No Falling in Love

I sit silent for a long time as I ponder everything Heather had told me. On a rational level I understood what she was trying to tell me. But my heart was not as easily convinced as my brain. Heather does not rush me. Sitting tight to my side she keeps her arm around me and watches me closely.

At last I say. “I don’t want to let go either.” I look to her. “Tell me what to do, Heather.”

Putting her other arm around me she hugs me. “Be strong when I am weak. I can’t do this on my own. We have to be strong together. Okay?”

“Together.”

“That’s right, baby.”

“No more honey.”

“Yes! Good boy.”

“No, um, falling in love.”

“You’ve got it.” She kisses my cheek. “There are many types of love. The love between friends. The love between family. The love between a couple of lost souls. But being in love is something else entirely.” Laying her hand over my heart she gently rubs. “Protect this, Elliot. Do not let me steal it from you. Save it for the woman who deserves you.”

“Hm.” I pause for another long moment before asking. “I can stay for a little longer?”

“As long as we’re careful.”

“And we can keep being friends?”

She ruffles my hair then smooths it back out again. “Maybe even friends with special benefits. As long as we’re VERY careful.”

“I’d like that, Heather. I would like that a lot.”

Turning my face toward her she looks into my eyes. “I am not going to abandon you, Elliot. Okay? Not if I can help it. But I do need to protect you. Do you understand?”

“I think so.” I say. “Are you really, um, going to start dating again?”

“I don’t know.” She sighs and sits back to look out over the park. “It would make things so much easier. Between you and I. Another honey boy would weaken the chemical bond between us. It would dampen this…powerful…attraction I have for you. And if I bonded, well, then we wouldn’t have to be careful anymore. Our friendship could be whatever we wanted it to be.”

I take a deep breath to bolster myself before saying the words that cut me to the soul. “I think you should do it.”

“Elliot?”

“I think you should see Myles. He’s a kind man. He’s a good man. He would treat you nice I think.” I nod, telling myself that this was the right thing even though it felt so, so wrong inside. “If you like him…you should bond with him.” I flash her a false smile. “He’ll make you happy. Your kids won’t be angry with you. And we can stay friends forever.”

Clutching my arm to her side she leans into me and lays her head on my shoulder. “There’s that strength I was talking about.”

“You deserve a man who can look after you as good you’ve looked after me.” I say. “I want you to be happy, Heather. You deserve to be happy.”

“And so do you, my handsome man.” She sits up straight again. “Remember that artist I told you about?”

“Yeah.”

“Well…” Heather’s voice catches in her throat and I see, just for an instant, a flash of pain twinges across her face. As fast as it was there it was gone again, replaced by her naturally cordial smile. “…she’s about your age. She’s new to town. She seems nice. She’s single. And she’s verrrry pretty!”

“Oh! Um…”

“I know. I know.” She says. “You’ve just broken up with Blair. I’m not suggesting anything serious. I got the sense from her that she’s not really ‘into’ serious relationships. But maybe a quick rebound fling might be just the thing to get that manly confidence of yours flying high again. Put the swagger back in your step.”

“I, er, I don’t know about that.”

“Well think about it.” She says, patting my knee. “I can play matchmaker with the best of them. With a guy as great as you it would be an easy sell. And it would put my heart at ease knowing that my boy…um, know that you were out there living to the fullest as well. If you need time after Blair I totally understand, but it might be fun?”

“Blair doesn’t bother me.” I say. “I realize now that we grew apart a long time ago. I’m not even sure how close we ever were.” Slowly I nod as I start to appreciate the new paths opening up to me. This was smart. This was better. I would always have a crush on her after this but the reality was that Heather and I could never work out romantically. If I stayed strong though we could still be there for each other as lifelong friends, hopefully with those ‘special benefits’, and that was far preferable to the alternative of separation. “I’ll…think about it. As long as you keep thinking about Myles.”

“I guess that’s only fair.”

I hold my hand out. “Deal?”

She grins and takes it for a formal shake. “Deal.”

With the mood lifted I could not help but raise a brow and quip. “Boy toy? Did you call me a boy toy?”

Heather giggles and even blushes a little as she lightly slaps my chest. “Don’t tease! I was in the moment!”

“Typical woman. Always thinking with the other head.”

“Elliot! Ha ha ha! Stop!”

I chuckle and take her hand. Giving it a hard squeeze I say. “Everything is going to be okay, Heather. You’ll see.”

Her laugher fades as she struck by my reassuring words. “Oh…Elliot!”

Just then a bright red frisbee comes skittering to a stop just five feet to the right of the bench. I get up and pick the disc up off the ground. Turning around I see that same group of friends to whom I’d tossed it back to yesterday. “You coulda hit us!”

“Sorry dude!” The nearest one says. I snap it back his way, the frisbee sailing in a perfect level line from me to him. He snatches it from the air. “Nice throw! Hey, wanna join us?”

That ‘errant’ throw near the bench had been no mistake. It was an excuse to invite me in. I must have caught their attention yesterday. “Sorry.” I say. “I can’t…”

“Go.” Heather says with a smile.

“Huh?”

“Go!” She says again, more insistently.

Lowering my voice I whisper. “But, um, you said that I might be able to watch you…”

She titters and waves me away. “Later! Have fun with the boys.”

My spirit rises. Despite our conversation she hadn’t forgotten about nor denied the possibility of me watching her pleasure herself. I guess that was entailed in those ‘special benefits’ of ours. YES!

“You sure?”

“Yes!” She insists with another laugh. “Just be home by sundown.”

Home. Boy I liked the way she said that.

I shoot her a smile then jog off to join the group. After some quick introductions the five of us start zipping the disc between us. Within just a round or two I realize that these guys knew how to throw. Every toss was swift, strong and precise which **** me to really concentrate to keep up with them. When I comment on their skills I learn that the group weren’t just buddies passing time but a group of friends united by their love of disc sports. It quickly becomes apparent in their snappy throws, acrobatic catches and curious banter that they were gauging my ability and interest in their hobby.

They seemed a genuinely good group of guys and I warm to their easy camaraderie. Despite being stiff from work and terribly soft from years of sedentary lifestyle I actually manage to keep up with them pretty well. With Heather just thirty yards away watching me I wasn’t about to let them show me up too bad. I even start joining in on the behind the back throws and diving catches. The way she watched me, even during my fumbles, made me feel like a superstar. Every chance I got I shot her a grin and received one in return. Not unlike those cheering parents around the soccer fields she seemed to be having the time of her life just watching me at play.

Before it got too awkward or obvious she rose and continued her walk on her own.