Ophelia

"We should save Ophelia," you suggest, knowing exactly what you are doing.

You get the feeling Leah is certainly the type that would eat up some female-empowerment, feminist shit. Keeping Ophelia alive would accomplish all that thematic bullshit.

"Fuck that, dude," Mike said. "We should keep Hamlet alive so can kill all those motherfuckers!"

And that's the kind of shit that makes your brain seize. All you can manage is an eye roll and to shake your head.

"Dude, did you even read the damn play!?" you ask incredulously.

"Like I read and shit," he says again, not getting that he's a moron. He then looks seductively at Leah and gives her a come-hither look. "What's up?" he says to her. Casida, annoyed, grunts loudly. You hold back your own disgust. Oddly, you can't get a read off Leah on whether she enjoys his crap. Hmmm...strange. Yet, you trudge forward.

"I think keeping Ophelia alive is a great idea," Casida says to you excitedly, almost flirtatiously. Hmm, that's weird. "There are so many possibilities."

"Right," you say, taking the floor. "She is such a one-dimensional character, which hardly does justice to person she can become, which is a feminine point of view to Hamlet's existential search for meaning."

Hamlet always did this to you...got you all riled up and inspired. You get out a piece of paper and start writing obsessively. You create a scene where Ophelia avoids ****, being saved from drowning by the good timing of Hamlet, saving her from drowning and realizing their love for one another. She then emerges to be a feminine voice in his existential journey, helping him to find meaning in love and avoid a tragic ending. You are talking while you write, essentially doing the whole assignment yourself.

When you finally lift your eyes from the paper, you see Mike flirting with Leah, whispering softly to her, and she's eating it up! Of course, Casida is looking at you like she's ready to eat you. Great. Didn't see that coming. Fuck...