P04E03

My head felt like a log of wood when I woke up again. I felt knackered and tattered as the enormity of my deed manifested again, a second after regaining consciousness. Life in the house had restarted for the new day. My verdict was about to be pronounced, as soon as I left this room and went downstairs, and I had little hope that it would be favorable.

I checked my phone. I ignored the two messages from my mother, and opened the third. “Stay in your room. Let Marcy deal with this, ” Howard had told me several hours earlier. The instruction was actually most welcome; I wasn’t very eager to go downstairs and meet Emily’s… yeah, what? It could range anywhere from a mere accusatory and disappointed look, all the way up to the announcement that we were done forever and that she was now heading to the police station to make sure I paid for the crime of **** in a godforsaken jail cell.

I felt anxious and restless. How was Marcy supposed to “deal with this? “ Were the two of them talking, right now, in the living room downstairs? And what would they be talking about? After all the salacious games I had played with her this week, it was far more shameful to realize that Marcy now knew that I had **** Emily. Howard also knew, of course. So basically everyone in the house knew how I had wronged, and they were all trying now to find a way to deal with the situation.

But without me. I was just told to stay in my room, and wait, without knowing anything. I tried to play Spider Solitaire on my phone, but I couldn’t concentrate and none of the deals finished.

It was half past eleven before Marcy texted: “You can come down now.” Agonized by nervous thoughts about how she had “dealt with it”, I descended the stairs and entered the main room.

Emily didn’t come yelling and screaming at me when she saw me, so that was a good thing. She didn’t look at me either, her head was bent, and she just stared at the table top in front of her. That looked pretty bad. Marcy came up to me and embraced me, whispering in my ear: “It will be OK. You’re clear. Just be kind to her.”

I sat down across the kitchen table from Emily. Marcy poured coffee before standing away a few feet from the table. Emily still didn’t acknowledge my presence in any way, just staring. I didn’t know if I should touch her, cuddle her, talk to her, or if I should absolutely not dare consider any of that in 99 years. I tried to find a few words, but she took the first: “Yeah, you’re clear, Jason. I feel like a rag and a punching bag and a glass bell jar, all at the same time, but it doesn’t mean we’re done.”

I jumped at this opening: “Baby, I’m so sorry! I really have no idea what came over me, what happened in that corridor, it didn’t even feel like it was myself… if there is anything I can do to make up for it, I will!”

She nodded in a dreamy way, then said: “Yeah, you can. “ She gestured to Marcy and added: “We have talked, and she helped me understand, explained things to me. I was shocked and insulted and angry and ashamed there in that corridor, Jason. My dearest friend in the world was breaking my resistance and abusing me, without giving a shit how I felt about that. I tried to fight you, yelled and screamed, kept my knees together for as long as I could, but you were too strong, you penetrated me and violated the very essence of my womanhood, picking my cherry as if it didn’t mean anything at all, just banging away as hard and fast and violent as you could. … Yeah, I felt all that.

“But there was something underneath, you know. It is hard to explain. As if all that pain and anger and disgust was something very superficial, and that my core really didn’t mind at all. “

She paused and turned to look me straight in the eye: “And you know what it is that my core felt, Jason? My core whispered in my head, ‘Finally…’ It moaned when you cracked me open. My core indulged in being the object of that wild **** within you. I was like a desert flower, who has never felt rain before, in her first thunderstorm. Despite everything, it felt so natural, so pure. I felt the natural urge of a man to possess a woman, and the natural urge of a woman to yield to that.

“So I guess I owe you an apology as well, Jason. I should never have given you trouble, all that time, over all that first base, second base shit. I’m sorry that I have denied you for so long, and I realize that yesterday’s **** was a part of that; your patience and frustration just snapped. It was my own fault, in a way, and I can’t blame you for it. “

I was perplexed. Of all the outcomes I had imagined over the last few hours, this wasn’t one of them. I just sat there in shock; I must have looked like a madman to the girls.

Marcy stepped forward next to Emily, put a hand on her head and stroked her hair, and said to me: “But don’t let that fool you, Jason. You came away good this time; but you probably won’t when it happens again. You can never lose your temper when you are with a girl, never. All your actions must be controlled by cool reason. You must focus on the experience you are creating for her. The two of you must talk, you must talk a lot. Actually, Emily must talk, and you must listen. You must find out what drives her, what it means for her to sizzle under the touch of your hand, when the hot red heartbeat takes control of her loins, and the juice of her pussy flows freely. “

Emily didn’t protest to these explicit descriptions, though she averted her eyes from me again in an attempt at prudence. Marcy stroked her hair even more tender when she added: “But you also heard her say that she felt the natural urge to submit to your power. It is the only way to true love. A man can only truly love a woman when she is also the object of his lust. And it doesn’t even matter if the actions of his lust are indeed the same as hers… they might be, but often they differ as well. And in those cases, she finds her love in the sheer submission to his desires, in being the object of his lust, facilitating his hankering, empowering him to live his wildest dreams in reality. When she finds that she is truly happy simply because she enables him to do whatever he likes, that’s where the true love of a woman is born. “

When she looked down, she noticed the uncomfortable look on Emily’s face: “Oh, don’t worry, my dear. It is a process that takes years. But today, you have set an important step along the way. “