Now we're all Alice.

Alice yawned and rubbed her eyes. Next to her Alice snorted and coughed herself awake.

"You ok, babe?" Alice asked worriedly, patting her husband's back.

"Fine," she croaked, and reached for the glass of water on her bedside table. Alice took out her phone and began texting.

"Who are you texting?" Alice asked.

"Alice," she said.

"From work?"

"No, Alice's friend. The one Alice almost hooked up with?"

"Oh," Alice said. "Why are you texting Alice?"

"She's selling some old sound equipment," she said.

"Oh, babe, that's awesome!" She kissed her husband in excitement. "This might be your first step toward podcasting!" Her enthusiasm died down when she saw the concerned look on Alice's face.

"I don't... want to start a podcast," she said slowly. "I... why would I want start a podcast?"

Alice was equally confused. "Yeah, I could have sworn you wanted to at some point, but I know you've always hated the idea."

Alice shrugged. "Whatever. I'll just tell Alice nevermind."

Alice came downstairs to find Alice drinking a cup of coffee and reading her phone.

"Hey, babe," Alice said. "There's all this weird buzz online about some kind of medical emergency or something "

"Oh, shit," Alice said. "Near here? Are we in danger?"

Alice shook her head. "No, they're calling it a 'socio-neurological event'. It's really weird, it's like everyone thinks they're some woman or something."

"What? How would that even work?"

"Hang on," Alice said. "President Sutherland is about to give an address."

Alice sat down next to her with a fresh cup of coffee and peered at her screen. There was a video feed of a podium against a blue backdrop with the presidential seal. It could almost be static except for the occasional intrusion of an elbow into the frame. After a few minute, the American president walked onto screen and approached the podium.

"Ladies and G-gentlemen," she stuttered. "I have called this, uh, press briefing to talk about something strange that was, uh, brought to me. To my attention, that is. Sorry."

"God, she's fucking drowning up there," Alice said. "How did someone this bad at speaking end up in the White House?"

"Don't blame me, I voted for Sutherland," Alice joked.

"...uh, discovered her name is Alice Sutherland," the President continued. She was sweating through her makeup and visibly panicking. "I mean, we're all Alice, but it- uh, it's... I don't know."

"What the fuck is she talking about?" Alice said. "How could we be somebody else?"

Alice was scrolling through her phone again. "People are saying that we can't remember anything about it," she said. "Minutes after realizing that their current identity is not their original identity, the subject will forget that and all other related insights or revelations."

"Wait, you're saying I wasn't always me?" Alice demanded.

"Well, you're my husband," Alice said. "That's not a very Alice-like thing to be. Plus, you love blowjobs, right?"

"Who doesn't?" Alice chuckled. "Except... I don't have a penis. Because I'm Alice, like you. Like everybody. Oh, my God! Everybody is Alice now!"

"...fuck," Alice said. "It feels so real. I feel like I really am Alice Sutherland. But they're saying I might be someone else entirely!"

"Who's saying that?" Alice asked disinterestedly as she failed a level in a mobile game. When a few seconds passed without a response, she looked up and realized that Alice was staring at her in shock.

"You forgot," she said in awe.

"Forgot what? Alice, seriously, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Alice said in amazement. "But you forgot."

"Are you fucking with me?" Alice asked.

"Listen to me very carefully," Alice said. "You... are... not..."

In an instant her fist lashed out and hit Alice's left breast hard as she spoke her own name. Alice cried out in pain and shock before staring at Alice with confusion.

"Fuck!" She winced and brought her hands up to her sore chest. "My tits hurt! Ow, what the fuck!" Alice waited nervously, but Alice's gaze never turned accusatory. She cradled her bruised bosom and swore softly.

"What happened?" Alice asked innocently. She was unable to suppress a grin when Alice said she didn't know.

"It just came out of nowhere, like a fucking freight train!" she said. "Holy shit, that really hurts! It's just my left tit but it hurts so fucking bad! Oh, my God!"

"Why would I remember, though?" Alice asked herself.

"Remember what?" Alice demanded.

"That we're not Alice Sutherland."

Alice looked confused for a second, then yelped in pain and looked down. "Fuck! My tits hurt!"