P05E06

It was indeed frustrating to experience the scarcity of time I could actually spend with Emily. Now that we had deepened the scope of our love, it simply felt wrong to be engulfed by living the ordinary life as we had always lived it, in our parent’s houses, far away from each other. We could only steal a little bit of time, have quick and hasty encounters, without the option to celebrate our love to the fullest. The more I thought about it, the more enthusiastic I became about her plan. Yes, we should be together unhampered, and getting married would be the way to go; in fact it was the only way to go. The more I thought about it, the better the plan became. We would solve all those practicalities, we would find a job and a house and a way to get our parents’ blessing.

At the same time, Emily was backing out of the idea. She had suggested it herself, and she still considered it, but she also kept posing problems and obstacles about it, even ones that were completely trivial. Since we had no opportunity for a real talk about it, it was hard to judge if she was really backing down, or that she just had cold feet about them.

It took almost a week before we could do more than text and actually talk, even if it was only on the grandstand of the school stadium where her sister was playing a field hockey match.

“You seem to hesitate, “ I said.

She nodded. “I do, Jason. Despite the attraction, it also means giving up so much. I’m not sure if I want to give it all away. The way you handle me, it is magnificent and fantastic and all that… but it also requires so much strength, so much resilience and willpower to actually do it, and submit to you as I think I should. And of course, it shouldn’t be just once, or for a while, I know that when I walk this road it will be a continuous thing. I’m just not sure if I will be able to give you that. “

“Nonsense. You know how you felt, and you know how good it felt. As if it was made for us; as if the key had finally found the lock. I do not believe that you see any other path before us.”

“Of course it was the top of the world. But sometimes, it scares me as well. You know… as if you are changing to someone else. “

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not the Jason I have known all my life, the real one as I know you, the one that is kind and gentle. There is a different you, one that is strict and demanding. I’m not sure if that is also you.”

“What you see then, is more of the real me than the one you usually see. I wear a mask to the world, Emily… This suburby decency and responsibility burden makes me feel unfree and oppressed. That nice boy who is considerate and polite and compliant is not who I am, or who I want to be. I want to be self-confident, strict, decisive, and I am very eager to take more control of the girl I love. Make me win your trust, and I will prove to you a hundred times that you are right to trust me. I will turn you into my sex ****, and I’ll make sure you love it every step of the way. I’ll blow you all out in a continuous avalanche of sex and rapture. Liberate you, and liberate myself, from all these burdens they have weighed upon us. We will be free of those. We shall embrace the debauchery and perversion, and ride the wave as high as we can. And we will finally be able to actually be the people who we want to be.”

She shivered. “It is such a great thing to hear you talk like that… and it is my desire as well, Jason. To truly be yours, to enjoy my life as I feel your hand guiding and directing it. You will also learn how to handle me, how to casually play around with the privileges of command, order, and instruction. You will find me subservient and willing. Lead me where I can follow, and I promise you my obedience. “

I laughed: “I will gladly search for the limits of that! “

“Yes, Jason. Test me, train me, challenge me! And do not spare me, make it hard for me! It feels so good when I have to fight for it. Make me regret the day I gave all those powers to you. Make me struggle, make me doubt, make me fight big battles in my own brain. I want to be tested to see if I can keep my vow of obedience to you, even then! “

“And you will know that I love you, even when I create that hardship for you? “

“Of course! I know you a little bit by now, Jason. The little creative thingies you like to design, the crazy stuff you can create in the kitchen… the delicacies you like to create for everyone. And I know that that creativity will be on the tips of your fingers when you design my challenges… They will be harsh and difficult, but they will also be delicate, sparkling, ingenious…. And you can climb to the shoulders of the giant first, Jason. “

“What do you mean? “

“I want to go back to your uncle. I want to live in his house, with you, and with Marcy. “

“What? The place you made us run from in disgust? It was only nine days ago, you know… And the place won’t have changed much when we get back there. What makes you think you can deal with it now? “

“Good god, are you really going to keep telling me that till the day I die? I already told you, I regret the moment that I balked, and it will never happen again, I hope. Nothing that is in your head will ever disgust me again.”

“I’m not sure… Maybe it goes too fast? “

“Just think of it. They can teach us what they know, help us on our path, tell us where the pitfalls are. I want all their infrastructure in your hands when I empower you to consummate your ownership of me. I want you to take me as deep as you can.”

Again, she was running a mile ahead of me. I still thought I needed to be careful with her. But she didn’t want that care, she just wanted to submerge in adventure. I would never have dreamed of suggesting a return to the ranch. But instead, she had thought of it herself.