Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

"Hey Ives, check this shit out!"

Harley Quinn hurled a rucksack over her head with both hands, flinging it into the room. A loud crash resounded through Poison Ivy's apartment, followed by the tinkles and bumps of rolling gems and artifacts.

Poison Ivy kept tending to her newest flowers across the room, her back to the commotion. "Jesus, babe, you don't have to make a fucking mess."

Harley vaulted a sofa with a flip and a dextrous spin, sprung off a planter with her hands, and landed next to Ivy. "Aw, c'mon, y’know I'm just excited about our loot!" She planted a big, sloppy kiss on Ivy's cheek, then said, "Whaddaya think about my lil' caper now, huh?"

Ivy rolled her eyes, one hand continuing to test the flowers’ chemical compositions while her other arm snaked around Harley's waist. She said, "Fine Harls, I guess your plan wasn't completely fucked-up. But what's with all this other shit? To my eye, there’s more here than a diamond. A lot more."

Spinning out of Ivy's grasp, Harley gestured to the nothing on the ceiling and said, "It was just so easy, babe. You can't expect me to not smash and grab shit if it's just right there! Otherwise... otherwise... what's even the point of this?" With that, Harley waved her bat in the air, one hand cocked on her hip.

"As if I know." Poison Ivy sighed, finally setting down her plants and turning to face Harley. Her unbuttoned leafy lab coat breezed open. Harley froze for all of a second, her eyes locked on Ivy's prodigious bust locked in a skimpy silk bra. Ivy groaned, then snapped her fingers and said, "HEY! Earth to Harley! I ask again: what the fuck is all of this, and what am I supposed to do with it?"

Harley shrugged, wanderlust fruitlessly guiding her eyes around the room. She said, "I dunno, sell it or use it or somethin'." The loveseat creaked slightly when Harley jumped onto it from across the room. She immediately slammed her bat into into the backrest and muttered, "Stupid couch, I'm not that heavy."

"Do you even know what you stole?"

"Yes-sire, I totally do!" Harley's hands planted on the back of the couch behind her head. Her pale arms tensed, and her weight was quickly propelled backwards into a backflip, her feet flying above her head. In the air, she pirouetted, and Ivy saw most of the pale boobs tucked in her small crop top.

After landing next to Ivy, Harley darted to a science-fictiony, plastic-looking gun lying between a sapphire and a small belt. "Like this was behind some super-secret doors, so I just know it'll come in handy!"

"So you have no idea what it actually is. Or does."

"Nope! Guess not, but it'll probly do somethin' really good, like explode heads or insaneify brains or dissolve clothes!" Without breaking eye-contact, Harley slipped the small gun into her red boots.

"You just want to see Selina's boobs again."

Harley playfully swatted Ivy's ass. While glancing at the jiggling green globes, she said, "Is that so bad? They were so perky."

Ivy nudged Harley's elbow with her own and said, "Yeah, they were pretty hot."

"Yeah…” A wistful expression settled on Harley’s face, and she relaxed into her girlfriend’s side for a moment. Suddenly, her brow knitted. She took a step back and said, “Wait a fuckin’ minute! Say they ain't better than mine!"

After crouching almost imperceptibly, Harley sprung from the ground and shoved her bust into Ivy's face. Her legs wrapped around Ivy's torso, and her hands shoved Ivy's face deeper into her cleavage. "C'mon babe, say it!"

"Mmph!" Fruitlessly, Ivy staggered backwards, pushing at Harley's body. Eventually, she planted her feet and leaned in, then gave Harley a kiss on her right tit.

As soon as Ivy lightly sucked on the fleshy globe, Harley giggled and said, "Mmm, knew ya liked ‘em!" Still laughing and with her legs wrapped around Ivy’s torso, she let go of the head in her clutches.

Freed from her lover’s busty prison, Ivy secured her strong arms around the waist on her lower stomach, her forearms pushing into Harley’s strong, thick thighs. She said, “Who wouldn’t? Shit, I mean-”

“Can’t take it back! Ya love the girls, even more than Selina’s!”

“Well, I didn’t say that, did I?”

Harley’s face chilled into an innocent mask. “What was that, Ives?” The high-tech gun with unknown properties tapped against the green woman’s exposed side, between the lab coat and her own flesh.

Shuddering at the smile planted on Harley’s face, Ivy said, “It was just a fucking joke babe! Christ!”

“Fuckin’ thought so.”

Harley slowly leaned back, her legs secured around her lover, until her hands planted on the ground. Upside-down, she gently swayed her torso, hoping to keep Ivy’s eyes locked on her stretched out, flexible form. After a few seconds, she leaned her weight back, sending one leg after the other slowly over her head before springing back and twisting to her feet.

