Outside of lust

Tuesday passed much as Monday did. This time she got him to fuck her ass. It was great. She came a lot. The same was true of all the other times they did it. Wednesday was much the same. When they were having sex Helen could think of no place she would rather be. She was, however, getting a little bored of sitting around the flat all day so after their morning fun she said, “Darren, let’s go out.”

Darren looked up from his phone. “Do we need groceries or something?”

Helen was surprised by the question. “No, I just thought we could go out. You know, maybe go to a cafe or walk around the park.”

“It’s freezing out and I don’t really want to waste money at a cafe right now. Once I move home I’m not going to have a paycheck for a month or two. Got to be responsible with my money.” He smiled at her like she should be impressed by his wisdom.

They didn’t go out and Helen realised that she would probably not get to go out tomorrow unless she planned something. Kat had told her that she was going away with Max so she was out of the picture. That only really left Maisy. It felt a little awkward asking to meet up with her. She felt like it might seem like some kind of failing.

She realised she was being silly and that those feelings were in her own head. She gave Maisy a call. “Hey babes, how’s it going?” Maisy answered. Helen could hear the wind so she was clearly outside.

“Hi, where are you?” Helen asked.

“We are at the seaside. We’re walking on the beach.”

We? “Are you with Mike?”

“Of course. He was getting a bit low with you staying at Darren’s so I suggested we do something to distract him so we took a trip. It’s cold and windy but the sea is beautiful. Most of the attractions are closed because it’s out of season but it’s really quiet and we are eating some great seafood.”

Helen’s heart ached. On so many levels she was upset. It should be her on that beach with Mike. Maisy was acting as his wife. Her best friend was not around when she needed her. They were having a good time. She couldn’t express any of those things. “Oh, that’s a shame. I was going to see if you wanted to go out with me.”

“I’d love to babes. We will be back by the weekend. Maybe we could do something Saturday?”

“Yeah, let’s pencil it in.”

“Okay, see you soon, bye,” said Maisy cheerfully.

Helen cancelled the call. She went into the bedroom and changed into her exercise gear. “I’m going for a run,” she told Darren.

“What about lunch?” he asked.

“I’m not hungry, can you look after yourself?”

“Aww but you are such a good cook. You’ve spoiled me. Can you whip something up before you go?”

She did. She wasn’t sure why she did but she did. She handed him his food and he playfully smacked her on the behind as she turned to go. For the first time, he had touched her and it wasn’t welcome. She said nothing and started her run.

The air was cold but the sun was bright and soon she warmed up. Her mind was racing. Different emotions ran through her so she ran harder, seeking the estate of zen that exercise could provide. She ran hard, her breathing became strained and the taste of iron was in her mouth but still, she couldn’t escape her feelings. She pushed herself, she was almost sprinting until she came upon a quiet bench in the park. She knew she was alone so she stopped and immediately threw up.

She crouched down beside the bench, one arm resting on it and began to cry. Her sobs fighting with her hard breathing for control of her body. Her sobs turned to anger and she thrashed around the small clearing throwing a tantrum that nobody could see. Eventually, it passed and she flopped down on the bench feeling numb. Her mind was finally clear.

Her sweat covered body in the cold winter air was beginning to sap the heat from her so she got up and began to run again but at a more steady pace. She wasn’t sure of how she felt about Maisy and Mike but she knew that she didn’t want to go back to the flat. It was only out of a sense of manners that she would go back and tell him. She thought of the words she had said to him at his request. Nausea returned to her stomach. She had been willing to play his little game because it sounded like naughty fun. Now it felt like a betrayal to herself. She betrayed her own feelings and she betrayed her husband and getting swept up in her own pleasure may just have lost not only him but her best friend.

She walked in and confronted Darren, still in the same position she had left him. “I’m going home,” she said as she stood in front of him.

“What?” he asked, standing up.

“I’m going home, Darren.”

“You said you’d stay the week. You said you’d give me a chance.”

“I think I’ve seen enough to know it’s not going to work.”

Darren came in close and pulled her towards him and kissed her. She resisted but he was bigger and stronger than she was. He stuck his hand between her legs and started to rub her pussy through her lycra shorts. Her body responded. She was weak to sexual stimulation and he knew that. “Darren, stop. I said I’m going,” she protested as she tried to remove his hand.

“One more time,” he said forcefully. “One more time and you’ll see.”

“Will you let me go if say yes?”

“Fuck, fine. If you still want to go I won’t stop you but you’ll see you are better off with me.”

“Okay,” she said taking his face in her hands. “But be more gentle okay?”

Darren’s anger visibly faded from his face. “Okay,” he said and pulled down her shorts to give him better access to her slit. He slipped his fingers between the folds of her pussy and began to stroke her. “Does it feel good?”

Darren was, as Maisy had said, a skilful lover. It did feel good. “Yes, thank you for being gentler.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Come here.” He pulled her into a kiss and she reciprocated as she had done every time before. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. She stripped her of her shorts and she pulled off her top. He got undressed and positioned him between her legs. “Say the words.”

“I love you,” she replied with a sentimental look on her face. He slid his cock inside her again. It felt good, it always did. He proceeded to make love to her. He was tender and intimate in his movements. Helen came expressing her love for him as she had done before. It lasted a good long while and she came multiple times each one filled with words of love. More words that she had expressed before. She was effusive about how much she loved him.

Eventually, he came and she looked up at him and stroked his face. “Does that feel better?” she asked.

“Yeah, that was great. So you’ll stop this stupid idea of going home then?”

“No, I’m still going.”

“But all those things you said?”

“Words. I got used to saying them. I can say them now even. You are the most incredible man, I love you so much. I’ve never felt this way about a man before.” She sounded convincing. “Repetition made them easy to say. It didn’t make them true.”

Darren pulled out of her and sat on the edge of the bed, put his head in his hands and cried. She sat up and wrapped herself around him. “It’s okay to be sad.”

“Maisy left and I thought that you, that we had something.”

Helen kissed him on the cheek. “We had something but it wasn’t love, at least not from my end. I’m not even sure you really love me or if you are just a bit infatuated.”

“I do love you, I do,” he protested.

“Then I’m sorry to have hurt you.” She stood up and began to dress.

Darren stood up and held onto her and tried to kiss her. “Don’t go.”

“Darren, let go of me. I let earlier slide. Don’t make yourself a **** just because you are upset.”

Her words were harsh and Darren was jolted to his senses by them. He looked shocked for a moment and then walked out of the room.

Helen took a moment to gather herself. She had been frightened for a moment. She gathered what clothes she could find scattered around the bedroom and stuffed them into the bag she had brought with her.

As she left the bedroom she found Darren on the sofa. He glanced at her and then looked away. He looked sad and ashamed. Good, she thought. At least he has the decency to be ashamed. There was hope for him.

She went to the door and looked back at him. She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything. She closed the door behind her and went to her car. She drove home and opened the front door. “I’m back,” she called out but she knew nobody was there.

The winter sky had turned dark but she didn’t turn on the light. She dumped her bag, sat on the sofa and began to cry.