Part 1: Balls & Giggles

"Okay, take one, and action!"

"So what we got here is Hal," whispered one of the set designers to the fledgling reporter as the scene began, "he's the 'hero' of the story. And then there's his family, his sister, Martha, and his mom, Renee."

The reporter nodded. "Where's his dad?"

"Eh, supposedly in a plane trip somewhere. I heard the writers and casting girl just couldn't find another guy in time."

Just then, Hal appeared in the set with a can of soda and began to chug it all down. His mother was in the kitchen talking softly to him while his sister was on the couch in the living room, watching TV.

After a few seconds the siblings began arguing.

"Me? 6? Do you remember what you decided on for your yearbook quote?" Martha protested.

"Hm, was that the one about Michael Jackson?"

"No! It was, 'Lick That Dick'!" She rolled her eyes. "Oh, how mature, bro."

A pause sat between them as the crew noticed Hal's cheeks suddenly ballooning and his lips clasped shut. Martha's bitter face faltered for just a second too as the two tried to maintain their composure.

Then finally, they both burst out laughing instantaneously, as the 4th wall dissolved into their throaty cries.

"Cut, cut," announced the banal voice as Martha rolled on the sofa, and Hal pounded his hand on the kitchen table.

"Oh great," the set designer exhaled, "watch how long this will take, now they got the giggles."

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Hal tapped his chin with a finger. "Hm, was that the one about Michael Jackson?"

"No!" Martha curdled. "It was, 'Nutting and my dick still buttfucking'!"

2 minutes later, they were gasping for air, again.

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"No! It was, '2 Women, 1 A-Cup'!"

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"It was, 'My sperm sits, your eggs give a standing ovation'!"

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"It was, 'Tired of life, but not blowjobs'!"

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"It was, 'Sticks and stones won't break my boner'!"

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"It was, it was, itttpff...."

The assistant director pulled down his headphones as Martha failed to finish her sentence, tears now forming in her eyes as her face grew red and her silent laughter seized her up into an immobile mess. "Okay guys! Break time! And please," he taxingly addressed the female actor, "please. Get a hold of yourself."

Suddenly, the sound of Hal's intermittent, howling laughter behind him sent a vein over the man's forehead. "You! You're not helping!" he shouted, turning to the sleazy lead as Renee smiled awkwardly in the background, one hand over her mouth. Muttering a low, "How mature, indeed," under his breath, the assistant director threw a handkerchief onto the ground and strode off, arms swinging, as Martha collapsed onto the coffee table, arm over her stomach.