Nerves

Colby Smith was anxious. She’d always had anxiety, but here in Greenland, it felt like the world had closed in. Twelve people to share years with before she ever set foot on Mars. The situation was not made better by the storm. It wasn’t the danger of space, the life on Mars, or the cold of Greenland that worried her, but the people around her. The first three of her teammates seemed fine, but the idea that she’d only see them for a long time gave her a sinking sense of dread she couldn’t shake. The lack of things to do didn’t help matters. The storm didn’t just delay her comrades from Europe, but her research materials; most was travelling with the German contingent. She felt like there was so much to do, and she was stuck doing nothing.

At least the whole science team was there. Sam Hayden and Mission Commander Dayton were to be her co-workers in the science team, and she had met both during selection. She and Hayden were soon gym buddies. His good-natured confidence, intelligence, and easygoing friendliness were attributes that fast earned her trust. Not to mention he was a pretty good-looking guy, fit, muscular, and always smiling. Lyndon Carson was another matter. Lee had heard of him before, the entire crew had heard of his biodome experiments, and his joining the mission seemed inevitable. However, he was very different from what she expected; silent, brooding, he seemed aloof to those around him and contemptuous of others. But he was brilliant, or at least that’s what she’d heard. He also had an ego on him. It had been less than a week, but already a monotony had set in.

“What do you think about Lyndon,” she asked Sam Hayden during their daily work out.

“In what sense,” he asked, pausing his weight set.

“Just… generally I guess,” she responded, suddenly nervous.

“Well, I dunno. I guess I don’t know him that well. Like… I’ve talked to him, I know about him, but I can’t say I actually know him ya know?”

“I know what you mean. He seems ambitious, but like, why? We’re going to space, there’s no promotions up there right.”

“Maybe he’s ambitious for something else,” said Hayden slowly, raising his eyebrow slightly.

“Like… sex?”

“That’s what I was thinking but I dunno, he’s… it’s just a vibe, don’t judge him based on what I say.” Is he trying to warn me or is he jealous, wondered Smith. Trust, especially when it came to men, wasn’t something that came naturally to her. She continued to workout for another half hour, occasionally making small talk but not bringing up Lyndon again. After a fifteen-minute set on the elliptical, and then a cooldown stretches, she was ready to shower and start her day, such as it was.

Walking down the main hall, she saw the botany door was ajar, and inside Carson was tending to something. He was pretty good looking, she thought to herself, seeing him bent over a planter. Muscular, lean, and had a nice butt. He carried himself with a kind of natural confidence that she couldn’t decide was arrogance, self assurance, or a mix of both. Probably both, she thought.

“Hey Lyn,” Lee said, leaning her head into the room, “whatcha working on?”

“Hm,” he grunted with a start, and turning, said “oh, hey Colby, just planning some crops.”

“Sorry to have scared you.”

“You didn’t,” he said coolly.

“Good… Cool cool, so… what crops?”

“Oh um, beans mostly. Black beans and some onions right now. We’ll need wheat but I need more hands for that.”

“Want help? I’m soooo bored, my stuff doesn’t get here till the Germans do.” Carson rolled his eyes; an expression of contempt came over his face.

“Of course. Yeah, by all means, at least you don’t need the Krauts to keep busy.”

“I guess so… I’ll go shower and come back,” she said, turning to leave. Something made her uncomfortable about him. She could feel his eyes on her ass as she walked out.

Lee’s room, like all the others, was small and narrow, but at least they all had their own bathrooms. Her room felt cozy; she felt like she was back in her dorm at MIT. She grabbed a change of clothes and her shower bag and headed to the shower room. The gym and showers were empty. She peeled off her sweaty workout clothes and padded into a shower stall, her dark skin goose pimpled in the cold breeze of canned air.

“I wish I could open a window,” she muttered to herself, turning on the shower. Lee sighed happily as the warm water cascaded down her back. She lathered up, running her fingers through her short curly black hair, watching he soapy water run down her body. Is anyone on this trip going to think I’m sexy, she wondered. Her past boyfriends (and a girlfriend too) had told her she was beautiful, and in those moments of bliss, with her person’s hands on her, their breath on the back of her neck, it was easy to believe. But alone, in a small place with her thoughts, it was not so easy to believe. The partially steamed up mirrors by the shower showed the reflection of a beautiful dark-skinned woman with big soft tits, and a round ass, and an infectious smile, but she didn’t feel like that person.

“It’s just the anxiety talking Colby. You’re beautiful, kind, smart, and sexy as hell,” she told herself. She dried off and got dressed in her white science team jumpsuit. She disliked the fact she had to unzip and rezip each time she went to the bathroom, but she was never one for fashion and beyond the inconvenience, she didn’t mind not having to choose a wardrobe.

