Order Up

“Excuse me,” I said, getting the robot bartender’s attention. He awkwardly turned around, paying special care that he didn’t trip. It was like he had weights on his ankles. There was another sound I couldn’t put my finger on as he turned. Probably wasn’t my concern. “Do you happen to serve martinis?”

The robot turned to face me. “Yes, we do,” he said with more effort that was needed. Probably from all the stress of working in this robot bar. “Would you like one?”

“Yes, please. And whisky, beer, and a glass of red wine, too.” I looked back at my team, probably still talking about our nude woman. Then I remembered Irene. “Can I also get water?” Where was that girl?

“Coming right up,” the robot said as it started to mix the drinks.

I leaned against the bar and watched as the robot efficiently prepared our orders. It was strange to think that we were on the Moon, drinking in a bar staffed entirely by robots. But it was also kind of cool.

“Here you go,” the robot said, placing the drinks in front of me.

“Thank you,” I said, picking up the martini and taking a sip. It was surprisingly good. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“The moaning.”

The robot looked down for a moment before looking back at me. I wonder what got his attention. “I’m afraid not, captain.”

Oh well. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you ever get bored working here?”

The robot paused for a moment, processing the question. “I am not capable of experiencing boredom, Captain. But I am designed to carry out my duties efficiently and with minimal error. It also doesn’t hurt when the base has… those to keep you entertained.”

I nodded. “I see. Well, keep up the good work.”

The robot groaned. “I intend to, captain.”

I was about to leave when something important popped into my head. Those sort of reminders tend to happen to me from time to time. “Also, have you seen our waitress? She had blonde hair and was coming in our direction.

“She’s coming, alright.” His poor face looked so strained as his body began to rattle. “Your waitress is nearby, I’ll let her know you asked for her.”

As I made my way back to our table with our drinks at hand, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement and wonder. Look at us. We had discovered life on the Moon, and we were now enjoying drinks in a lunar bar staffed entirely by robots. Who said the Moon was boring? Not me. I’d rather be here than any place on Earth.

***

As I approached the table, I could see my team chatting amongst themselves and that Irene had yet to return from the bathroom. Did we have to send a search party for her? Looking at my surroundings, I saw the kissing robot couple had taken their PDA to the next level, with the girl bot saddling the boy bot and kissing him from behind. She seemed conflicted about whether she wanted her top on or off as she kept flashing her tits at the bar. Her face was also oddly red with embarrassment. It must be a defect. Over by the pool table, the pretty girl was playing a mean game of pool, but her male friends were using the pool sticks to lift her skirt. Gosh. Some people (and I guess robots) can be oblivious. I continued to not pay attention to the blonde woman. The robot watching TV before was nowhere to be seen, though the TV was now playing several clips of two women trying to cover their nude bodies. Something didn’t feel right.

I was at my table when the lights in the bar suddenly flickered and dimmed, causing a hush to fall over the patrons. That’s when the power went out completely, leaving us in darkness and silence. The only light came from the glowing emergency exit signs.

The drinks rattled on the plate, but I was fortunate to find the table. “Everyone okay?” I called out to my team.

“I’m okay,” Marie replied, her voice a little shaky.

“Me too,” said Jason.

“I’m fine,” said David, but his voice sounded strained.

“Where’s Irene?” I asked.

There was silence amongst my team. “I thought Irene was with you?” said David.

I felt my jacket for my flashlight, but couldn’t find it. My other teammates should have had flashlights on them, but we remained in near darkness. “Stay calm, everyone. We’ll get through this. David, can you see if you can find the circuit breaker? I’ll go to the restroom to find Irene. You two stay here if Irene comes back.”

Turning around, I could somewhat see around the dark bar that none of the robotic patrons were moving, and the chatter and music had come to a complete stop. I made my way carefully through the darkness, my hands outstretched in front of me. The only sound was my footsteps on the tiled floor. You would think me living on the Moon for months would prepare me for situations like this, but this felt different. It was scary, to say the least. I made my way slowly toward the bathroom, using the glowing emergency signs as my guide. As I reached the bathroom, I called out Irene’s name, but there was no answer.

I hesitated for a moment, feeling uneasy, but I knew I had to investigate. I pushed the bathroom door open, and the emergency light revealed a strange sight. Irene was nowhere to be seen, and the bathroom was completely empty. But, something caught my attention in one of the stalls. I heard a slight moaning, similar to the sound near the robot bartender. I moved closer and found that the stall door was locked from the inside.

“Irene?” I called out, knocking on the stall door. “Are you in there?”

There was no answer, and I could feel my heart racing in my chest. I tried to push the door open, but it wouldn’t budge. It felt like someone was holding it from the other side.

Suddenly, I heard a faint whisper from inside the stall, “Help me.”

“Irene!” I shouted. “Is that you?”

“So good.” Her voice was low and raspy. “Come help me… please. I’m so close.” She sounded like she was crying, but she didn’t sound sad.

I pulled at the handle again, but the door didn’t budge an inch. “I can’t open the door, Irene.”

Her quiet sobs grew louder. “Oh! Please. Don’t go. I’m so close!” Her breathing was getting faster. The poor girl was hyperventilating in there! “I need you inside me.”

This wasn’t happening. Not right now. Who knows what was happening inside that stall. Come on, think, Jen. That’s it!

I readied myself and leaned against the sink. In one quick motion, I threw myself at the stall. That’s when the lights came back on, and I saw Irene... or something that looked like Irene.

She was on the floor, convulsing and twitching. Her body contorted in a way that didn’t seem right. Her eyes were wide open and glazed over. Light laughter escaped between her puffy lips. Her fingers kept switching a switch between her legs, turning her on and off. Her body was coated in a thick coat of sweat, and her mouth was stretched into an ever-present curled smile. She was also naked, her silicon breasts heaving with each breath, just like that stop thinking about her.

I stepped forward. “Irene-Bot?”

“Fuck the fuck?” she said, her eyes trying to focus on me, spinning around in a daze. Great, another robot for David to fix.

I stretched my hands to pick up the sticky robot. Irene-Bot’s fingers kept playing with her switch as we tried to walk.

“What happened to you?” I asked, inspecting the robot. There were no obvious signs of damage or malfunction, aside from her glitching hand.

“Slut, slut, slut, slut, slut, slut, slut, slut.” I banged the robot’s head with my hand. Note to self, don't hit a robot's head with your bare hands. I winced my hand in pain, but at least Irene-Bot had expanded her vocabulary. “I don’t, I SUCK DICK, know,” the robot slurred. “Brain hurty. I tried, HORNY, to reboot myself, but it made me feel HORNY.”

I frowned. That was a concerning development. “We need to get you back to David,” I said, stumbling out of the bathroom with her. “He’ll know what to do.”