Straightening out her coat, Ivy cleared her throat and said, “Sooo. Back to this shit, I guess.” She sighed and gestured ineffectually at the garbage and priceless artifacts littering her floor. “What do you want to- HARLS!”

“Yep?”

“Why the FUCK are you on my coffee table?”

Harley had already moved on from Ivy's kiss. And her responsibilities, apparently. She was crouched in an attack stance, new gun pointed at a wall. At Ivy's prompting, she stood up slowly, then gestured with her gun-toting hand and said, “Oh, y’know, I was just, uh…”

“You know what… just, never mind. Don’t break my shit.”

“Got it!” Harley gave a salute, then turned away, drawing the weapon.

While Harley pointed the gun at imaginary foes, leapt around the room, and made mouth gun noises, Ivy rubbed her temples and stared at the stuff on her floor. Under her breath, she said, "Okay, okay. This is fine. We can still sell the diamond, maybe throw in some of these other gems. Yeah, no problem."

The tech could be a problem though. Or a huge boon.

She looked up and called out to Harley, who was hanging from a ceiling fan by her bare feet with the gun pointed at the TV. "Babe, you checked out the electronics, right? No trackers?"

"Geez, this isn't my first rodeo Ives. It's all clean. I think. Unless this shit’s more fancy nowadays. That'd be so excitin'!"

Bored, Harley dropped the gun and swung back to the couch. It landed with a BANG, and Poison Ivy instinctively erected a barrier of vines while jumping for cover. The gun whirred as a blue beam of light particles shot across the floor. Ivy could feel her vines morph, somehow, where the beam hit, and her new plants against the back wall seemed to get a similar treatment. It was hard for her to pinpoint the actual changes in the moment, though.

Still tense and on alert, Ivy rubbed her forehead with her palm, closing her eyes. Through gritted teeth she said, "Seriously? You could've fucking killed me!"

Harley looked over her shoulder with a shrug. "Sorry babe! I didn't mean to embarrass ya!"

"What the hell do you mean?"

"What? Oh, you're not some square, are ya? C'mon, it's not like something like that could catch ya by surprise! And if it did..." Harley stood on the couch, her hands flying to her cheeks as she adopted an expression of mock horror. "It'd be a hell of an egg on ya face! If ya got hit and weren't, y'know, dead."

"Fuck... whatever. It did something to my plants."

"Well, maybe ya shouldn't use your oh-so-beloved plants as your fuckin' shields then!"

Ivy sighed and ran a hand through her red, luscious hair. "Fine, just let me, like, figure out what the fuck you did to them. Then you are going to help me deal with all of your shit."

Plopping down on the couch, Harley called out over her shoulder, "It ain't my fault! Don't try to pin this on me, copper!"

Evaluating her plants was momentarily forgotten. Poison Ivy turned on Harley, and vines shot out of the planters on either side of the couch. In moments they wrapped around the white clown's lower body, then raised her into the air, squirming and upside down.

Harley's hands reached for the vines, but more shot out and wrapped around her arms, holding them outstretched to her side. Her pink and blue pigtails framed the sides of her maniacally grinning face. She said, "Oooh, kinky! Y'know, nothin' gets me in the mood like a good heist! An’ smashin' all those, those, lousy cops was just so fun! Ya gonna have your fun with me now?"

"No!" Groaning, Ivy turned around, her head in her hands, and looked at the mess on the floor. The gems faintly sparkling in the ambient light. Unknown tech in the form of guns and belts. Vials of misty chemicals sitting atop paintings and artifacts from forgotten ages. Literal trash mixed with splinters and money. She said, "Some of this couldn't have been at the museum. What happened?"

"Oh... yeah. I kinda grabbed some shit in the warehouse."

"What warehouse?"

"I dunno, it was like, Wayne or Aces or Acme or somethin', it's not like I was checkin’."

Ivy idly bent over to pick up a ruby and an old, battered, oily lamp. "So, I take it this," she said, holding up the ruby while staring at Harley, "is from the museum." Switching to holding up the lamp, she said, "Whereas this garbage is from the warehouse."

"Probly?" The vines tightened slightly, and Harley's eyes shot open. "Um, um, um... yes! I think. Most of the techie things were from there, too. In crates and behind secret doors. Oh! The lamp was in a safe with a borin’ ol' document! I don't know, somethin' about wishing and rules and yadayadayada."

