Picking apart the heart

I placed my head against the door, my hand still on the handle. "Liam?", I sort of whispered, my voice trembling a little.

He must have picked up the frailty in my voice, because he immediately asked, "Olivia? Are you okay?" At that moment, I fought hard to resist the urge of opening the damn door and throwing myself in his arms.

"I- I won't be able to come with you tonight. I'm sorry... ", I replied feebly.

"Did something happen?", Liam asked, his voice full of concern.

"It's complicated... I'm sorry, I need some time alone... ", I whispered weakly. I wasn't sure myself why I was turning him away. Was it the guilt that I felt towards Jina because of the awful words I said to her earlier? Did her words simply manage to sway me? Or was I inwardly doubting Liam myself, as much as I didn't want to admit it? In any case, it seemed that I had decided not to meet him in the end.

"Okay...", he mumbled back, the deception in his voice evident. A slight crumpling noise followed. Had he bought me a bouquet of flowers? I was slowly starting to regret my decision. "If ever you need someone to talk, just give me a call and I'll come back straight away", he added before his footsteps could be heard leaving.

I crumbled on the floor right there against the door, the bitterness of the situation causing more tears to flow. Had I made the right choice? Had I made the wrong? I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't even want to think anymore.

-

That whole night, I waited for a call, a text, a sign from my blackmailer to reassure me that I had made the right decision. That Jina's intuition was right. That Liam was indeed the one doing it. That, vexed at being rejected at the last moment, he'd seek **** as my blackmailer.

But with every passing second, my heart felt tighter and tighter with guilt and regret of turning Liam away at the last moment. On the other hand, the hate I felt for Jina was steadily rising, so much so that I had to delete her number before I sent her another expletive-ladden text.

In the end, the blackmailer never contacted me. Jina was wrong. Liam was unfairly suspected, and I had no way to make up for it, at least in the immediate future. I was angry with my blackmailer. I was angry with Jina. But most of all, I was angry with myself.

How could I have doubted Liam, who had showed nothing but care for me since the first time we talked? I hit my forehead with my own fist, ruing myself for my own stupidity. "What did I do to deserve all of that?", I thought to myself.

That morning, I went to sleep at 6, feeling awful and bitter about the choice I made, knowing full well that the day was about to get worse in a few hours. Today, there was no nice date to look forward to. There would only be pain and humiliation when I'd get handcuffed in this very same bed, forcefully used by the bastard who was still on the loose, and whose identity was still very much a mystery to me.