Game On

About a half-hour later, the back door to my apartment opened. Alexis didn’t make eye contact as she entered. I said nothing as she moved over to the couch and sunk into the cushion beside me. This was a different look for her. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail instead of hanging free over her shoulders. The most surprising was her outfit. Sweats and a loose t-shirt of her favorite fighting game she constantly beat me in. I think this was the first time I’d seen her in sweats and certainly the first time I’d seen her in an outfit that wasn’t overtly sexual.

“It going to be okay leaving those two alone?”

“Victoria is my best friend and Ezra is her boyfriend.” From her noise, I could get the feeling she trusted them completely. “Not the first time I’ve left them alone,” she whispered.

I continued to observe her. There was still a bit of red puffiness to her eyes and she wasn’t wearing makeup. I almost asked if she was okay, but I held back. The sadness was still there, but also a determination. Pulling her legs to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them as she leaned against the arm of the couch.

“Jake?” she asked softly. Her eyes stared forward toward the TV and not me.

“Yeah?”

“If… If you weren’t dating Chloe…” I said nothing, waiting for her to finish. Determination built as well as fear when her eyes finally moved over to me. “Would I have had a shot?”

I opened my mouth to answer only to hesitate. My initial answer of ‘yes’ didn’t seem right. Taking a moment, I focused on the question. She wasn’t asking if I would date her—not in the traditional way. Alexis was someone who wanted an open relationship. Her sleeping with other people didn’t bother me. If it did, I wouldn’t be with Chloe. Drilling down deep into the question, I found my hangup to be on my role in this hypothetical relationship. Joining Alexis in her antics didn’t sit right with me. The reason why I was so comfortable with Alexis was because I was familiar with her noise. It wasn’t the calm presence that Chloe or Sophie elicited from me, but its familiarity was warm and welcoming—just as Natalie’s was. It was different with other women.

Victoria was a perfect example. She was gorgeous. As close to physical perfection as I had ever seen. Yet her noise grated against my mind in a way the others didn’t. She seemed friendly enough and I’m sure repeated exposure over time would help with that, but that wasn’t the nature of what Alexis wanted. She was a girl of the moment. Most of the people she slept with were a one-off situation or a spur-of-the-moment whim. The idea of being with a woman whose noise I was unfamiliar with didn’t feel right. Even if she brought another guy to our bed, it would still be the same thing. A new noise. A foreign noise. It all came down to me seeing the world differently than she did. A pretty face and good body was enough for her. For me, it was about something invisible to the wider world.

“I… don’t know.” Her head fell, as crestfallen as her noise. “But I would have tried.”

She nodded, not looking at me. Her sullen nature had deepened since she arrived. Fists clenching, I knew I couldn’t stand to see her like this. “My Gift… makes that sort of lifestyle difficult.”

Eyes wide, her head shot up. Interest and curiosity danced in her noise, temporarily sweeping away her sadness. I looked forward, wondering how far I should go. Speaking about my Gift was difficult. There would be no hiding from the reaction. This wasn’t something they could smile and say was okay. I would see their true feelings. I knew I would tell Chloe eventually when we had spent more time getting to know one another. As for Alexis…

I made my decision. “Part of my Gift numbs emotions. They are still there and I can understand them, but they don’t drive me like most people.”

“That… explains a lot, actually,” she said as her arms tightened around her legs. A small smile formed. “Not going to lie, there were a few times I wondered if you were gay or not interested in sex in general.”

“I am interested, but there isn’t a lot of drive there. You are the only one who has consistently gotten close to arousing me.”

“I have that effect on men.” Her smile didn’t last long. “Not that it mattered in the end,” she muttered.

Taking a deep breath, I turned my head and looked at her. “That is only a part of my Gift though. The real aspect is that it allows me to… see… emotions.” I continued before she could respond. “It is hard to describe it. How does one describe colors to a blind person? It is like a… noise. It radiates from everyone at all times. I pick it up and if I focus, I can get a general sense of how someone is feeling.”

She was silent. Her noise was contemplative and grateful. There was an understanding there about how private Gifts could be and that by sharing with her, I was trusting her with something important. “So you can read thoughts?”

I shook my head. “It’s not that accurate. I can usually piece together something close based on the emotions they are feeling, but I can’t read thoughts.”

“So this entire time, you’ve known how I’ve felt about you,” she said quietly.

“In a manner of speaking.”

“And you did nothing?”

“Nothing you weren’t comfortable with. Whenever I got close, you seemed to pull away emotionally.”

She looked away, hurt and dejected. “I get it. I was always worried that once you saw the real me…” She let out a breath, stretching her legs out. “Thank you. For telling me.”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever told—beside Sophie.” I studied her noise for signs of… something. Rejection or disgust. Fear. Yet her noise was free of that. If anything, she was feeling touched and grateful. I had shared one of my closest held secrets with her and she had accepted it.

“You reading my… noise was it?” I blinked as I focused on her. She grinned. “You do this thing where you kinda unfocus your eyes when you look at me. Never understood why until now.”

“I didn’t realize that.” So there was a tell when I was looking at people’s noise? I never considered that.

“What am I feeling?”

“Grateful, thoughtful, and welcoming are the main emotions I see right now besides the curiosity that came when you asked the question. There is an undertone of aching and heartbroken in the background.”

“I was rejected by my crush. Cut me some slack.” Before I could say anything else, she leaned forward and grabbed a controller off the table before tossing it at me. I reacted by snatching it before it hit my chest. “You can make it up to me by at least making me work for my wins.”

“Still unfair since you play when I’m at school.”

“Hush. I haven’t played in two weeks and I’m emotionally wounded. You might actually stand a chance today.” Her laugh suggested otherwise as she got up to turn the system on.

A few rounds and things were back to normal. Not exactly. That was impossible. It was different but familiar. Alexis was having fun beating my ass and her noise showed that she was having a good time. Things wouldn’t be the same going forward, but we would still have each other.