"Fuck. Okay. Let me get this straight. You took too much time and got caught, then had to lose the police. On your detour, you channeled your inner kleptomaniac and grabbed any shiny bauble your eye happened to land on. Annoying, but we can work with that." Ivy paced the room, her arms held tight around her stomach. She paused, registering what Harley said last. "Wait, so what, you're trying to tell me this is a genie's lamp? I get to wish for an end to environmental terrorism? Nice try, but I’m not gonna bite."

"Ives, I don’t wanna burst ya bubble or nuthin’, but ya are an ecoterrorist! Maybe don't wish for an end to yourself, jus' sayin'."

"Yeah, I am an ecoterrorist! Because I'm trying to save the green! The environmental terrorists are, are... they're fucking terrorizing it!"

Harley let out a long, crazy laugh, shortened by the tightness of the vines against her diaphragm. The lamp bounced up and down, tossed absentmindedly in one of Ivy’s hands. She said, "Oh, I see. You're just trying to fuckin’ wind me up! Right?"

"Maaaaybe, oh sacred protector of tha green." Harley grinned, eyes locked on Ivy's chest. Her hips worked against the vines with minute movements as her face flushed.

Ivy muttered, “Knew I made that distinction clear enough…”

"Ooh ooh ooh! Also, a genie would be so fuckin' cool! I didn't even think a that! Rub it, rub it out! Make it come for ya!"

Ivy practically facepalmed. "Jesus, really babe? Not your best work. I know heists and bondage and all this shit gets to you, but seriously, how muddled are you??? Do you have to get so weird so fast?"

Harley smiled, seemingly pleased with herself. “Y’know I’m plenty ‘muddled’ already, babe.”

“Don’t remind me.” With that, Ivy walked over to Harley. The vines lifted her girlfriend until they were face to face. Smirking, Ivy rubbed the cool, dirty lamp against Harley’s cheek, then tossed it over her shoulder.

Neither Harley nor Ivy noticed the purple smoke billowing out from the lamp behind them, molding itself into the form of a beautiful woman. They were too enraptured with the other’s eyes. And the other’s bodies.

For a moment, Ivy allowed herself to drink in her girlfriend’s form. Despite herself, she was starting to find Harley's predicament a little arousing. Not that she had intended it to go this way. She had just wanted some damn answers out of Harley so she could plan what to do with Harley's shit! Ivy knew she should've expected it to come to this, what with Harley's usual response to successful robberies.

Besides, sometimes frustration is a dish best served hot.

Her eyes roamed over her girlfriend's exposed body, taking in her increasingly wriggling torso jiggling slightly in her constraints. The vines held Harley in place, but they only covered small bits of the woman. Harley's taught, muscular belly undulated in Ivy's face, making her green face take on a yellow shade. Red, black, pink, and blue dominated the outfit Harley wore, if it could be called an outfit. Really, it was multicolored spandex booty shorts and a skintight top that barely covered half her tits.

Ivy groaned, rubbing her collar. "Fuck it."

She lifted Harley to eye-level again. The distance closed between them as Ivy took two sultry steps forward, each foot crossing over the other once. She leaned in, tilted her head, and pressed her soft lips against Harley’s red-painted pillows. As their kiss deepened, Ivy found her hands reaching up above her head, roaming over her girlfriend’s upside-down body even as Harley reached down to fondle Ivy’s tits.

They each moaned into the kiss, their tongues dancing together in one mouth and then the other. Vines that Ivy could practically feel tightened and relaxed against Harley’s thighs and chest. Breathless, the two pulled back from their kiss, smoldering blue eyes locked on smoldering green eyes.

Harley smiled and said, “Ya ain’t mad?”

While shirking her coat, Ivy said, “Nah, it seems like you got a good haul. We'll be talking later though, to figure out next steps. And you will focus. Okay?”

Harley nodded, grinning. It looked a little ridiculous, given the way that her pigtails bobbed below her head in this position.

“Good.” Ivy’s tongue briefly darted out, wetting her lips. “Then for now… this.” She leaned forwards yet again, pent up desires bubbling beneath the surface of her chest. Hungry, she pushed her lips into Harley’s, cupping her face with two hands.

For her part, Harley returned the favor enthusiastically, struggling against her restraints in order to better kiss her lover. They kissed repeatedly, sometimes with fast, needy, pecks, sometimes with a deliberate, sensual restraint.

Ivy broke their kiss and stood, ready to move things along. Just as she was about to decide whether she wanted to use her vines to tie herself upside-down with Harley or move things to the bedroom, a husky voice sounded out from behind her.

“Oh, bravo, brava!” Clapping sounded from all around the room while an impossibly voluptuous woman advanced on Ivy and Harley. “You two are going to be delightful! So. Much. Fun!”