P04E08

I looked at Marcy: “Any comments you have?”

“You want to reward her now, right? Show her the bounty of serving you? “

“Yes, obviously. Isn’t that what it is all about?”

“Of course it is. But sit now, have another cup of coffee.”

I looked at the door where Emily had just left and asked: “Shouldn’t I…”

“Oh, she’ll be alright. There’s nothing like a bit of anticipation. When you leave her waiting for a bit, it will only work better. She will feel very submissive like that, waiting for the moment that it pleases you to come to her. Sit down, have another cup.”

With a sigh at the delay of something I really looked forward to, I agreed to her logic and sat down again.

As Marcy was pouring the coffee, I asked: “So how did you think it went?”

“Well, how do you feel yourself?”

“I cannot believe it, actually. When Howard told me she was into all this, I couldn’t believe him. And now she obeys me, endures my discipline, accepts my dominance… all within a day.”

Her eyes seemed to wander off into memories when she said: “Yes… I remember when I came to Howard for the first time. There were many differences; for example, I had never met him before and doubted if I could actually kneel for a complete stranger… but when I got here, it all happened in a natural flow. As if it was meant to be, as if I finally came home. I wanted to give myself to him, no matter what he would ask of me. And she is in that same flow right now. Of course she is overwhelmed, and insecure, and her head is spinning in a myriad of feelings and doubts and thoughts… but she also knows that the core of it feels right, that she is making the right choice, that her submission satisfies a desire within her that she never had words for, something that was locked away. And now that she can freely speak about it, she feels liberated. “

“Her candor was striking. She couldn’t have spoken like that to me a few weeks ago. “

“Yes, that is even more amazing than her surrender… “ She paused and tipped her head when she looked at me: “But it is a two-way street, you understand that, right? She is giving her heart and soul to you for safekeeping, expressing her deepest desires… but it doesn’t work if you aren’t honest to her as well. “

“Yes, of course. It can only work that way. “

“So… when are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what?”

“Well, what you have been up to over here. That you have explored and enjoyed my body, and fucked me daily. That you have whipped and caned and flogged me, and that you have shot your load both inside me and across me. That you joined Howard to Kervail, last saturday. That Heather was here, and what your mission was with her. All of it.”

I hadn’t seen the trap ahead until she let me stumble right into it. Of course! I had had the instinct to hide all that, never to tell her about it, or maybe much later; but of course, that wasn’t possible. Not when I wanted to build on this; not when I wanted to make her my companion for life. I needed to talk as well.

Fear and doubt engulfed me. She would never understand, she would never accept! Her boyfriend, the love of her life, had spent two entire weeks fornicating with different girls! She had opened her heart to me, heck she had actually started the complicated process of submission, just like I had asked her, and now I should tell her about all that? How could she possibly not feel betrayed, cheated, and abused?

Marcy walked up to me and stroked my shoulder. “You shouldn’t worry so much. When she is the right one, she will just appreciate your honesty. It is the most important thing you owe her. “

“Is Howard always honest to you? “

“Of course he is. Well, when he decides that I should know about things. Basic things, like this. Of course he does lie to me when he is creating plays for me. I wouldn’t expect anything else. It is no fun to be in an adventure when you already know the ending, right?”

“So where is the boundary?”

“It isn’t digital, it isn’t like there is an on/off switch. It is a complex domain of subjective perceptions and moral codes, shifting around in time. Howard has erred, sure. But it hasn’t been often, and he always made things right afterwards. “

“So does it apply to you as well? Do you pick times when you can lie to him?”

“Of course not! A **** cannot lie to her Master, and when he is the right one for her, she cannot even hide anything from him. It is a part of the core inequality between us: he may decide I don’t need to know, but I cannot do the same.”

“As long as… yeah, as long as what?”

“As long as the core is safe. As long as he doesn’t betray me. As long as all that is on his mind is the best for me. “

“And being left out of his deepest desires is the worst thing, right?”

“It is.”

“So if I have fucked you, and if I plan to do that many times more, I should tell her that?”

“Exactly. It is so much easier for her to know straight away that she can’t be your only woman, than to find out you didn’t tell her that, later on. “

I finally started to understand what she was talking about. And it made sense. If I was the ruler of Emily’s mind and the center of her universe, of course she couldn’t object if I wanted to pick a different flower. Her submission included her resignation and acceptance of whatever debauchery I wanted to indulge in. Well, in theory. I still didn’t really see how I should tell her that in a few minutes, when I would go up to her room. Tell her this, then simply fuck her brains out right after? It seemed such an improbable scenario… resistance and disapproval and hours of pseudo-psychological relationship talking seemed so much more likely.

Marcy had read my mind, and she soothed me again: “Just go with the flow. Tell her, and see how she responds. Sure she will be shocked, sure she will be uncertain and confused. Help her get through that. When she can’t, maybe she’s not the right one for you after all. “

“So how do I do that?”

“Be strong, be certain. This is what you want to do. She is reframing her mindset to follow your whims, your desires, your demands. You want her to be your ****, and that also means she loses traditional fidelity rights, she can’t restrain your hunger to possess anyone you like. When she knows that, when she feels that, there is no way on earth that she won’t have peace with it. When you and her talk about this subject three months from now, you will both laugh at her flappy initial response. When you play it right now, that is.“

It seemed hard to believe; then again, just hours ago, I had expected to be in jail right now for ****. This place sure made hidden desires surface and take hold. Maybe Marcy wasn’t talking all the shit it sounded like?