FK Day 11 - Put it back

“This doesn’t belong to us,” you say, throwing the stuff back into the building without messing with it.

“An American with integrity?” Elena looks smug and cocky. You don’t care. You still find her attractive.

You all look up as raindrops start falling on the trees and the building.

You’d better get back. You hurry through the woods and take shelter in the dining hall, drinking hot tea. Now that you’re all wet, it’s suddenly kind of chilly.

It’s not… terrible being here. This camp has some cozy, old-fashioned vibes that you enjoy. It’s peaceful after the bustle of FUTA. The dining hall is empty except for the three of you, and Viti, who is reading a book.

Most of the girls are probably lazing around in bed, and you don’t blame them. The rain makes it hard to do much of anything.

“You aren’t the right type for what you’re doing,” Elena tells you suddenly, steam wafting from her mug.

“Excuse me?” you say.

“Look at her,” she replies, her eyes on Julieta, who sits there with her tea in her hands, watching the two of you, mostly uncomprehending because she’s as bad at English as you are at French. “What is she worried about?”

“Worried? She’s not worried,” you say. Julieta looks perfectly happy to be here with you, even if she doesn’t know what’s being said.

“Exactly,” Elena says. “Not like you. You sit there and worry. You worry about people and relationships. You wonder what you’re doing with me. What you’re doing with her. What you’re doing with Amelie. You’re uncomfortable because there’s no label for it.”

You are taken aback. You aren’t sure what to say.

“You worry that you’re an imposter,” she says.

“Imposter?”

“You like women. Do you like being submissive, or do you just want the touch of a woman?” Elena shrugs. “You don’t know. But you’re afraid it’s the second one.”

“What is your deal?” you ask, annoyed. You aren’t sure what bothers you more… what Elena is saying, or that she is saying it. After all, she’s a tall, muscle-bound goddess from Africa. It must be some kind of bias on your part, but you didn’t expect her to suddenly start psychoanalyzing you.

“You were even afraid of a puzzle box,” she says.

“I’m getting kind of offended.”

“OK,” Elena says.

For a minute, you listen to the rain on the building.

“Where are you going with this?” you ask. Then you look at Julieta, who just looks curious. She’s so secure in herself, and Amelie… obviously likes her. What makes her so different from you? Why aren’t you like her? You’re different people, but it’s not just that.

Elena is being rude, but she’s not wrong. What are you to Amelie? What’s she to you? What about Julieta?

“That,” Elena says, pointing at you. “That’s your problem.”

“What?”

“Worrying. That’s the difference between you and her. She just does what feels good.”

Is it really that simple? That’s Julieta’s secret to being a teasing little sex goddess with a perfect life. Wait a minute, what makes her life perfect? That she has someone like Amelie?

You glare at Elena. “We were having a nice day,” you say to her. “Why’d you bring this up?”

“Fear isn’t attractive,” she replies. “You didn’t have time for fear during the week. Now that things have slowed down, you do. You have confidence. Because you have no clarity about what you want.”

“You think I’m a pussy because I didn’t mess with that box?” you ask.

“I think you’re a pussy because you have an insatiable need for release and you haven’t suggested anything horny yet,” Elena says, smiling at you across the table.

“Oh, you’re just being horny and you want me to be the one to say it. Well, I’m not horny now. Now I’m all thinking about is that everyone thinks I’m super insecure. Way to go,” you say.

“You are insecure. And contrary,” she says.

“Am not,” you reply nervously.

Hmm… Elena dominating your brain is not as fun as her dominating your body.

Julieta is getting up and leaving. “Wait,” you say, but she doesn’t speak English. You are confused, and don’t know what to do.

“I had fun last night,” Elena says.

You open your mouth, but she’s getting up too. You watch her follow Julieta out.

Oh, man. You really are insecure. You better figure some things out quick. You fell ass-backwards into whatever you have going on with these women, and you have to figure out how to not… fall ass-backwards out of it.