Perfectly fine, but really angry

You don't have long to get your bearings before being shoved off by your assailant. You turn around to see her do a back flip onto her feet, and spit out your genitals into her hand while shooting a glare at you. "You coward! Is this your idea of a joke!?" she yells, waving your penis around in the air wildly. You are really scared right now, you have no idea how it got off your body. "I just wanted to escape! I have no idea what is going on!" you desperately yell back, otherwise frozen in place. You can't run while something that important is in enemy hands, but this girl is actually kinda scary.

Her eyes narrow towards you, and she holds her arms (and thus your penis) behind her back. A tense moment passes, and she gives you a sly, knowing smile. "AH!" you can't help but yelp, as you feel a sudden painful pinch in your balls. The smile on the mercenary's face lights up with joy and devious intent. "Do what I say, or your bell tower gets demolished." she says, idly playing with her new toy in a very rough manner with her spiked gauntlets...

...A small town is in sight after a grueling three day journey of testicular ****. You march behind your captor, hands bound to a rope held in her left hand, leading you along. In her right hand is your penis, as it has almost always been for these past few days. She playfully stabs and scratches at your member as you walk, you have no idea if she will give it back when she turns you in, or if she has decided to make it hers. In a way that would be comforting, at least some part of you would be free. Not that you intend to just let this happen of course, you were just hoping it wouldn't come to this. Even though most of your worldly possessions are in a belt currently held by Táozi (your captor's name), there is one thing still on you, or rather IN you.

"Mistress?" you mumble "I need to relieve myself." Not particularly wanting to come near you while you poop, and sure that you will come back for your important bits Táozi releases you. It doesn't take long for an escape artist like you to get out of your bonds, and access your 'secret stash of tools', that woman may be strong, but you have alchemical sleep grenades stored in your anus. Yes, really.

With expert stealth you get above her, and throw the flasks. She looks up as they fall, and catches them expertly in one hand, as you expected from a martial artist of her caliber. Unfortunately for her, they weren't impact release, they were timed detonation. A few minutes later the fog clears and she is out cold, you grab your penis and equipment, luckily the former reattaches to your crotch, and the later hasn't been messed with. You decide the nearby town would be a good place to get your bearings, since you are here already. The problem is that Táozi may follow you in. Luckily, there is an easy and cathartic way to prevent that.

A few minutes later you have packed the last of Táozi's equipment into your bags, she lay completely naked on the ground, hands and feet bound, still out cold. Gosh, she would be so hot if she weren't trying to kill you. She is strong, you are sure she wont die or anything. You set off towards town where something odd happens.