound quite well. I had caused it myself for a quite a few times with others. With me entering I couldn’t ask it to stop. I had to bear it. I had to restrain myself. It was just one woman. Or girl.

Oh no... let it be a woman... No... I don’t want to find out. What if she starts talking to herself?

I entered my room again. Four women looking at me.

Control or be controlled, Alex...

“Right. I needed a moment to think in silence.” I stated.

In silence more or less...

“Look, I know this is not going to be easy. Perhaps I underestimated it a bit. I know you have needs. Needs I cannot fulfil for all of you. So... if you feel the urge... and you have no privacy, please continue as you did before. On your own, or together. You should know I don’t care in the least.” I was looking at Kate and Kylie for the last part of my monologue.

“You know of that?” Kylie asked.

“Of course I know. You did it while I was with you both, the last time even as a kind of show, but you were way too comfortable with each other to not have done it more than once without me, before that show, hot as it was.”

“Oh... And you have no problem with it at all?” Kate asked.

“Of course not. Why should I?” I asked.

“Jealousy?” Kate again.

“Me? Jealous?” I exclaimed. “Look, I know you love me both. You would never do something to hurt me. I know you have feelings for each other. How could you not have feelings for each other? Perhaps I would get jealous if you developed feelings for another guy... although I am not even sure of it... It would be quite hypocritical of me... eh... Fuck...”

“Neither of us four have developed feelings of that kind for another man. But you are correct, I do love Kate too. And Kate loves me too. And we both love you.” Kylie laid the cards on the table.

“And to say we both were afraid to tell you... and you knew all this time...” Kate said. Relieved and anxious at the same time.

“Kate, I can understand the hesitation to tell me. You thought it would hurt me. That in itself is a sign you love me. Even if you would be anxious to tell me you had to leave me, I would understand you still loved me. It would hurt me if you would leave me, but I would understand. If that makes any sense...”

“But I don’t want to leave you! No one of us four want to! Why would you think that of us?”

“Kate, Kylie said so many times I am a very special man, it is the reason I have four girlfriends. It feels really good to hear it, but I don’t feel special. Far from it.”

“You think we will change our mind once all this is over.” Kara said.

“Trust me, I love you all very much. But at times I cannot believe my own luck in having found all of you bound to me in love. My past life was not filled with luck and happiness. Like Ambra or perhaps like all of us, I have difficulties to separate the world before and the world now. I need to have hope this world will end and we can return to the world before. But at the same time...”

“You don’t want this upside down world to end, because it brought you happiness. And when we return to the previous world, the one before the war, we might doubt our feelings again.” Kylie concluded.

“Is it not reasonable to think that could happen?” I asked.

A long silence followed that question of mine. Kate was the one to answer it.

“The fact is that you are a special man, it is only the changing of the world that made it to be revealed to all of us. It cannot be unseen. So I don’t think we will doubt our feelings for you, even if world turns right again. But I can understand your reasoning, Alex. Your fears are not unlike many of our own fears. A lot has changed for the better too. Me loving you is one of them. Me loving Kate at the same time, is another. Us loving you. You loving us all. And we all had our doubts it would remain so. But not for the reason you are stating. What you did, cannot be unseen. What you are, cannot be forgotten.”

“So you are stuck with us.” Kara concluded, smiling.

“If you want us...” Kate said. Still some fear left on her face.

“Of course I do. I would be very stupid not to.” I said casually, but with a bright smile afterwards.