Lee dropped her stuff off in her room, grabbed her intercom and headed back to the botany hall as planned, her footsteps echoing in the empty main hall. Carson was still where he’d been when she left, working on bean seedlings. She noticed his eyes followed the sway of her hips as she walked. The expression in his eyes was very hard to place.

“How’s it going Lyndon?”

“Fine fine, just finishing up with the beans. Gonna make some bean burgers when they’re ready.”

“Bean burgers, eh? No substitute for the real thing though,” she said with a smile. Carson frowned.

“Well you’re not getting any beef for a loooong time unless there’s some in the freezers. I’m vegan, and unless you have a chicken or a cow hidden in your room, so are you.”

“No such luck,” Lee responded. She began working, with Carson’s instruction, on the next planting that needed doing; the fruits.

“Sugars are important, we’ll need access to sweeteners and fruit is the best way to get it. Plus, we can make booze,” he said with a chuckle.

“You make your own?”

“Yeah, here one sec,” he said, leaving the botany hall. He came back, a clear wine bottle of red liquid in his hand. “This one is raspberry, I made it in my biodome. Want some?” Lee nodded, and Carson wrenched the cork out with a multi-tool corkscrew he had in his pocket and passed it to her. She took a sip of the sickly-sweet smelling wine and was shocked.

“Jesus that’s strong,” she spluttered. Carson laughed and took the bottle, taking a big pull.

“Heh, yeah, I make good wine,” he chuckled, handing the bottle back, “plus I brought cannabis seeds, but they’re not planted yet.”

“Niiice,” she said, taking a healthy gulp and feeling the warmth of the ****. Booze, weed, dude knows how to be comfortable, she thought. The two of them sat on the floor next to the bean planters, passing the bottle of syrupy wine back and forth, talking about observations so far.

“Have you heard… anything about who’s going to be in charge around the botany area,” he ventured after a while.

“In charge? No,” she responded, carefully. Why does he care who’s in charge? There’s twelve of us, she thought. Maybe Sam was on to something.

“It’s just... it’s important. I have plans, it has to go well,” he said, being vaguer than Lee thought was necessary, “the others, they can’t show up on time even.”

“Well, have you been outside? I wouldn’t fly in this shit. How many times you want them to crash?”

“I suppose, but planning, they should have planned better,” he retorted, an aloof tone in his voice.

“They already almost crashed once. I dunno, Lyn, I say we should be patient.”

“Whatever,” he grunted.

“They’re some of the best candidates in the world Lyndon, I’m not concerned. Commander Dayton will have picked the best.”

“You sure ‘bout that,” he asked, a condescension in his voice.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, trailing off. She took a swig of wine and decided to change the subject. “You um… you leave anyone behind,” she asked.

“This is a new life for me, no, my options are open,” he said. His eyes, already alert, seemed to explore her body, making her feel suddenly exposed, **** even. “You’re not leaving anyone behind are you, Colby?”

“Um, no no, it’s ugh, yeah no,” she stammered. His demeanor had changed, a sort of wolfish expression on his face. He seemed, hungry. She felt completely naked in his gaze, like his eyes were piercing right through her.

“Be right back,” he said, standing and heading to the washroom. Lee took the time to compose herself a little. He wants me, she thought. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she knew it to be true.

“Do I want him? Do I actually want to sleep with him,” she asked her reflection in the mirror. Her hand went up to her jumpsuit zipper, moving it down a couple inches. It’d been too long since she felt another person’s touch. Mission selection, MIT, it was a blur. Carson came back and she saw his eyes follow the zipper of her jumpsuit to her ample cleavage. He seemed to inwardly smile, or so she thought, and sat down beside her, his back to the wall like hers, close enough to smell his deodorant.

“I think we could… work together,” Carson said, slowly, as if he’d planned out what he was to say next, “things on our trip could get pretty weird and I think it’s important to know who stands where, do you catch my drift?”

“I guess so,” she said hesitantly, not sure where he was going with this thought. Her head was swimming. She wanted to say, “no, what the fuck are you on about,” but she swallowed her words, curious about what he’d say next. He didn’t answer with words. As she looked over to him, his face was at hers, and before she knew it, his tongue was in her mouth. Lee was shocked but didn’t object either. Oh, are we really doing this, she asked herself, as if she wasn’t already kissing him back.

His hands were all over her, squeezing her breasts through her jumpsuit. Her hand was on his back, pulling him toward her. She remembered her days at MIT. Overconfident young men who believe they’re the shit, that can’t keep their hands to themselves, that think they’re smarter than anyone in the room and that they fuck like legends were a dime a dozen there. She was too horny then to want to say no. She broke away from the kiss, unzipped her jumpsuit and pulled if off her shoulders. Under it, she was wearing a white tank top and no bra. Her nipples were visible, poking through the thin material.

“Somewhere private,” she asked, rubbing the bulge in Lyndon’s crotch.

“Ohh yeah baby,” he grunted, taking her by the hand and leading her back into the botany hall.

“Not the bedroom?” He led her to an alcove behind the botany office area not visible from the entrance and guided her to her knees. Presumptuous much, she thought, as she obliged him, dropped down to the floor. He pulled his cock out of his jumpsuit and roughly pushed it into her mouth, thrusting deep right away, causing her to gag.

“Gaa, easy tiger,” she gasped, holding his hips still, and slowly taking his shaft into her mouth.

“Ohh yeah suck it,” he grunted.

“What is this? A porno,” her inner monolog asked as she worked the throbbing cock in her mouth with her tongue. She sucked him quickly, tasting the salty pre-cum on him. His cock was average sized and circumcised. Each time she took him in her mouth, he groaned in a low, guttural voice.

“Yeah, suck it slut.”

In spite of the monolog, she found herself getting hornier and hornier. She pulled him out of her mouth with a ‘pop,’ and, cock still at her lips, whispered, “fuck me.” She stood and pulled down her jumpsuit, letting it fall to the floor. Under it, she was wearing nothing but white cotton singlet and panties, the former she pulled up to expose her breasts, the latter, pushed aside. Colby turned, and put her hands on the wall, extending her ass towards him while he undressed. She felt him position himself behind her, his cock poking her ass. At first, he couldn’t find the right spot. She reached back and guided him, and he roughly shoved himself into her.

“Oh! Fuck, mmm,” she gasped. His thrusts were immediately violent and insistent. He fucks like every prep school dick at school she told herself as he smacked her ass a couple times.

“Oh fuck yeah slut I’m gonna cum!” His thrusts quickened as he grunted.

“Not yet, mmm, not yet” she moaned. He was close, but she was too, just a little longer and… She felt him pull out, almost as quick as he had started, and he groaned loudly. She felt hot splatters of cum land on her ass and back as he spent himself on her.

“Oh yeah fuck,” he gurgled, stroking himself on her ass cheek a little more, then collapsing into an office chair near the alcove. Colby suddenly felt embarrassed, that she’d just fucked this stranger in the office on her first week in the colony. That it was this guy burned her even more. She hated post-sex shame, but here it was, yet again.

“Was it good for you too hot stuff,” asked Lyndon, gasping and flushed.

“Sure yeah. I’m gonna, go... Go uh, clean up,” she said, wiping the semen off her ass with her singlet.

“Course, course,” he responded, pulling up his jumpsuit, a happy, nay, oblivious look on his face. He looked satiated, but as distant as he did before the sex. Like she was still a stranger to him. Smith stepped into her jumpsuit, cum splattered underwear and singlet in hand, and after checking the coast was clear, walked quickly back to her room smelling like sex.

“At least the walk of shame is short,” she said to herself. The wind whistled past the windows, the only sound in the nearly empty hall. She knew she wasn’t ashamed deep down; back at MIT she had broken away from her religious upbringing, allowing her to enjoy sex to the fullest, anonymous, or in a relationship. College had been a wild time. “Was it good for you too? If you need to ask, idiot. This is why I switched to girls,” she said as she undressed once again and headed to the showers. “Men,” she snorted with derision.

She sighed and wetted a towel in the sink and finished scrubbing her back and butt. She thought of Sarah, her girlfriend in the last days of her undergrad. The way Sarah’s fingers felt inside her. Colby found her pussy, wet and begging for release. She laid down on her bed and started playing with her clit. Something Sarah knew how to find, she thought wryly. Her body buzzing with desire. She circled her wet lips with her finger, tracing an outline around them, sliding one then another inside herself. She replaced them with her other hand and used the wet fingers on her swollen clit.

“Oh Sarahhh… eat me baby,” she gasped, imagining that head of blonde hair between her thighs, licking her clit ever so gently, exactly where she wanted it. Her orgasm wasn’t long in coming. “Fuck fuuuuck,” she gasped as she came, her back arched in the air. As the orgasmic aftershocks reseeded, she stayed laying in bed, enjoying the afterglow. The sex was unsatisfying to be sure; Lyndon needed to get better at it if he wanted more, but she was happy now that she’d cum, even if by herself.

“Better than nothing,” she said to herself, and turned off the light.